


there's a world that's been waiting for you as you are

by vatonages



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Gen, M/M, chatfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-02
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-01-08 03:52:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 39,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12246456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vatonages/pseuds/vatonages
Summary: changkyun: oh my god you guyschangkyun: i think i’m gonna file for bankruptcy i just spent so much fucking money at lushthe chatfic where minhyuk loves to cuddle, changkyun buys too many bath bombs, jooheon becomes friends with his uber driver and sometimes you just have to cry in a taco bell parking lot





	1. bath bombs

**Author's Note:**

> so i don't know what this is...or where it's going. also i've never been inside a lush. title is from red velvet's song 'you better know' which is like...the cure to depression

 

chatroom: it's ya boy skinny penis

 

hoseok: so i went to get that game you’ve been telling me to pick up

hoseok: but i looked in three stores and couldn’t find it anywhere 

hoseok: i’m sorry minhyuk :(

 

minhyuk: you don’t have to be sorry

minhyuk: because you did your best

 

jooheon: tell me why that made me cry 

 

hoseok: stop lol everything makes me cry lately

hoseok: like yesterday someone held the door for me and i almost lost it

hoseok: idk i guess i’ve just been lonely and sad

 

minhyuk: but you’ve been with all of us :(

 

hoseok: i know :(

hoseok: i didn’t say it made sense

 

minhyuk: no that’s okay

minhyuk: do you need some snuggle time

 

hoseok: that’d be nice

 

kihyun: this is very cute but why can’t you just cuddle hyungwon

 

hoseok: i do but it’s just like

hoseok: different idk

hoseok: and minhyuk is skinny too

hoseok: but hyungwon kind of feels like lying with a bag of remotes

 

hyungwon: no i get it 

hyungwon: minhyuk is an affection god i’ve never met someone who loves love so much

 

minhyuk: friendship is magic

 

hyungwon: did you just take that from my little pony

 

minhyuk: and here you are, recognizing the line 

 

hyungwon: fair enough

 

minhyuk: so are we on for Cuddle Night

 

hoseok: hell yeah man

 

jooheon: can i come

jooheon: i’m feeling pretty lonely and gay on this cold friday night

 

minhyuk: WHAT IS THIS 

minhyuk: you always reject my snuggle attempts

minhyuk: look who’s crawling back now

 

jooheon: THAT’S BECAUSE YOU DO IT AT BAD TIMES

jooheon: LIKE WHEN I’M TRYING TO WRITE AN 15 PAGE ESSAY FOR HALF MY SOCIOLOGY GRADE 

 

minhyuk: doesn’t snuggling help you focus? ??

 

jooheon: NO?? HOW it’s another person’s body clinging to yours

 

minhyuk: that’s fucked up i get some of my best thinking done while in a cage of limbs

 

changkyun: oh my god you guys

changkyun: i think i’m gonna file for bankruptcy i just spent so much fucking money at lush

 

hyungwon: were the bubble bars fucking worth it changkyun

hyungwon: were they

 

changkyun: I’M TEXTING FROM INSIDE A BUBBLE BATH RIGHT NOW AND I MEAN

changkyun: YES??

 

hyunwoo: i mean i guess this is a good way to go out

hyunwoo: enjoy that bubble bath 

hyunwoo: because you’re gonna be eating ramyeon for the next two years

 

hoseok: OOH

 

hyungwon: HOSEOK NO

 

hoseok: :((

 

minhyuk: let the boy EAT 

 

kihyun: no minhyuk i know like my inner grandma is saying that too

kihyun: but i went to his apartment like last week

kihyun: and i had to throw away a wrapper so i saw the trash

kihyun: and all that’s in it is ramyeon wrappers 

kihyun: also i saw empty soju bottles in the corner

kihyun: honestly hoseok get it together 

 

hoseok: you’re only young once

 

jooheon: i’m calling it now he’s still going to use this same excuse when he’s 30

 

hyunwoo: ok watch it

hyunwoo: that’s not even old

 

jooheon: when you’re 30 you’ve lived a 15 year old’s life twice

 

changkyun: that’s fucked up

 

hyunwoo: wow

 

hoseok: you didn’t have to say all that 

 

kihyun: why are you all acting like this is so mind blowing like can you guys do basic math

kihyun: like yeah 2 x 15 is 30 this isn’t new information

 

minhyuk: this is why i don’t invite kihyun over for conspiracy thursdays

 

kihyun: what are conspiracy thursdays

 

minhyuk: you’d KNOW if you weren’t such a killjoy 

 

kihyun: wow

 

hyungwon: every thursday minhyuk makes a playlist of youtube documentaries about conspiracies or unexplained phenomena 

hyungwon: and we watch them

 

kihyun: but minhyuk doesn’t even believe in ghosts

 

minhyuk: BUT I’M WILLING TO HEAR PEOPLE OUT KIHYUN

minhyuk: I’M WILLING TO GIVE THINGS A CHANCE

 

kihyun: that’s rich coming from a scorpio

 

minhyuk: that’s rich coming from someone who escaped scorpioism by a single day

minhyuk: you’re on thin ice bitch

 

hyunwoo: can we stop fighting over astronomy please

 

minhyuk: OH MY GOD 

 

jooheon: HYUNG

 

changkyun: this is like that time i said i was going to bed bath and body works 

 

hyunwoo: i don’t see the problem with what you just said

 

jooheon: ALSFKJASF

 

minhyuk: don’t make fun of the elderly jooheon

 

hyunwoo: ??

 

changkyun: they’re two different stores

changkyun: like

changkyun: bed, bath, and beyond

changkyun: and then bath and body works

 

hyunwoo: that’s not true

 

changkyun: it is

 

hyungwon: that’s the most fucked up thing i’ve ever heard

 

jooheon: and it’s ASTROLOGY hyung

 

jooheon: astronomy is different like you can’t take a class about astrology in college 

 

minhyuk: which is something i am trying to change

 

kihyun: what he means is that he asked the dean if he could add that class to the curriculum

kihyun: and then when the dean said no

kihyun: he said “that was such a gemini moon thing to say” 

kihyun: and then stormed out 

 

minhyuk: i kinda felt bad after

minhyuk: i was in a bad mood because i was hungry

 

hyunwoo: relatable

 

kihyun: yeah hyung you’re like the definition of hangry

kihyun: you’re not that scary you’re just really strong

kihyun: but like your anger itself isn’t that intimidating 

 

hyungwon: i just remembered that time hyunwoo threw me across the room

hyungwon: and then i remembered that happened more than once

 

hyunwoo: it’s like

hyunwoo: i should know by now that you fly whenever i do that

hyunwoo: but for some reason it just hasn’t clicked yet

hyunwoo: so i do it and then suddenly you’re like on the floor in a different dimension

hyunwoo: and i’m like oh yeah

 

hoseok: it was fine before but like i’m dating him now

hoseok: so like you break it you buy it

 

hyungwon: why was it fine before

 

hyunwoo: how much does hyungwon cost

 

hyungwon: don’t answer that

hyungwon: hoseok stop typing

 

hoseok: fine 

 

changkyun: i’m out of my lovely bath and now my regret is fully sinking in

 

hyungwon: just like the chemicals from those bath bombs

 

kihyun: i’d feel bad for you but this was entirely avoidable and also 

kihyun: as a college student i don’t know why you’d even let yourself indulge in luxury bath items

kihyun: yesterday i had to dig change out of my carseats to buy a cucumber

 

minhyuk: DISGUSTING

 

kihyun: oh fuck off we get it you hate cucumber

 

hyunwoo: i had to do that once to get a big mac

hyunwoo: it was really embarrassing

hyunwoo: purchasing a big mac at 4 am was bad enough

hyunwoo: but then having to look for the change just made it so much worse

 

hyungwon: if someone came through the drive thru doing that i’d just fucking let them have it

hyungwon: like jesus christ

 

minhyuk: i would too but i’d throw the big mac at them

minhyuk: like in a wrapper but not in a bag

minhyuk: because i think the memory of being slapped by a burger would just really get through to them

 

hoseok: now i feel bad about myself 

 

minhyuk: omg no why

 

hoseok: because i cried in a taco bell parking lot at 1 am like last week

hoseok: while eating a quesadilla

 

hyungwon: hey quick question

hyungwon: what the fuck why didn’t you tell me

 

hoseok: IT’S NOT SOMETHING YOU WANNA TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT

hoseok: hey guys i’m crying my eyes out into a tortilla what are you guys up to

 

minhyuk: no don’t feel bad i mean it happens

minhyuk: sometimes cheese and chicken comforts you in a way no human can

 

hyungwon: why were you crying :(

 

kihyun: yeah wtf what happened

 

hoseok: idk just life

 

changkyun: :(( do you want to borrow a bath bomb

 

jooheon: BORROW??

 

changkyun: dammit

 

hoseok: aw thanks changkyun but i’m okay

hoseok: you’re broke now so you might as well enjoy your last purchase

 

jooheon: NURSE

 

changkyun: i’ve been shot

 

changkyun: i hate that i chose to get stuff from lush and not like food or something

changkyun: because with food you just eat it and it’s gone but like

changkyun: i’m literally staring at a pile of my own bad decisions

 

hyungwon: that’s how i feel when i stare at the homework i have in my classes for my major

 

jooheon: you feel that way because you’re staring at it and not doing it

 

hyungwon: wow

 

jooheon: stop i’m allowed to say that because i don’t do my homework on time either

 

hyungwon: oh

 

minhyuk: anyways losers snuggle night is upon us and hoseok and i are getting boba 

minhyuk: if you wanna come you can but snuggles are first come first serve

 

hoseok: however a great woman once said

hoseok: we don’t run out of love we can always make more when we need it

 

jooheon: wow who said that

 

hoseok: the mom from twitches i rewatched it last week it’s still just as good now 

 

jooheon: you watched it without me?

 

minhyuk: JOOHEON

minhyuk: are you coming??

 

jooheon: i’m on my way to the boba place this instant my uber driver is a fucking baller

jooheon: he just turned on what i assume is his mixtape and started rapping along to it 

jooheon: wait he’s telling me his soundcloud

 

minhyuk: are you networking in an uber

 

hoseok: while on your way to meet up with us so we can eventually get in a cuddle pile

hoseok: also can we watch sharkboy and lavagirl

 

jooheon: this is the college experience 

jooheon: OH FUCK YEAH

 

kihyun: millenials are killing the networking industry


	2. love fest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> minhyuk is full of love and airheads mystery flavor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm at my friend's house and i wrote this in my phone notes while falling asleep so i'll edit later enjoy!

hyungwon to minhyuk: can you try to figure out why hoseok has been so upset lately and not telling me

minhyuk: of course! and you're okay with this right? jooheon is here too!

hyungwon: oh yeah it doesn't bother me we were all friends before all of this anyway  
hyungwon: give jooheon a forehead kiss for me

minhyuk: will do <3

  
groupchat: it's ya boy skinny penis

kihyun: so everyone's favorite person almost got in a goddamn car crash today

hyunwoo: minhyuk got in a car crash?

kihyun: NO  
kihyun: some girl almost fucking t-boned me so she could get to ihop  
kihyun: i almost died so some girl could get to the international house of pancakes

hyungwon: the other day i found out they sell non breakfast food?

changkyun: what the fuck

hyungwon: yeah  
hyungwon: you can get dinner at ihop

hyunwoo: do people...do that

changkyun: i would

hyunwoo: yeah that seems like something you'd do

kihyun: thank you for the concern

changkyun: aw don't be like that hyung  
changkyun: we care but like you're okay it was just a close call they're unavoidable

kihyun: changkyun redemption arc

hyunwoo: this chat is weird without minhyuk

kihyun: he's busy with hoseok and jooheon  
kihyun: they're watching sharkboy and lavagirl and holding hands  
kihyun: minhyuk sent a selfie it's all very cute and wholesome

hyungwon: i know he sent me a jooheon forehead kiss proof shot jooheon is so cute :(

changkyun: wtf share i wanna see wholesome pics

kihyun: Image Message

changkyun: AWWW

hyungwon: aw  
hyungwon: i miss hoseok :(

hyunwoo: they look so comfy

hyungwon: Image Sent

hyunwoo: look at jooheon pretending he doesn't love minhyuk's kisses

changkyun: lmao

hyungwon: technically it's my kiss I just had minhyuk pass it on

kihyun: reliable love messenger lee minhyuk

minhyuk: do i sense a new chat name

kihyun: speak of the devil

minhyuk: aw kihyun play nice you were just saying good things about me

kihyun: my near death experience has really enlightened me i'll be nice today

changkyun: there's not even much of today left

hyungwon: he's only gonna be nice for one night

changkyun: it's like some weird kind of sale

hoseok: buy one get one kihyunnie

hyungwon: hoseok!

hoseok: hey pumpkin

changkyun: ooh festive petnames

hyungwon: oh uh...hello my lovely spider web

hoseok: um  
hoseok: we'll work on it but i love you anyways

jooheon: goals

kihyun: you guys just keep popping up randomly did you all separate at the same time

minhyuk: it's cuddle night break time

jooheon: the movie ended and my arm is numb

hoseok: SHARKBOY AND LAVAGIRL WAS SO SAD  
hoseok: when the parents are giants and they walk away holding hands :((

jooheon: aw hyung it was a good thing

hoseok: i'm still crying tho

minhyuk: jooheon is a big old softie  
minhyuk: right now hoseok has his head in his lap and jooheon is carding his fingers through his hair  
minhyuk: it's so cute and tender I love them :((   
minhyuk: my heart is so full

kihyun: take pics!!

minhyuk: oh i am

changkyun: Soft Boys

kihyun: Tender Boys In Repose

hyungwon: are we naming renaissance paintings

kihyun: nope  
kihyun: just our gay friends

changkyun: do you think my cat knows i love her :(

kihyun: it's not even 1 am  
kihyun: are we already at this point

hyungwon: yes changkyun i do!

changkyun: hyungwon is my only real friend

kihyun: stop or charlize will hear you and get sad

changkyun: charlize is a very talented and beautiful cat  
changkyun: but she can't hear text

hyunwoo: so you guys aren't sick of snuggling yet?

changkyun: he changed the subject ajsksks

minhyuk: nah  
minhyuk: we don't do it that often so we're indulging   
minhyuk: it's very cozy

hyungwon: are you guys spending the night

minhyuk: they'll probably end up doing that it is past midnight and hoseok hates driving when it's this late  
minhyuk: jooheon is getting sleepy so

jooheon: no I;m npt

minhyuk: okay

hoseok: i've cried so much today   
hoseok: i can't feel my face

changkyun: it's like that song by the weeknd  
changkyun: except hoseok hyung isn't addicted to cocaine

hyungwon: baby :(( i love you

hoseok: i love you too! i'm okay!  
hoseok: i'm gonna go to dreamland with jooheonie!   
hoseok: good night!

kihyun: goodnight

changkyun: night

hyunwoo: goodnight hoseok

hyungwon: goodnight

  
minhyuk to hyungwon: okay so i talked to hoseok  
minhyuk: well jooheon did too it was like group therapy it was honestly very touching??  
minhyuk: but hoseok just said like he's been stressed with work and school and he said things are going well with you  
minhyuk: but because we were all friends before you started dating he doesn't want to like mess up the friendship by being a bad boyfriend  
minhyuk: but yeah! it's nothing too serious he's just stressed and likes you a lot and wants to be good friends first and foremost

hyungwon: if it's not that serious why'd he cry so much tho

minhyuk: that's just how he deals  
minhyuk: the movie was very touching   
minhyuk: he was in a sentimental mood he almost made ME cry

hyungwon: aw he's Gentle  
hyungwon: a muscular man...  
hyungwon: well thanks minhyuk i'm glad you guys got to bond and hang out  
hyungwon: you're a really good friend you know

minhyuk: THAT'S WHAT HOSEOK SAID AND HE TOOK MY HAND IN HIS AND LOOKED AT ME REALLY FONDLY   
minhyuk: you two want me to cry so bad lmao  
minhyuk: my heart

groupchat: it's ya boy skinny penis

minhyuk: I LOVE YOU ALL MY BABIES MY BOYS MY LOVES you all mean so much to me and i want you to always be healthy and happy

changkyun: can you feel the love tonight~

hyunwoo: this is so nice but where is it coming from

kihyun: wow i feel like i got smacked with a wave of like love and affection?   
kihyun: i feel reborn i'm smiling at my phone

changkyun: so is hyunwoo hyung he's not typing but he's smiling the biggest dumbest smile we're face timing

minhyuk: LMAO HYUNWOO  
minhyuk: okay well i love you guys the little ones have already gone to sleep so it's my turn now

kihyun: <3 love you too!

changkyun: sweet dreams hyung!! :*

hyunwoo: goodnight minhyuk-ah!

hyungwon: :)

changkyun: it's like we're a family aw

hyungwon: :)

 

 

 


	3. the 4 am dumpling run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hoseok gets betrayed by a jar of salsa and has to sneak out of a dumpling place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao the salsa thing described happened to me earlier and i'm still bitter about it also this chapter was brought to you by my craving for dumplings that just won't go away it's been 6 days...i don't know what i'm doing with this fic if y'all want me to continue let me know

  
  
  


chapter 3

  
  


hoseok: so i’m in the kitchen

hoseok: it’s 3 am

 

changkyun: oh my god he’s in the kitchen you guys

 

hoseok: and i’m hungry i’m in minhyuk’s apartment i’m looking around like

hoseok: what’s this man got to eat

hoseok: well the answer is not much 

hoseok: so anyways

 

minhyuk: i do the best that i can

 

hoseok: i see a jar of salsa and a bag of tortilla chips i’m like it’s go time

hoseok: but i can’t get the damn jar open

 

kihyun: this is riveting. honestly it is. there’s nothing i’d rather be doing than reading this.

 

hyungwon: Image Sent

 

kihyun: i AM home 

 

hoseok: so naturally being the very polite houseguest i am

hoseok: i wake minhyuk up to help me

hoseok: we still can’t get it open

 

hyunwoo: all those trips to the gym for nothing

 

changkyun: the pinnacle of physical fitness is being able to open jarred salsa

 

hoseok: so minhyuk being the very polite friend he is

hoseok: wakes up poor jooheon to help us

 

jooheon: it was three men huddled together squeezing a salsa jar and grunting in the kitchen

jooheon: at 3 am

jooheon: i woke up thinking i got abducted by aliens

 

kihyun: you weren't that far off

 

minhyuk: the jar is still closed at this point

minhyuk: i couldn’t even pretend i had loosened it

 

hoseok: well that just pissed jooheon off

hoseok: so he grabs this jar in his hands and with herculean strength

hoseok: or perhaps just infinite pissed offness 

hoseok: he opens it

 

minhyuk: but it looks a little watery

minhyuk: so i look at hoseok

 

hoseok: and i look at jooheon

 

jooheon: and i’m staring into the watery salsa wondering why the fuck i’m alive

 

hyunwoo: okay that’s dark

 

hoseok: and i’m like oh fuck you guys

hoseok: this expired in 2016

 

jooheon: i was so hoping it was an 8 that got a little scratched up

jooheon: but it was so obviously a 6

jooheon: it was like the 6 came to life and spit in my face

 

minhyuk: BUT I LITERALLY JUST BOUGHT THAT SALSA

minhyuk: LIKE LITERALLY TWO DAYS AGO FROM THE GROCERY STORE NEAR MY APARTMENT

minhyuk: can i sue them for this

 

hyungwon: no like it costs so much money to sue people it wouldn’t be worth it

 

minhyuk: guess i’ll just go fuck myself then

 

jooheon: can it wait till we leave

 

hyungwon: so now what are you gonna eat it’s like 3:45 now

hyungwon: that was your last hope

 

hoseok: i always bring an emergency $20 with me

 

jooheon: and so do i

 

minhyuk: so we’re hitting up the 24 hour dumpling place 

minhyuk: we’re all up anyways

 

jooheon: thanks to Somebody

 

hoseok: hey i wasn’t trying to get you involved i just wanted some salsa

 

minhyuk: aw jooheon i’ll get you coffee tomorrow morning

 

jooheon: okay dope

 

kihyun: revolutionary idea

kihyun: if you guys are together

kihyun: how about you just say these things to each other verbally

kihyun: instead of blowing up our phones it’s late for us too

 

minhyuk: what do you mean

 

jooheon: my mouth is too full of pot stickers to utter words

 

changkyun: i was up anyway i have a textbook open and a gradually decreasing will to live

 

hyungwon: same but i took a 9 hour nap on accident and now i’m up

 

changkyun: 9 hour nap

 

kihyun: on accident

 

hyunwoo: hey wait

hyunwoo: are we nocturnal

 

kihyun: i’m not

 

changkyun: why are you up then hyung

 

kihyun: the notifications woke me up

 

hyungwon: look at him lie

hyungwon: his notifs are on silent the phone doesn’t even vibrate

hyungwon: he was up anyway 

hyungwon: don’t pretend yoo kihyun

 

changkyun: i can’t believe he was up anyway and still scolded us for waking him up

 

minhyuk: he has a brand to live up to

minhyuk: he lives for the drama he’s a saggitarius

 

hyunwoo: my head hurts

hyunwoo: what am i 

 

minhyuk: A GEMINI

minhyuk: i just gasped so loud i never thought about it befosfk

 

kihyun: ??

 

jooheon: andd he’s choking

 

hyungwon: do something?

 

jooheon: what am i gonna do? hoseok hyung has him in the grips of a killer heimlich 

 

changkyun: there were so many hs in that sentence 

 

hyungwon: it’s like something duolingo would give you

hyungwon: please translate this sentence

 

changkyun: the boys have the pears

 

kihyun: are you two part of some kind of comedy duo i don’t know about

kihyun: so in sync

 

hyungwon: it’s a gwangju thing

 

minhyuk: hyunwoo how could you

minhyuk: a gemini

 

changkyun: leave geminis alone what’d twins ever do to you

 

hyungwon: oh bad call changkyunnie

 

changkyun: ??

 

hyungwon: never mind the gwangju thing i’m not in any way affiliated with changkyun 

 

minhyuk: one time i babysat the worst children ever

minhyuk: like i love kids

minhyuk: but those twins don’t count as kids 

minhyuk: they gave me lice

minhyuk: they cracked my phone screen 

minhyuk: they got chewed up gum in my hair

 

changkyun: oh No

 

minhyuk: also my mean ex-girlfriend was a gemini

 

hyunwoo: you had a girlfriend?

 

minhyuk: squints

minhyuk: what’s that supposed to mean

 

hoseok: cannot detect if insult or genuine curiosity

 

kihyun: go eat a pot sticker

 

hyunwoo: no omg just

hyunwoo: i didn’t know that 

hyunwoo: i can’t picture it

 

kihyun: to be fair it was a very short relationship like 3 days

kihyun: but she was a confirmed asshole

kihyun: don’t think i’d blame it on her zodiac sign though

 

minhyuk: anyways i have beef with all geminis 

minhyuk: except hyunwoo

minhyuk: hyunwoo is two faced

minhyuk: but one face is cute and the other is handsome

 

changkyun: i’m not facetiming him this time but i can still feel his big dumb smile radiating happy energy

changkyun: is that weird

 

kihyun: isn’t a little late in the game to be asking that

 

hyungwon: it’s not weird if it’s true

 

changkyun: i could very easily make you regret saying that

changkyun: but we’re all sleep deprived and i’m a merciful god

 

kihyun: did you just call yourself a god

 

changkyun: can you read

 

kihyun: ooh touchy in the a.m.

 

hyungwon: you faked being woken up just to nag us

 

kihyun: it’s how i show my love you fucking mothball 

 

hyungwon: google search how to not spend all my money on halloween stickers

 

hoseok: omg that’s so cute you like stickers??

 

hyungwon: i love them but i don’t ever want to put them on anything because it’s like

hyungwon: one use only...and then you don’t have stickers anymore

 

minhyuk: oh yeah hyungwon can you like take your boyfriend away from us

 

hyungwon: what why omg

 

minhyuk: what you just said about stickers made him sad

minhyuk: and then when we got here

minhyuk: they have the wooden chopsticks you break apart

minhyuk: and he looked at the broken pair and started to tear up because it “reminded him of you”

 

hyungwon: what the fuck does that mean

 

kihyun: LMAO 

 

changkyun: it’s because you’re skinny kasjfs

 

hyungwon: THE AUDACITY

 

hyunwoo: how romantic

 

hyungwon: hyung not you too

hyungwon: leave hoseok alone it’s late he’s delirious 

 

minhyuk: no can do

minhyuk: we’re 10 bucks short for the bill and we have to sneak him out of here 

 

hyungwon: “sneak”? won’t that be too obvious like how many people can possibly be eating dumplings at this hour

 

minhyuk: looking around...at least 15 tables worth

 

hyungwon: omg

 

kihyun: are we gonna judge them for eating dumplings at 4 am

kihyun: as if we didn't bring chinese food into a mcdonald's and get kicked out

 

hyungwon: ...okay valid

 

changkyun: wait why does he have to sneak out are you gonna dine and dash

 

minhyuk: no omg that’d be so rude it’s so he can go run back to the apartment and grab a $20 bill out of my nightstand

 

kihyun: why didn’t you bring that with you when you left

 

minhyuk: it was all very sudden i got woken up and forced to open expired salsa and then suddenly jooheon wanted dumplings i didn’t get to go through a whole mental checklist of everything i should do before we left okay

 

kihyun: ...i’m sorry

 

jooheon: minhyuk just literally went “hmph”

jooheon: am i living in a cartoon

 

changkyun: the level of pettiness 

changkyun: i should be used to it now but i’m still so impressed

 

hyungwon: maybe he didn’t go “hmph” his voice is so raspy sometimes he just makes these random noises

hyungwon: have any of you ever noticed that

 

minhyuk: like what omg

minhyuk: this is the first i’m hearing of this

minhyuk: hoseok has escaped successfully btw

 

changkyun: oh no i know what you mean

changkyun: like a hiccup but like...rough 

changkyun: idk hyung it’s just Raspy sounds

 

hyunwoo: my favorite one is where his voice just kind of goes fuck this

hyunwoo: and he makes a whistling noise

 

kihyun: OH YEAH like squeaky

 

minhyuk: honestly these descriptions make me never wanna talk again

 

hoseok: aw no minhyuk it’s sexy

 

changkyun: it’s true 

 

hyungwon: hey

 

hoseok: well

 

minhyuk: HOSEOK

minhyuk: DO YOU SEE THE MONEY

 

hoseok: yeah i have it i’m on my way but it’s raining i’m so sad

 

jooheon: we’ll save you two dumplings you’re our hero

jooheon: RUN MUSCLE MAN

 

minhyuk: OH MY GOD HE’S HERE ALREADY BUT HE’S WHEEZING AND SOAKING WET

 

kihyun: you’re fucking lying to us that was literally one minute

 

jooheon: i’m literally so scared right now how is he here

 

minhyuk: i’m holding the money right now and hoseok is just sitting here panting as if it actually makes sense that he’s here already i wanna call the police

 

hyungwon: can we not get my boyfriend arrested my mom already disapproves of so many of my life choices

hyungwon: telling her my boyfriend is in jail isn’t gonna make her want to send me any money 

 

changkyun: your mom sends you money? my mom left me to ROT on minimum wage

 

kihyun: if you don’t shut the fuck up 

kihyun: as if you didn’t buy out an entire lush 

 

changkyun: it’s called self care

 

minhyuk: we just left the dumpling place and i don’t even remember ever being in there i think it’s a portal to another world

 

jooheon: i’m so full i can’t wait to hog minhyuk’s bed 

 

minhyuk: this is the night that never ends but it’s chill

 

hoseok: mmmmmm,mmmnmmnk

 

changkyun: uh

 

jooheon: hoseok kinda fell asleep face first in a dipping sauce cup with his phone in his hand

 

changkyun: oh cool what kind of sauce

 

hyunwoo: changkyun

 

jooheon: soy sauce

 

minhyuk: okay phones away jooheon and i have to carry hoseok back home

minhyuk: he just ran a triathlon so we could pay for our meal so we owe it to him

 

kihyun: okay well goodnight AGAIN everybody


	4. tim from canada

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the boys Love halloween

hyungwon: well i finally cracked you guys

 

kihyun: what’d you do

 

hyungwon: i finally went to the craft store

hyungwon: and bought all these halloween stickers and decorations

 

minhyuk: YES

minhyuk: i love halloween

minhyuk: i’m gonna legally change my name to Spooky Minhyuk

 

changkyun: maybe Don’t Do That

 

hoseok: lee spooky minhyuk

hoseok: really rolls off the tongue

 

jooheon: i’m not going anywhere near your fucking apartment until like at least christmas

 

hyungwon: i didn’t get jump scares i don’t wanna have a heart attack

hyungwon: not in that shithole

hyungwon: Image Sent

 

changkyun: young man found dead in...oh my god you live like this? 

 

jooheon: *lived

 

hyunwoo: wow you even bought fake cobwebs

 

hyungwon: no

hyungwon: i just need to dust really bad lmao

 

kihyun: i’m so disgusted

 

minhyuk: clean his house

minhyuk: save him

 

kihyun: i will offer my services

kihyun: for a fee

 

changkyun: his generosity is enough to bring a tear to your eye

 

kihyun: you’ll be able to see yourself in your countertops

 

hyungwon: i’d really rather not

hyungwon: seeing my reflection in my dirty laptop screen at 4 am is enough for me

 

hoseok: back to what jooheon said i don’t wanna go to your apartment either i’m gonna wake up in the middle of the night

hoseok: staring into the eyes of a fake goblin

hoseok: questioning my taste in men

hoseok: and your taste in decorations

 

minhyuk: why did you specify fake 

minhyuk: are you implying that real goblins exist

 

hyungwon: minhyuk that’s so rude

hyungwon: kihyun is right here

 

kihyun: i’m gonna take myself out of the chat one day and then you’ll all Realize

 

jooheon: i just laughed so hard i think i pulled a muscle 

jooheon: ouch my spleen…

 

kihyun: can’t pull what you don’t have

 

jooheon: i have a spleen thanks

 

kihyun: I MEANT

 

jooheon: i know what you meant goblin boy

 

hoseok: Actually, everyone has muscles there the size and strength may differ but like

 

hyungwon: wow thanks kihyun 

 

minhyuk: you activated his Fitness Trap Card

 

kihyun: the only time hyungwon ever thanks me and it’s not even genuine

 

minhyuk: AW hoseok stopped typing

minhyuk: keep going really i’m fascinated 

minhyuk: we made him feel discouraged

 

hoseok: if you’re that curious go google it

hoseok: i know when i’m not wanted

 

minhyuk: wow

 

changkyun: he snapped back

 

jooheon: y’all ever think about how lucky we are that hoseok is a gentle soul

jooheon: like he could really punt me to mars if he wanted to

jooheon: but he likes to give me backhugs and won’t even kill bugs

 

hyungwon: i think about how lucky i am to have hoseok all the time

 

hoseok: i’m not mad anymore i’m over it

hoseok: i’m feeling the love and a craving for pumpkin spice

 

hyungwon: yall wanna have a halloween movie marathon

 

changkyun: i have work :((

 

hyungwon: :((

 

changkyun: but i’ll come over after my shift

 

hyungwon: :))

 

minhyuk: i’m down

 

kihyun: isn’t it a little early for one of those

kihyun: like october JUST started

 

minhyuk: not to be rude

minhyuk: but like fuck you kihyun it’s the 4th day of halloween

minhyuk: if stores are already selling christmas shit i think we’re going at a pretty reasonable pace

 

kihyun: okay that’s true capitalism knows no laws

 

jooheon: WHY do you guys do this to me i want to be with you guys

jooheon: but you know how i am with scary movies

 

hoseok: i will...consider it

 

hyunwoo: i’ll come but i’m bringing ear plugs

hyunwoo: it’s the only way to survive with everyone’s screaming

 

hyungwon: that’s fair

 

changkyun: i got used to all the screaming a long time ago

 

kihyun: you are very often part of the screaming changkyunnie

 

hyungwon: could you also perhaps pick up some donut holes

 

hyunwoo: what kind

 

hyungwon: i’m not picky

 

kihyun: FALSE 

kihyun: he’s lying your honor

kihyun: get the cinnamon sugar ones

 

changkyun: he’s the pickiest eater i know lmao he’s like a baby

 

hyunwoo: i’ll get like a variety pack then

 

hyungwon: thank you hyung i owe you my life 

 

hoseok: i’ll pick up like some kind of festive booze

 

minhyuk: i’m gonna change your name to that in my phone contacts sajfkasf

 

jooheon: HYUNG LMAO

jooheon: “who is ‘festive booze’? you got a text from them” “nobody you need to know about”

jooheon: and all the text says is like

jooheon: “did you know otters hold hands”

 

minhyuk: and like a link to a video of a corgi swimming in shallow water

 

jooheon: the hoseok Brand

 

hyungwon: aw we’re really gonna have a little get together 

hyungwon: i’m excited

 

minhyuk: hyungwon is so cute sometimes

minhyuk: i’m so gonna pinch your cheeks when i get there

 

hyungwon: but it hurts :(

 

minhyuk: i’ll be gentle

minhyuk: it’s the only squishy part of you 

minhyuk: i have to treat it with care

 

hoseok: minhyuk is so weird

hoseok: he does this thing where he randomly says stuff

hoseok: in person too not just through text

hoseok: and it sounds so gentle and loving

hoseok: and i’ve got my head in my hands like what the fuck

hoseok: and he doesn’t know what he did 

 

kihyun: it’s honestly emotional warfare

kihyun: like by tonight we’ll probably be tipsy and i’ll end up taking care of everybody

kihyun: like always

kihyun: and minhyuk will grab me by the hand and be like

kihyun: “you’re the best goddamn goblin i ever met”

kihyun: and i’ll get choked up

kihyun: and it’s like that’s not even a compliment wtf

kihyun: how many goblins can one person even meet

 

changkyun: i like that kihyun hyung has not only accepted that he’s a goblin but now he’s like

changkyun: getting introspective about it

 

hyungwon: he puts out a book called “are we goblins or are goblins us?” and he becomes a best selling author

 

changkyun: it’s a new buzzfeed article like yoo kihyun is here and he’s ready to CRUSH all goblin stereotypes

 

**kihyun** changed their name to  **yoo goblin**

**minhyuk** changed their name to  **spooky minhyuk**

**hoseok** changed their name to  **festive booze**

 

jooheon: i feel like that could be shortened to “yooblin” but i wasn’t put on this earth to judge

 

hyungwon: what were you put on earth for then

 

jooheon: to spit bars 

 

changkyun: LMAO

changkyun: is this like a thing now

changkyun: fuck you guys i don’t have any ideas for my name

 

festive booze: it doesn’t have to make sense

festive booze: not really

 

yoo goblin: just go for it

 

spooky minhyuk: mine is literally just my name with spooky in front of it this is where creativity goes to die

 

changkyun: i’ll give it some thought and get back to you

 

hyunwoo: wait when should we be be at your apartment

 

hyungwon: OH hyung like 7 pm??

 

hyunwoo: got it

 

festive booze: not to be corny but i’m literally so excited to see all of you??

 

spooky minhyuk: <333 

 

hyungwon: my baby…

 

jooheon: this is so cute and hoseok hyung you’re the best i’m excited to see you too

jooheon: but like

jooheon: IDK it’s not that hyungwon hyung isn’t ever affectionate

jooheon: but he does it so openly now i’m still adjusting

 

changkyun: no i feel that like

changkyun: HYUNG I’M GONNA GIVE YOU SUCH A BIG HUG

changkyun: when he had his gf he was like haha that’s my gf

changkyun: but now he’s like wow love my boyfriend with all my heart and soul

 

hyungwon: does it make you guys like genuinely uncomfortable

hyungwon: i can always chill out

 

jooheon: NO

 

changkyun: NO

 

jooheon: i like it you’re our big chic hyung with a heart of gold and ur full of love

jooheon: you just look too Fancy to feel things sometimes

 

spooky minhyuk: WHERE LMFAO 

spooky minhyuk: i came to his door to drop off a video game he let me borrow

spooky minhyuk: and he literally rolled out of bed in a red hoodie and sweatpants 

spooky minhyuk: with his eyes shut and everything and handed it to me

 

jooheon: fair enough he just Seems fancy

jooheon: even though i’ve known him for years

 

festive booze: he has expensive taste

festive booze: that’s why he likes me

 

jooheon: DAMN he complimented himself AND hyungwon in one go

jooheon: incredible

 

changkyun: it sounds like you’re narrating sports

 

jooheon: yeah...sports..not really good at those

 

yoo goblin: that’s okay that’s why we have hyunwoo, minhyuk, and i

 

hyungwon: yeah the archery omg

 

spooky minhyuk: that was honestly a freak accident i take zero credit for that

 

changkyun: LMAO god was just like

  


 

spooky minhyuk: CHANGKYUN LMAO 

 

hyungwon: wait kihyun what the fuck

hyungwon: you aren’t an athlete

 

yoo goblin: i was a center on my middle school basketball team you’re all fake kihyun fans

 

hyungwon: how can you put that on the same level as setting an archery record and being a swim god

hyungwon: you suck at shooting baskets

 

yoo goblin: you suck at all physical activity bar dancing

 

hyungwon: but i’m not out here lying about it!

hyungwon: did you just compliment my dancing

 

yoo goblin: NO

yoo goblin: i just didn’t Insult it

 

hyungwon: you’re kinda good at dancing too...and singing...yooblin

 

spooky minhyuk: oh my god look at the magic of halloween bringing everyone together

 

festive booze: this is so great i can’t wait for goblin/human marriage to become legalized

 

jooheon: HYUNG that’s your boyfriend what is this

 

festive booze: oh yeah omg

 

jooheon: YOU FORGOT asjfhs

 

changkyun: i choked when i read that i might actually be a ghost by the time i show up to the party

 

spooky minhyuk: AYY real live ghosts are coming now it’s really a party

 

jooheon: REAL LIVE GHOSTS 

 

hyungwon: i’ve been crying for like 5 minutes 

hyungwon: why is everything so funny right now 

 

changkyun: are you just not gonna comment on hoseok forgetting he was dating you

 

hyungwon: i AM gonna comment on it

hyungwon: i find it hilarious if i was him i’d forget i was dating me too

 

festive booze: did you guys know i told my mom i was dating hyungwon and she was like

festive booze: no you’re not honey

 

yoo goblin: what omg

 

changkyun: lol mama was like “your ass is lying”

 

hyunwoo: uh

 

festive booze: and i was like YES I AM 

festive booze: and she was like wow hyungwon really does have bad eyesight

 

hyungwon: true i’m fuckin blind

 

jooheon: ME TOO

 

changkyun: DAMN 

 

festive booze: i’m so offended 

festive booze: doesn’t my mom realize i’m hot

 

spooky minhyuk: i don’t think she’s supposed to realize that

 

festive booze: fair enough

 

changkyun: i

changkyun: hate this

 

hyungwon: the other day hoseok came to my apartment like we were just hanging out

 

spooky minhyuk: “hanging out”

 

hyungwon: no really

hyungwon: but i didn’t have my glasses or contacts on

 

jooheon: if you put both on at the same time do you get like superhero vision

 

hyungwon: no i get a headache

hyungwon: but hoseok was the only person in my apartment and it’s small so i don’t know why i did this

hyungwon: but i saw him from like 10 feet away and it didn’t look like him?

hyungwon: it looked like this guy from canada in my psych class?

hyungwon: so i went “...tim?”

 

changkyun: TIM

 

yoo goblin: was it a white guy omg

 

hyungwon: no lmao tim isn’t white he’s korean but his parents just

hyungwon: named him timothy

 

jooheon: this is the best day of my life

 

hyungwon: so naturally hoseok was like

hyungwon: who the FUCK is that

hyungwon: and when i heard his voice i was like lmao my bad

 

festive booze: i was so hurt

festive booze: like who is tim does he come to your apartment often

 

hyungwon: actually tim did come over once

 

spooky minhyuk: WAIT

 

hyungwon: but it was to do a psych assignment we got partnered up via random group generator

 

changkyun: you’re on thin fucking ice hyung

 

yoo goblin: one time one of those things paired up me and minhyuk literally 7 times consecutively

yoo goblin: the teacher tried to switch it so we’d be with other people

yoo goblin: but god had other plans

yoo goblin: and honestly i think by the seventh time she was just scared so she left it

 

spooky minhyuk: god did we bicker but did we get an A?

spooky minhyuk: oh fuck yeah

 

yoo goblin: we got kicked outta the fuckin library

yoo goblin: WAIT

yoo goblin: are you guys all at hyungwon’s 

 

hyungwon: what i’m not even at hyungwon’s

hyungwon: not yet

 

yoo goblin: I HATE ALL OF US WE’RE ALL LATE TO YOUR APARTMENT 

 

hyungwon: i can’t be late to my own apartment i fucking live here bitch

 

yoo goblin: you said 7 it’s 7:45 pm we’ve all been in the groupchat

 

hyunwoo: actually i just arrived and i’d really appreciate it if you hurried up because

hyunwoo: i’m getting weird looks

 

spooky minhyuk: resting bitch face being jacked and carrying a container of donut holes does seem a bit ominous

 

hyunwoo: exactly 

hyunwoo: i almost dropped the donut holes sending that

 

hyungwon: i’m sorry hyung omg i’ll be there in two minutes i was finishing up at the laundromat

 

hyunwoo: it’s chill

 

changkyun: i’m at work

 

jooheon: you’re gonna get fired lmao you’ve been on your phone this whole time

 

changkyun: no one has come in literally this store is gonna get shut down in like a month tops

 

spooky minhyuk: the world is a fucking nightmare

 

yoo goblin: i’m not gonna disagree but damn you really are passionate

 

spooky minhyuk: sorry i was listening to a three days grace song when i sent that

 

yoo goblin: gotcha

 

hyungwon: i’m here yall hyunwoo is sitting at my table and if you guys don’t hurry up there won’t be any donut holes

 

jooheon: say no more 


	5. bacon strips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things are really heating up in the goblin fandom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i forgot i changed their names to like halloween versions and i had to go back and add the word "spooky" in front of minhyuk's name like 10,000 times have you ever felt such regret

festive booze: aw that was fun you guys

 

hyunwoo: fun for who

hyunwoo: i think i have a donut hole hangover

 

spooky minhyuk: well hyunwoo

spooky minhyuk: people typically chew them instead of swallowing them whole

 

changkyun: in his defense they are called donut holes

changkyun: sounds suspicously similar to “whole” don’t you think

 

spooky minhyuk: i’m pretty sure food names don’t typically include instructions on how to eat it

spooky minhyuk: like bacon strips doesn’t mean you have to strip while eating it

 

festive booze: it doesn’t?

festive booze: i’ve been eating it wrong for years

 

changkyun: me too

 

hyungwon: groundbreaking conversations at 3 pm

 

spooky minhyuk: i hate all of you

 

jooheon: i’m glad we watched halloweentown i hadn’t seen that in forever

jooheon: i didn’t realize how bad the special effects were

 

changkyun: you shut your cute mouth 

changkyun: don’t disrespect halloweentown in my house

changkyun: right in front of my salad

 

jooheon: you think my mouth is cute?

 

changkyun: painfully so

 

spooky minhyuk: hoseok and hyungwon were so cute aww

spooky minhyuk: it was my first time seeing them act coupley

spooky minhyuk: it made my heart warm

 

yoo goblin: my heart felt warm too

yoo goblin: but it was just the alcohol

 

festive booze: do you mean

festive booze: the festive booze

 

changkyun: lmao hyung stop

 

spooky minhyuk: no but seriously hoseok just in hyungwon’s lap

spooky minhyuk: cuddling against his chest

spooky minhyuk: and they’d smile at each other every so often

spooky minhyuk: i’m so soft i’m making myself sad i love love

 

hyungwon: aw i’m embarrassed but like

hyungwon: very happy

 

festive booze: i love hyungwon

festive booze: also i’m DYING

 

yoo goblin: i never know when to take any of you dramatic bitches seriously

 

spooky minhyuk: i really hope that if any of us were actually dying

spooky minhyuk: we’d call 119 first

spooky minhyuk: and not our useless groupchat of twenty somethings

 

hyungwon: i honest to god would message the groupchat first

hyungwon: i know that’s bad but i just would

 

spooky minhyuk: so would i sakfjsaf that’s the sad part

spooky minhyuk: i just said none of us should do that and i still would

 

changkyun: wait why are you dying hyung

 

hyungwon: don’t listen to him he’s just upset because he hasn’t reached his weekly cuddle quota

hyungwon: he’s a very snuggly man

 

spooky minhyuk: confirmed

 

jooheon: double confirmed

 

festive booze: i was spoiled on dumpling day and now i’m deprived

festive booze: hyungwon decided to actually do his homework

festive booze: so i can’t come over because i’m too “distracting” 

festive booze: whatever that means

 

changkyun: he’s certainly not referring to the way you like to just

changkyun: flick my neck while i’m talking until i get mad

 

jooheon: or hug me from behind and not let me go and kiss the back of my neck

 

spooky minhyuk: or how you bother me for a sip of my drink no matter how many times i say no

 

changkyun: because a distracting person would never do those things

 

festive booze: do i not deserve love even though i’m annoying

 

hyungwon: you do but not on my mom’s dime

 

yoo goblin: LMAO

 

hyungwon: WHAT

hyungwon: i’m not being mean it’s just my mom isn’t paying for me to go to college so i can fail all my classes

hyungwon: also you’re not annoying i love you?

hyungwon: what more proof do you need

 

festive booze: aw i love you too

festive booze: i was just thinking like

festive booze: it’s so funny because each day is 24 hours but they can feel so much longer or shorter

festive booze: depending on the day and how you spend it and who you spend it with and whether or not you’re doing something you like

festive booze: and sometimes when i’m with you or with the whole group

festive booze: the day feels really slow because i’m trying to enjoy and feel every second as it passes

festive booze: and other times they feel so short because i’m just so happy and having so much fun that i forget to feel every single second

 

spooky minhyuk: aw hyung that’s so pretty

 

festive booze: sorry lmao i binge watched some slam poetry

festive booze: really got my gears turnings

 

jooheon: i’m so TOUCHED

 

changkyun: what can’t hoseok hyung do

changkyun: he’s a bodybuilder, he sings, he dances, he’s beautiful, he can write songs, he can draw

changkyun: now he’s a PHILOSOPHER 

 

yoo goblin: wow when you put like that

yoo goblin: what’s hyungwon bringing to the table

 

hyungwon: HEY

 

changkyun: the ability to sleep for 21 hours straight

changkyun: and 181 cm of fine ass man

 

hyungwon: even when the days feel long i still don’t feel like we spent enough time together :( <3 hoseok :(

 

changkyun: AHHH

 

jooheon: i’m so touched x 2

 

hyunwoo: aw

 

yoo goblin: HYUNWOO WROTE “AW” 

yoo goblin: that means it’s super cute

 

festive booze: now i’m sad can i please come over :(( i miss you

festive booze: you’re on your phone anyways

festive booze: ooh changkyun keep listing things i’m good at

 

changkyun: i would if you were good at anything

 

festive booze: do you all see how he turns on me

 

yoo goblin: he giveth and he taketh away

 

spooky minhyuk: he gives you just enough love and support for you to get by

spooky minhyuk: and then he leaves you to die

 

hyunwoo: great now minhyuk’s a poet too

 

jooheon: what a beautiful couplet

jooheon: very heartfelt 

 

changkyun: wtf hyung don’t reveal my methods

changkyun: i need to maintain an air of mystery

 

spooky minhyuk: don’t worry kid i’ll never fully understand the mystery that is your existence

 

hyungwon: honestly i’m still confused

hyungwon: about the Free Trade Agreement thing

hyungwon: where did we go wrong

 

yoo goblin: accept your brains are inferior and go

yoo goblin: changkyun had the superior interpretation

 

spooky minhyuk: nothing beats out hyunwoo’s “these five loaves of bread” so everyone shut the fuck up

spooky minhyuk: my brain went into shock for a second

 

hyunwoo: how was i supposed to know 

 

spooky minhyuk: i’m done with this conversation

spooky minhyuk: answer your boyfriend hyungwon

 

hyungwon: wtf did he even say

hyungwon: oh omg

hyungwon: fine you can come over but only because you called me out and i can’t defend myself

 

festive booze: :))))

festive booze: i’m happy and i’m on my way do you want coffee

 

hyungwon: PLEASE

hyungwon: drag my wretched soul out of this sea of procrastination and sorrow

hyungwon: i need caffeine

 

hyunwoo: you guys always do this

hyunwoo: you always make everything so dark without any warning

 

spooky minhyuk: some of us are dramatic to cope hyunwoo

spooky minhyuk: we can’t all be logical and mentally stable like Some People

 

jooheon: i haven’t been rational about anything since i was 15

 

yoo goblin: maybe we should give that a try again

 

spooky minhyuk: who are you again

 

yoo goblin: okay nevermind

 

spooky minhyuk: oh hey kihyun it’s you

 

changkyun: i’m so convinced that minhyuk is gonna get like married

changkyun: and it’s gonna be a nice ceremony and we’ll all be so happy

changkyun: and then kihyun will show up fashionably late in a flashier and better suit

changkyun: and all hell will break loose

 

spooky minhyuk: this is already making me mad and it hasn’t even happened yet

 

jooheon: “yet”

 

yoo goblin: it’s never gonna happen 

yoo goblin: because i would never stunt at someone’s else’s wedding

yoo goblin: and minhyuk won’t ever get married

 

spooky minhyuk: YOU GOBLIN BITCH

 

yoo goblin: WHAT DO YOU MEAN

yoo goblin: THAT WASN’T AN INSULT

yoo goblin:  YOU DISLIKE THE IDEA OF MARRIAGE AND BEING TIED DOWN

 

changkyun:

 

jooheon: DON’T GET INVOLVED MAN

 

spooky minhyuk: that doesn’t mean i won’t ever change my mind! don’t underestimate me!

spooky minhyuk: life has infinite possibilities!

 

changkyun: philosophy majors be like

 

jooheon: now is not the time

jooheon: not if you want to live

 

yoo goblin: everyone is overreacting...as if i won’t be catering minhyuk’s rhetorical wedding smh

 

hyungwon: do you mean

hyungwon: theoretical

 

jooheon: KSJAKSFJ

 

yoo goblin: great now this is gonna haunt me until i die

yoo goblin: why are you involved go make out with hoseok or something

 

hyungwon: he’s not here yet you gargoyle

 

changkyun: halloween is really bringing out the best insults

 

jooheon: wait is a gargoyle like a certain kind of goblin

jooheon: i’m confused

 

changkyun: the only goblins are kihyun and gong yoo

 

jooheon: what about that song by clc

 

changkyun: that’s a song it’s not alive

 

jooheon: to me it is

 

hyunwoo: wait but then

hyunwoo: what are gremlins

hyunwoo: are those different

 

jooheon: my head hurts

 

spooky minhyuk: oh but you will be making out when he does get there? ok

spooky minhyuk: the others got thrown off by that gargoyle comment

spooky minhyuk: but you can’t escape me chae hyungwon

 

hyungwon: okay let’s not do this

 

changkyun: ooh how spicy

changkyun: there’s no escape hyungwon

changkyun: the good natured teasing will never end

 

spooky minhyuk: all i’m saying is if you guys start macking on each other send us pics

 

yoo goblin: or don’t

 

hyunwoo: please don’t

 

jooheon: ngl i wouldn’t mind seeing two visual legends kiss

jooheon: take one of those cute mid-kiss couple pics

 

changkyun: unless hoseok hyung is camera shy

changkyun: eyes emoji

 

jooheon: can you please stop typing “eyes emoji” just use it

 

changkyun: they have two very different effects

 

hyungwon: what

hyungwon: he’s not camera shy

 

spooky minhyuk: OH??

 

changkyun: do you film him often

changkyun: eyes emoji

 

jooheon: DAMMIT changkyun

 

hyungwon: NO

hyungwon: I MEAN BECAUSE HE LOVES TAKING SELFIES 

hyungwon: and he always makes me take fake candids of him

hyungwon: like he throws me a $500 camera

hyungwon: which no one should be throwing

hyungwon: and is like oooh hyungwon take a pic of me looking chic and pensive

 

spooky minhyuk: don’t expose him like that

 

yoo goblin: yeah what kind of boyfriend are you

 

hyungwon: does it matter how they get taken if they still turn out good

 

festive booze: every pic of me turns out good

festive booze: how could it not when i’m in it

 

hyungwon: he’s not in my apartment yet but i already want him to go home

 

jooheon: and they say romance is dead

 

festive booze: oh yeah well knock knock asshole i’m at your door

festive booze: with the coffee i lovingly purchased you

 

hyungwon: did i mention i love you

 

festive booze: OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR

 

jooheon: LMAO

 

changkyun: it’s like they’re in the honeymoon phase but also have been married for 80 years

 

spooky minhyuk: a scarily accurate description considering how much hyungwon acts like an old man

 

festive booze: doesn’t kiss like one

 

changkyun: OMG

 

hyungwon: i wanna be flattered but instead i’m MORTIFIED

 

jooheon: i’m really hating the implication that hoseok knows what kissing an old man feels like

 

festive booze: as if you’ve never been desperate for twenty bucks

 

spooky minhyuk: OOOH 

spooky minhyuk: omg i

spooky minhyuk: can i say this omg

spooky minhyuk: hoseok don’t hurt me but like

spooky minhyuk: i always wondered what kissing hyungwon would be like

 

jooheon: me too

 

changkyun: me also

 

hyunwoo: yeah me too

 

hyungwon: LMFAO HYUNWOO

 

spooky minhyuk: IT’S THOSE LIPS

spooky minhyuk: so cushiony

 

festive booze: me too like even before we dated

festive booze: like before i even liked him like that

 

hyungwon: so everyone has wanted to kiss me except for kihyun? 

hyungwon: i feel a bit hurt but i’ll live

 

yoo goblin: why would you want me to kiss you we’re like enemies

yoo goblin: like not really but that’s our gig

 

hyungwon: well i don’t want you to kiss me NOW 

hyungwon: because i have a hoseok

hyungwon: but it’s the thought that counts

 

yoo goblin: okay so maybe it crossed my mind

yoo goblin: like once or twice 

yoo goblin: twice maximum

 

hyungwon: FUCK YEAH

hyungwon: i feel so powerful

 

festive booze: I DON’T

festive booze: stay away you homewreckers

 

jooheon: honestly i’ve thought about kissing each of you at least once

jooheon: dating you also

jooheon: like how can you be friends with someone and never think either of those at least once

 

yoo goblin: who would be the best theoretical boyfriend in your mind

 

jooheon: hyunwoo hyung

 

hyunwoo: :)

 

spooky minhyuk: aw he’s happy

spooky minhyuk: why is that

 

jooheon: idk

jooheon: he’s so manly and would kill spiders for me 

jooheon: and he’s cool and funny and lets me sleep on his beefy arm

jooheon: that’s all my criteria

 

yoo goblin: now even i want to date him

yoo goblin: who’s the best theoretical kisser

 

jooheon: i just get a vibe

jooheon: like it’s hoseok hyung

 

spooky minhyuk: yeah he’s good

 

changkyun: WAIT

 

jooheon: um

 

spooky minhyuk: what

 

hyungwon: eyes emoji

 

jooheon: NOT YOU TOO DAMMIT

 

spooky minhyuk: hoseok and i kissed once no big deal

spooky minhyuk: it was just a peck

spooky minhyuk: for five minutes

spooky minhyuk: that was it i swear

 

festive booze: can confirm

festive booze: was there

 

hyungwon: i’m not mad but why didn’t you tell me

 

yoo goblin: WHY CAN’T ANYONE IN THIS DAMN GROUPCHAT HAVE A VERBAL CONVERSATION

yoo goblin: YOU TWO ARE IN THE SAME ROOM 

 

festive booze: seemed irrelevant it was prior to our relationship

 

hyungwon: fair enough

 

jooheon: wow so i’m psychic

 

changkyun: how did you come to that conclusion

 

jooheon: i was right about hoseok hyung

changkyun: you can’t just be right about one thing one time and call yourself psychic

 

jooheon: can you stop riding my dick so hard for like 2 minutes

jooheon: maybe hyunwoo hyung is a good bf and i’m right about that too

jooheon: but until somebody dates him we won’t know

 

yoo goblin: i volunteer

 

spooky minhyuk: eyes emoji

 

jooheon: i hate this fucking family

 

spooky minhyuk: are you playing around yoo kihyun

spooky minhyuk: or are you serious

 

yoo goblin: idk

 

festive booze: yup because shit like this can’t happen when we’re all tipsy

festive booze: we do this shit when it’s the next day and we’re entirely sober 

festive boozer: ‘cause that makes sense 

 

hyungwon: you asked me out via text message while drunk even though i was right next to you

hyungwon: and then when i asked you about it you said you were drunk and didn’t remember sending it

 

festive booze: details

 

spooky minhyuk: blaming shit on alcohol is a dick move

spooky minhyuk: we make mistakes and embarrass ourselves like men

spooky minhyuk: entirely sober and painfully aware of our existence 

 

changkyun: hell yeah if i do something stupid that was my own dumbass sober self

 

hyungwon: i’m all for empowerment but i think this is the wrong way to go about it

hyungwon: i’m no psychologist though

hyungwon: wow i still haven’t done my homework

hyungwon: bad call on the letting hoseok come over thing

 

spooky minhyuk: well yeah you idiot fool

spooky minhyuk: and it’s all sober you’s fault

 

festive booze: cuddle quota: met

  
  



	6. seven way marriage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hoseok is passionate about the food network and needs a part time job

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this very tired i hope you enjoy...sorry for the long wait for this update

yoo goblin: i’m pissed off

 

**yoo goblin** changed their name to  **yooblin**

 

jooheon: i told you that was the superior name

 

spooky minhyuk: why are you pissed off

 

yooblin: because “bust a nut” doesn’t sound like what it means to me

yooblin: it sounds like something you’d say when you’re really mad

yooblin: like “you better cut that out or i’m gonna bust a nut”

 

jooheon: to be fair i’m sure people say that sometimes

 

spooky minhyuk: i think it sounds exactly like what it is

spooky minhyuk: but i see where you’re coming from

 

hyungwon: why do i come back to this

 

**hyungwon** changed their name to  **hauntwon**

 

festive booze: YES baby join the club

 

**jooheon** changed their name to  **booheon**

 

festive booze: HELL YEAH

festive booze: good one 

 

spooky minhyuk: now i have an excuse to call jooheon “boo”

spooky minhyuk: this is the best day of my life

spooky minhyuk: honestly i really love these nicknames

spooky minhyuk: and as a scorpio? i can feel myself growing stronger

 

yooblin: you literally do not need to be any stronger than you already are

yooblin: you already have so much sway in our friend group

yooblin: if you told hyunwoo to take out a loan of 60k to help you open an amusement park

yooblin: i think the odds are like 30/70 that he’d take it out

 

spooky minhyuk: that’s only 30% that’s not even bad

 

yooblin: that is way too likely considering the situation

 

spooky minhyuk: hyung

spooky minhyuk: would you do that for me

 

hyunwoo: i’d consider it 

 

spooky minhyuk: AW

 

yooblin: NOT AW 

yooblin: that’s not a good thing

yooblin: too powerful

 

spooky minhyuk: ;)

 

festive booze: wait okay i’m having a crisis

 

spooky minhyuk: should i come over with booze

 

festive booze: what

festive booze: no omg

festive booze: i have a job interview 

festive booze: it’s just a part time job at a place on campus but i’m like

festive booze: so stressed out

 

spooky minhyuk: well okay

spooky minhyuk: the worst possible outcome is that you don’t get the job

spooky minhyuk: would that be like the end of the world

 

festive booze: no i mean i’d just apply somewhere else and try again right

 

yooblin: it won’t last forever

yooblin: eventually it will end and you just go from there

 

festive booze: that’s true :(

festive booze: i just can’t shake the nerves for some reason

festive booze: i’m usually so charismatic

 

changkyun: modest too

 

booheon: let the man hype himself up he’s stressed

 

changkyun: okay my bad

 

booheon: i bet you’ll kill it hyung

booheon: who wouldn’t want you to work for them

 

festive booze: aww jooheonie

  
  


changkyun: RIGHT

changkyun: think of all the tips he’ll bring in

 

spooky minhyuk: i like the way your mind works kid

 

hyunwoo: i fear the way his mind works

 

hauntwon: if they don’t hire you 

hauntwon: i’ll go beat them up

 

yooblin: LMAOOO

yooblin: is there anything stronger than LMAO 

yooblin: i need to fully express how much i’m mocking him

 

changkyun: now hyung…

 

hauntwon: i’m mostly kidding i just wanted to make him laugh

hauntwon: no but uh like idk if you know me but i would fight

hauntwon: i would get my fucking ass kicked but it'd be after a long and arduous battle

hauntwon: anyways maybe hyunwoo hyung can give them a talking to

 

 

spooky minhyuk: oh yeah because hyung is so eloquent

 

hyunwoo: hey 

 

spooky minhyuk: i love you hyung but you’re not exactly socrates

 

booheon: if hyunwoo hyung came up to me and i didn't know him well 

booheon: and he was all six feet of pure muscle and wanted me to give his friend a job

booheon: i would give his friend every job. all of them. he owns the store now. please don't hurt me. 

 

hauntwon: i didn’t mean literally talking

hauntwon: i meant more threatening of bodily harm

hauntwon: but i get it

hauntwon: we’re a group of peacemakers i see

 

booheon: have you met kihyun hyung

 

yooblin: WHAT IS THIS

yooblin: i’m the most peaceful person i know

 

booheon: caps lock is extremely confrontational hyung

 

yooblin: ...point taken

 

changkyun: personally i find this hilarious

changkyun: kihyun hyung looks soft and nice but is a vicious yet loving mother

changkyun: and jooheon hyung looks vicious but is a gentle and easily frightened soul

changkyun: with dimples that could make a grown man weep

 

festive booze: and indeed i have

 

booheon: i know kihyun’s not my actual mom but i know for a fact that if i got in trouble with the dean kihyun would put that man through the wringer 

 

spooky minhyuk: LMAO he’s like “you’re not mrs. lee”

spooky minhyuk: and kihyun’s like “ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME THIS ISN’T MY SON BITCH”

 

festive booze: "no jooheon you can’t have those they’re too expensive"

festive booze: "but mom the other kids will laugh at me"

festive booze: "ONLY THE BEST FOR MY BABY"

 

yooblin: glad we’ve established that i’d die for each and every one of you

 

hauntwon: even me omg

 

yooblin: i’d be kinda bummed but yeah

 

changkyun: who would you want to die for the most

 

yooblin: hyunwoo

yooblin: it’s for a good cause

 

changkyun: eyes emoji

 

booheon: oh my god please don’t start this again

 

yooblin: STOP

yooblin: i just mean bc hyunwoo is lovable and nice and if there was ever like

yooblin: a zombie apocalypse he’d protect the rest of you the best

yooblin: so honestly it’s like who can fill my role the best

 

hauntwon: but i think minhyuk would though?

 

yooblin: minhyuk has the strength of a paper airplane 

yooblin: and he’s so loud the zombies would find you in seconds

 

hauntwon: sorry minhyuk i tried to defend your honor

hauntwon: but the goblin’s got facts

 

spooky minhyuk: i appreciate the effort anyways but also acknowledge kihyun this one time

 

hauntwon: who would be eaten first if there were zombies

 

changkyun: i’m getting a really strong jooheon vibe?

changkyun: they can probably smell fear and he’s thicc

 

booheon: never thought i could be called thicc and it’d be a bad thing and yet

 

hauntwon: who’d be last

 

yooblin: you you’re so skinny it’s not worth it

yooblin: that’s like hardly any meat

 

spooky minhyuk: i really don’t like how matter of fact he was about that

spooky minhyuk: like what does he know that i don’t know

 

hauntwon: i’m gonna fucking haunt you

hauntwon: just like my username

 

yooblin: you’d have to die first in order to do that

yooblin: but if those zombies know what’s good for them you’ll die last like i said

yooblin: so you’ll have to wait on that

 

hauntwon: thanks for that

hauntwon: and thank you

hauntwon: for always knowing exactly what to say

hauntwon: to make me regret ever being born

 

yooblin: speaking of this 

yooblin: i came to the horrifying realization last night

yooblin: laying in my bed at 4:28 am

 

changkyun: wow he even remembers the exact time

 

yooblin: that if minhyuk and hoseok were stranded together on an island

yooblin: they’d die so fucking fast

 

spooky minhyuk: i resent that

spooky minhyuk: a lot

 

changkyun: why were you fantasizing about them getting stranded on an island

 

booheon: out of curiosity what makes you say that

 

yooblin: you’d need food and to create shelter and like

yooblin: neither of them would be willing to kill anything

yooblin: hoseok doesn’t even kill mosquitos which are like the least lovable insects

yooblin: literally vectors for disease 

yooblin: they’d both be so DAMN loud they’d scare off any animals

 

festive booze: wow you are so right

festive booze: minhyuk

festive booze: we’re dying bitch ksafjasf

 

spooky minhyuk: WOW 

spooky minhyuk: we could probably survive a day

 

booheon: i disagree?

booheon: i think they would complain so much abt being stuck on the island

booheon: and just be so whiny and miserable that some higher power would just

booheon: put them back where they came from

 

changkyun: you don’t DESERVE this bountiful island - universe

 

yooblin: the universe is like damn these guys are really some dumbass losers...get them out of my sight

 

festive booze: holy shit is it hate on wonhyuk day

 

changkyun: i’m sorry

changkyun: did you just give yourselves a fucking ship name

 

festive booze: it’s so much less work than writing out both our names every time

festive booze: i’m a man of the future

 

booheon: capitalism rules here! we go for efficiency and throw away happiness

 

hyunwoo: once again? no need to make it that dark 

 

spooky minhyuk: sometimes i think hyunwoo finally left the groupchat

spooky minhyuk: and then 

spooky minhyuk: as if he were a ghost

spooky minhyuk: he reappears 

 

hyunwoo: i’m not a ghost

hyunwoo: i’m always here i just don’t have much to say

 

spooky minhyuk: i know this

spooky minhyuk: and i love you

 

changkyun: we love comedy god son hyunwoo 

 

festive booze: actually though

festive booze: if you were a ghost it’s not like you’d know

 

booheon: HOLD ON A SECOND

 

festive booze: we’re all ghosts in a way

festive booze: held here by things we can’t move on from

 

spooky minhyuk: holy FUCK 

 

hyunwoo: this got really dark like darker than ever before 

hyunwoo: and frankly i’m stressed out now

 

hauntwon: ...baby are you okay?

 

festive booze: fine, just haunted.

 

changkyun: dumps holy water on my phone and soaks it in rice

 

festive booze: might save your phone but won’t get rid of your inner demons changkyunnie

 

changkyun: jesus chrsit

 

hauntwon: okay i’m coming over lol i don’t like how this is going

 

yooblin: i want to make a snarky comment but honestly i have goosebumps

 

changkyun: i think we’re all taking halloween too seriously

 

festive booze: can you bring me a kit-kat and a bag of doritos

festive booze: and hold me for a really long time

 

hauntwon: of course :( <3

  
  


**hauntwon to festive booze:**

 

hauntwon: is it just one of those days?

 

festive booze: yeah. idk. i’m sorry :(

 

hauntwon: it’s okay i’m excited to see you! i’ll be there in like 25 minutes

hauntwon: is that okay

 

festive booze: of course! thank you i love you

 

hauntwon: i love you too!! 

  
  
  


**it’s ya boy, skinny penis:**

 

spooky minhyuk: i love love

spooky minhyuk: i remember my first love

 

changkyun: what omg

 

yooblin: who wtf

 

spooky minhyuk: it was robin from teen titans

spooky minhyuk: that mask was so sexy

 

changkyun: oh okay

 

booheon: everything makes sense again

booheon: i was like who stole minhyuk’s heart

 

spooky minhyuk: oh no baby

spooky minhyuk: i do all the heart stealing around here

 

hyunwoo:...true

 

yooblin: i’m grumbling but i’m admitting it 

 

changkyun: minhyuk hyung generally treats us the same but like

changkyun: every time i’m with him i feel so special

 

spooky minhyuk: AWW CHANGKYUNNIE

 

booheon: it’s just so funny bc we all feel that way askjf

booheon: we all feel like we’re minhyuk’s one true love

 

festive booze: wow

festive booze: i think we might all be dating minhyuk

 

hauntwon: omg

hauntwon: i think you’re right

 

spooky minhyuk: i didn’t realize either 

spooky minhyuk: but now that you say that

 

yooblin: how many people can legally be married to each other

 

changkyun: pretty sure it’s still just two people

 

yooblin: BORING

 

booheon: that’s so disappointing i was hoping we could all be married to minhyuk

booheon: like sister wives or whatever

booheon: but like minhyuk brother husbands

 

changkyun: what the fuck does that mean

 

booheon: i mean idk i never watched it

booheon: it was on like tlc

 

changkyun: how dare you assume i don’t know what channel it was on

changkyun: i live off tlc

changkyun: remember what not to wear?? i was there for that shit

 

hyunwoo: cake boss

 

spooky minhyuk: OKAY I’M VERY TOUCHED AND ALL 

spooky minhyuk: BUT I’M CRACKING THE FUCK UP 

spooky minhyuk: HYUNWOO I CAN’T EVEN SEE HE JUST DOESN’T TALK

spooky minhyuk: AND THEN SUDDENLY

spooky minhyuk: CAKE BOSS

spooky minhyuk: I CAN HEAR HIM SAYING IT 

 

booheon: THAT’S SO HAUNTING JUST HIS DEEP VOICE

booheon: AND IT ECHOES 

 

festive booze: you’re all fake gays?? real gays watch the food network

 

changkyun: you’re not even gay you’re bi what is this

 

festive booze: this erasure? it’s an umbrella term

 

spooky minhyuk: i fucking love the food network

spooky minhyuk: where else can i learn so much abt cooking and still not know how to cook

spooky minhyuk: yeah i know what a garnish is but fuck if i can make even spaghetti right

 

hauntwon: good thing this is korea and that’s not something people consider a dietary staple

 

changkyun: i don’t know what korea you’re living in but spaghetti is very much a part of my life

 

hauntwon: if you went into a korean restaurant here and asked for spaghetti the ajumeoni would slap you with a rice paddle and kick you the fuck out

 

spooky minhyuk: go to itaewon you scum

 

booheon: kimchi jjigae or bust motherfucker 

 

festive booze: i think my grandma has literally said those words

 

hauntwon: i love the food network but once the like four hours per day of diners, drive-ins, and dives starts i just change the channel

 

festive booze: what has guy fieri ever done to you

 

hauntwon: call things gnarly on national television

 

changkyun: valid complaint

 

festive booze: side note fuck pioneer woman??

festive booze: she’s like “lol have to make some dinner for the 50 men i live with”

festive booze: why is she okay with that

festive booze: and then it always cuts to random shots of men riding horses

festive booze: and then she makes desert

festive booze: and i always think it looks good

festive booze: and then she puts like sour cream or some shit in it 

 

yooblin: clearly this causes you great distress

 

festive booze: WHY DOESN’T IT CAUSE /HER/ DISTRESS

festive booze: she’s making enough food to feed an army like for every meal

festive booze: the serving size of macaroni confuses me so i just eat the whole box

festive booze: who has the time for shit like this

 

spooky minhyuk: are you just upset because you don’t have your own show

spooky minhyuk: on the network of food

 

festive booze: i wasn’t before but like

festive booze: now i am

 

booheon: i really want just like one episode of chopped

booheon: where they just say fuck it 

booheon: and the mystery basket has close to unusable food

booheon: like appetizer round

booheon: here’s a fucking pack of number two pencils and some lemon peels

 

changkyun: pencils aren’t food

 

booheon: not with the way these chopped contestants are under utilizing the basket ingredients they’re not

 

yooblin: every day i think i’ve already been present for the worst conversation ever

yooblin: and then i see shit like that

 

spooky minhyuk: stick it in the ice cream machine

 

festive booze: one time a lady did that with literally like 4 minutes left and i screamed

 

hauntwon: i was there to confirm

hauntwon: i wasn’t really watching but that scream was very real and very loud

 

festive booze: my neighbor is this 36 year old woman

festive booze: and she was like please quiet down

festive booze: and i was like hyejung noona get a load of this 

festive booze: and i rewinded the episode so she could see and then she screamed too

 

booheon: LMAO 

 

festive booze: she was like nvm scream your ass off that’s wild

festive booze: she really gets it

 

hauntwon: sometimes i feel like hyejung noona is my mom 

hauntwon: she heard hoseok coughing through the wall and brought him soup

spooky minhyuk: oh shit are your walls that thin

spooky minhyuk: what else does she hear

 

festive booze: we both hear each other at all times...and we just choose to not mention it

 

booheon: that’s so intimate 

 

festive booze: i know that woman better than i know myself

 

hauntwon: hoseok i’m at the door

 

festive booze: sick do you want me to invite noona over

 

hauntwon: NO I WANT YOU TO OPEN THE DOOR

 

festive booze: okay damn

 

spooky minhyuk: woah know what’s weird

spooky minhyuk: for a millisecond i forgot you guys were dating

spooky minhyuk: so i was like hurt that you were hanging out without me

spooky minhyuk: and then i remembered and i’m fine again but it was a strange millisecond

 

festive booze: I DO THAT TOO

festive booze: i’m like just guys being bros and then i’m kissing hyungwon and i’m like

festive booze: wait a second

 

hauntwon: isn’t he dreamy

hauntwon: his head is in my lap right now and he looks so content 

 

festive booze: i’m very comfy 

 

booheon: CUTE

 

changkyun: SEND A PIC

 

hauntwon: Image Sent

 

spooky minhyuk: those are my Fuckign boys

 

booheon: aw hoseok hyung looks cute and sleepy

 

hauntwon: i think we’re gonna take a nap together!! i’m so excited

 

changkyun: so excited to sleep lmao

 

hauntwon: of course my heart is beating so fast right now just thinking about it

 

festive booze: yeah his heart isn’t beating fast bc he’s with his boyfriend it’s bc he gets to sleep

festive booze: it’s okay tho i still love him

 

hauntwon: my heart is beating fast because i get to sleep next to my boyfriend

 

booheon: that recovery was so smooth i gasped lmao

  
  



	7. sugar dongsaeng

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter might have weird formatting bc it's bein uploaded from my phone!! also the thing with wonho's dad is just like bc i've never heard about wonho's dad ever or seen pics but we all know stuff abt his mom but it's not to be taken seriously anyway. enjoy!

booheon: GUESS WHAT I REALIZED

yooblin: what

booheon: MINHYUK IS SPONGEBOB

changkyun: WAIT

spooky minhyuk: WHAT   
spooky minhyuk: WHY IS THAT

yooblin: that's so true

booheon: because spongebob is bright and happy and has infinite love for his friends   
booheon: also obligatory mention of how spongebob is yellow and you had yellow hair for ages

festive booze: then who's squidward

booheon: kihyun hyung

changkyun: LMFAOO

festive booze: AJNSKSKS  
festive booze: i laughed so much i'm nauseous

spooky minhyuk: i wanted to deny it but wow...facts

hyunwoo: you live in a pineapple

changkyun: how luxurious

festive booze: embrace it  
festive booze: embrace the squishy little sponge man inside of you

yooblin: i really don't like that sentence

changkyun: that sentence is cursed and haunted

yooblin: ooh just in time for the holiday season

festive booze: oh you guys know that job

spooky minhyuk: yes!

festive booze: well first of all I didn't get it so jot that down   
festive booze: but it's fine

spooky minhyuk: seriously though hoseok like there are so many other jobs   
spooky minhyuk: like i'm sorry you didn't get it but it'll be okay

yooblin: you've never worked a day in your life you scoundrel

hauntwon: can you believe this guy  
hauntwon: he worked two part time jobs for a month and a half and he's like  
hauntwon: back in my day we had to walk to school upside down and sideways while on fire  
hauntwon: kids these days don't know the value of a dollar

changkyun: maybe kihyun is mr. krabs instead

spooky minhyuk: 1) that's not true kihyun i've been a waiter and a barista 2) fighting the urge to kick your ass on the daily is a full time job with benefits

festive booze: what are the benefits

spooky minhyuk: i don't go to jail

festive booze: oh that's a good one

hauntwon: yes, as opposed to jobs that offer things like healthcare and dental care.

festive booze: i'd rather not be in jail than get a free teeth cleaning

hauntwon: babe  
hauntwon: you have like full control over whether or not you go to jail that's not a benefit  
hauntwon: you HAVE to have teeth

changkyun: not if i have anything to say about it

booheon: is that a threat

yooblin: why is that so ominous

festive booze: oh i guess so  
festive booze: sorry minhyuk has this ability to make everything sound good even when it's terrible

hyunwoo: don't i know it

changkyun: that "ability" conned me out of $60

spooky minhyuk: i really needed those chokers though like it was a good investment

hauntwon: you made changkyunnie buy you accessories?  
hauntwon: changkyun are you his sugar daddy

changkyun: first of all i have student loans  
changkyun: also would it even count if i'm younger

festive booze: no then you'd be like  
festive booze: a sugar dongsaeng

booheon: SUGAR D O N G S A E N G

yooblin: HOSEOK

changkyun: HOLY FUCK

 **changkyun** changed their name to **sugar dongsaeng**

sugar dongsaeng: this is who i am now

yooblin: you just said yourself you have no goddamn money

spooky minhyuk: i accept other forms of payment

booheon: woah

hauntwon: saucy

spooky minhyuk: like food

booheon: oh thank god

spooky minhyuk: there's worse people you could bone you know  
spooky minhyuk: like there's no need for this "oh god no" business i'm a catch goddammit

hyunwoo: don't get too upset minhyuk-ah we're all friends here

spooky minhyuk: thanks father i needed that

booheon: incredible he wasn't even here and that's a text message but i can hear the Dad voice

hauntwon: me too i feel like i'm supposed to clean my room suddenly

festive booze: i just yelled at myself for leaving the door open while the air conditioner was on  
festive booze: the power of the dad is unmatched  
festive booze: jk i don't know my dad

sugar dongsaeng: that was a ride

booheon: plot twist

spooky minhyuk: wait really

festive booze: yeah he's just never really been in my life

spooky minhyuk: i meant the fact that you had an air conditioner but thank you for opening up to me ily

festive booze: anytime  
festive booze: you know me  
festive booze: always oversharing

hyunwoo: if you always overshare at some point doesn't it just become sharing

sugar dongsaeng: FACTS

booheon: dad coming in with the #knowledge

hauntwon: to be fair, all of us overshare

booheon: this is really terrible   
booheon: but i even know minhyuk hyung's social security number

spooky minhyuk: YOU KNOW WHAT NOW

booheon: you were drunk and you whispered it to me and for some reason I always remember

spooky minhyuk: that's so fucking weird because i can hardly remember it sober   
spooky minhyuk: what the fuck i hope you're the only person i've done that to then

sugar dongsaeng: so i have some bad news

yooblin: i'll pay someone $30 to get changkyun and jooheon banned from this chat

spooky minhyuk: well fuck

hauntwon: loosen up hamster cheeks

yooblin: WHAT  
yooblin: what kind of insults are these

spooky minhyuk: to be fair ki you do look like a hamster  
spooky minhyuk: but it's cute it's stylish

festive booze: it's how he shows his love  
festive booze: weird insults  
festive booze: i'm scared i think it's starting to rub off on me  
festive booze: i was in traffic and someone cut me off and i went  
festive booze: fuck off you stupid burnt piece of celery

booheon: wow you ended them

spooky minhyuk: not to sound like an idiot but if someone called me that i'd cry  
spooky minhyuk: like not even because i was offended but because i'd be so confused my brain would just produce tears

hauntwon: that happens to me all the time in algebra

spooky minhyuk: oh speaking of tears

festive booze: there's so many places this could go i'm on the edge of my seat

spooky minhyuk: there's a haunted house like 1 hr and 30 min away is anyone up for it

festive booze: Well,  
festive booze: can we hold hands in a like

spooky minhyuk: yes already one step ahead of you  
spooky minhyuk: with hyunwoo in the front  
spooky minhyuk: so we know what to expect

booheon: you can't make me

spooky minhyuk: you're right

booheon: oh that was surprisingly easy thank you

spooky minhyuk: but slowly as the date approaches you'll feel more and more left out and lonely and end up going anyway in order to feel a sense of belonging

booheon: yup there it is

sugar dongsaeng: wow like i don't even go here but scorpios truly are the worst

spooky minhyuk: HEY

hauntwon: wow jooheon just got psychologically pulverized

festive booze: it's okay jooheonie you can be sandwiched between your strong hyungs

sugar dongsaeng: speaking of being sandwiched between people

festive booze: again so many places this could go

sugar dongsaeng: can we have another cuddle night soon i'm touch starved   
sugar dongsaeng: the only things that touch me are my stuffed animals and the never ending and suffocating embrace of my student debt

festive booze: oh

spooky minhyuk: of course baby ck

booheon: i thought that said bk  
booheon: like Burger King

festive booze: our lovely maknae  
festive booze: burgerkyun

yooblin: HOSEOK FUCK YOU

booheon: THERE ARE TEARS IN MY EYES

sugar dongsaeng: yesterday i was just another boy  
sugar dongsaeng: now  
sugar dongsaeng: i am sugar dongsaeng im burgerkyun

hauntwon: what language is this

hyunwoo: suddenly i don't know how to read

 


	8. pasta threesome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there's ravioli and hyunwoo makes a clown quit his job

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a joke abt jooheon not being able to see but it's literally just bc his vision is terrible (relatable) and not a joke abt his eye size which i want to clarify because wow do i see people making racist jokes about his eyes fuck off?? anyway enjoy!

spooky minhyuk: so the haunted house was a success

hauntwon: jooheon running out of the emergency exit screaming and hiding behind a bush  
hauntwon: is not what i'd call a success

booheon: no like actually that's pretty good for me   
booheon: i'm proud of myself

spooky minhyuk: aww baby you should be

festive booze: did you see how pissed off the workers were at hyunwoo   
festive booze: they were trying so hard to scare him and he wouldn't budge

yooblin: Classic

spooky minhyuk: I KNOW that one clown actually took off his mask and went FUCK THIS PLACE

hyunwoo: that was my fault? i thought he was just sick of working for minimum wage

sugar dongsaeng: did you know I love you hyung lmfao

hyunwoo: i love you too changkyunnie :)

booheon: dad is so cute look at him using emoticons

hyunwoo: oh wait i learned a new one  
hyunwoo: :^] now he has a nose!

yooblin: my heart...

spooky minhyuk: i'm physically pained right now by the fact that i can't hug hyunwoo hyung

hyunwoo: :^]

hauntwon: so not to sound like a dumbass  
hauntwon: like i know the chainsaws were fake  
hauntwon: but in the back of mind i was still just like...Um But What If They're Real

booheon: ME THE FUCK TOO  
booheon: that's why i held on to minhyuk hyung so tight

spooky minhyuk: i have bruises  
spooky minhyuk: i think if they wanted to get jooheon's fingerprints they could lift them from my arm

booheon: sorry

spooky minhyuk: it's okay jooheonie i knew what i was getting myself into lmfao

yooblin: hoseok hyung was so funny  
yooblin: he's this muscly dude but he's all soft inside and holding onto hyungwon as if hyungwon is any help  
yooblin: hyungwon wouldn't win in a fight with a lunchables  
yooblin: and hyungwon was holding on to hoseok who was equally useless

hauntwon: we're soulmates

booheon: god i can't see shit over this giant bag of ravioli

hyunwoo: excuse me

spooky minhyuk: to be fair you usually can't see shit  
spooky minhyuk: wear your fucking glasses

yooblin: i'm gonna need some context before i can properly reply to that

sugar dongsaeng: what's there to explain the man has a sack of ravioli

yooblin: what you find normal sickens me

hyunwoo: did you go to olive garden

spooky minhyuk: OLIVE GARDEN???   
spooky minhyuk: in korea???

booheon: itaewon  
booheon: gotta love those foreigners   
booheon: it's new   
booheon: the warmth from these raviolis feels like a mother's hug

spooky minhyuk: wait why are they in a bag  
spooky minhyuk: where are you right now

booheon: in a car i can't wait to get to the apartment and eat them

yooblin: WHO'S DRIVING

booheon: hoseok hyung  
booheon: we went with hyungwon hyung too  
booheon: but he couldn't drive he lost his glasses and he needs new contacts  
booheon: and we didn't wanna crash because then the ravioli would get crushed

yooblin: yeah. the raviolis. that's why you shouldn't get in a crash

booheon: hyung i'll die before I waste $15 because a car hit my dinner

sugar dongsaeng: LMFAO HYUNG NO

yooblin: wow

spooky minhyuk: THOSE FUCKERS  
spooky minhyuk: EATING CARBS WITHOUT US

sugar dongsaeng: hyung be honest with us  
sugar dongsaeng: is this some kind of pre threesome foreplay

yooblin: CHANGKYUN

booheon: NO WHAT THE HELL  
booheon: IT'S FRIENDS EATING DINNER TOGETHER

spooky minhyuk: we've all heard that before

sugar dongsaeng: those breadsticks sure are phallic

booheon: no you fucking tablecloths hoseok hyung just craved pasta and hyungwon was like Hey I Have An Idea

spooky minhyuk: was the idea a threesome

hauntwon: minhyuk  
hauntwon: why do you do this

spooky minhyuk: ooh i love when he's disappointed in me  
spooky minhyuk: i have goosebumps

yooblin: you're a sick man lee minhyuk

booheon: omg no  
booheon: hoseok hyung was just like  
booheon: who's talking about threesomes   
booheon: because hyungwon hyung and i were discussing the groupchat  
booheon: and we were like oh minhyuk hyung  
booheon: and he was like oh tell him i said that sounds like a great idea  
booheon: omg

spooky minhyuk: YES

hauntwon: NO

booheon: was this the plan all along hyung  
booheon: to seduce me with italian food  
booheon: and complimentary mint chocolates

sugar dongsaeng: they lured him with breadsticks  
sugar dongsaeng: so they could have his breadstick

hauntwon: i hate all of you no JOOHEON  
hauntwon: it's gonna be a completely PG meal

festive booze: unless you'd like to make it 19+  
festive booze: but there's no pleasure  
festive booze: i mean pressure

hyunwoo: is jooheon really getting propositioned for a pasta threesome right in front of everybody

yooblin: i legitimately can't tell if he's kidding and that scares me

spooky minhyuk: i love this  
spooky minhyuk: ARENT YOU DRIVING

festive booze: WE'RE PARKED MOTHERFUCKER WE'RE HOME  
festive booze: how dare you imply i'd text and drive   
festive booze: with precious cargo aboard too  
festive booze: and jooheon and hyungwon

hauntwon: when you said precious cargo you meant the ravioli didn't you

festive booze: that's right baby!

hauntwon: love you too hoseok

sugar dongsaeng: so what's jooheon's reply  
sugar dongsaeng: eyes emoji

booheon: we're fuckin

spooky minhyuk: REALLY

yooblin: this can't be real

booheon: nah i'm kidding   
booheon: but now aren't you all doubting what is and isn't real  
booheon: let that doubt consume you  
booheon: you'll never know

 

 


	9. iron elbow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yoo kihyun has the worst day of his life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took a whil to update :( my computer has been all types of fucky and it hardly stays connected to the internet long enough to post from google drive. meanwhile, because google docs works offline i've been writing a vampire monsta x fic so if my computer ever FUCKING works i'll post that when i'm done editing it took me like 4 tries to post this also it's 5:30 am idk it this chapter makes sense

festive booze: omg guys great news

festive booze: at starbucks today this dude hit on me

 

yooblin: WHY is that good news you’re dating hyungwon

yooblin: ....aren’t you

 

festive booze: YES LMAO

 

festive booze: he thinks it’s good news too

 

yooblin: i was just checking

 

spooky minhyuk: hyungwon is into other guys hitting on you? kinky

 

sugar dongsaeng: yeah but what kihyun hyung said

sugar dongsaeng: why is that good news

 

festive booze: because it means i’m hot

festive booze: no i’m just kidding 

festive booze: because it means more people are being openly gay!

festive booze: or at least attracted to the same gender

festive booze: that’s so good

 

hauntwon: yeah i was literally with him when the guy told him he looked hot and to call him sometime

hauntwon: and even i was happy about it

hauntwon: we high fived

hauntwon: and then the guy was like what

hauntwon: and hoseok was like

hauntwon: sorry bro i’m taken by this tall guy

hauntwon: but i’m proud of you

hauntwon: and the guy smiled and gave him extra whipped cream

 

spooky minhyuk: i have a singular tear in my eye

spooky minhyuk: it’s fine

 

booheon: i’m touched

booheon: i’m crying into a big mac

 

hyunwoo: that sounds familiar

 

booheon: hyung

 

yooblin: normally i’d be really pissed off about all of this this but i’m having such a bad morning that it’s hilarious

yooblin: i live in a fucking cartoon

yooblin: i locked my phone and my car keys in the car

yooblin: and i was already late for a test

yooblin: and i couldn’t call anyone to help me because haha

yooblin: my fuckin phone is in the car

yooblin: so this dude sees me struggling

yooblin: i don’t know the guy but i’m desperate he goes

yooblin: hey little man what’s the sitch

 

sugar dongsaeng: he said what now

sugar dongsaeng: like in real life

 

yooblin: YES

yooblin: but i was so desperate changkyun

yooblin: so i was like i left my car keys and my phone in the car

yooblin: and he’s like oh no prob stand back

yooblin: so he just

yooblin: SLAMS HIS ELBOW INTO THE CAR WINDOW

yooblin: AND IT SHATTERS EVERYWHERE 

 

booheon: THAT GUY WASN’T A HUMAN 

booheon: YOU MADE CONTACT WITH THE OTHER FUCKING SIDE

 

sugar dongsaeng: HOLY SHIT

 

festive mood: i’m the window

 

spooky minhyuk: i’m the elbow that can break glass

 

hauntwon: guys no

 

yooblin: and he’s like there you go and he’s smiling as if i’m not gonna have to pay for a new window

yooblin: and i’m not even mad at him because like now i can get my keys and phone

yooblin: so i’m like okay what the fuck ever

yooblin: and the guy just leaves i still don’t know his name

yooblin: and i’m like well i’m late enough as is might as well get a coffee out of it

yooblin: so i get an iced coffee

yooblin: some dude bumps into me and i spill it all over my clothes

yooblin: i am iced coffee man

yooblin: my car is missing a window

yooblin: a man asked me what the sitch was

yooblin: i am climbing back into bed and trying again tomorrow test be damned

 

hauntwon: THAT’S THE SPIRIT

 

sugar dongsaeng: hyung is a big advocate of getting into bed

 

festive booze: don’t i know it

 

hauntwon: NO

 

spooky minhyuk: hoseok lmao

 

festive booze: i’m kidding no kihyun i’m so sorry that happened to you

festive booze: tomorrow will be better 

festive booze: if anyone ever FUCKING hires me maybe i can chip in for your window

 

hyunwoo: that guy with the iron elbow should pay for it actually

 

yooblin: aw no that’s okay hoseok

yooblin: so i agree hyung

yooblin: but i don’t think i’m ever gonna see that guy again i’m almost positive he was a hallucination

 

sugar dongsaeng: then who broke your window

 

yooblin: i don’t know and at this point i don’t care

 

spooky minhyuk: or what

 

yooblin: excuse me

 

spooky minhyuk: maybe it wasn’t a who at all that broke your window

spooky minhyuk: maybe it was a what

 

booheon: y’all don’t do this

 

hauntwon: i agree we already forced jooheon to go to a haunted house this month let him rest

 

spooky minhyuk: i’m not joking though omg it’s possible

 

festive booze: wait i just remembered something funny do you guys remember

festive booze: that one time hyunwoo locked the keys in the car but hyungwon was taking a nap in the backseat

festive booze: and he wouldn’t fucking wake up and we had to call the police

 

spooky minhyuk: HOLY SHIT yes i do

 

yooblin: how could i ever forget lmao

 

booheon: he slept through everything. everything. we pounded on the windows, we had people honk

 

sugar dongsaeng: it was so fucked up because if he had woken up for just one moment and opened the door or handed us the keys

sugar dongsaeng: he could’ve gone right back to sleep

sugar dongsaeng: it would have been over but instead

sugar dongsaeng: a police officer had to break into the car

 

hauntwon: we all make mistakes

hauntwon: at least mine are ones i have no control over

 

spooky minhyuk: see i think that’s worse

spooky minhyuk: because when i make mistakes they’re on me fully conscious

spooky minhyuk: you’re out here pulling this shit even when you’re not awake for it

spooky minhyuk: in your most natural state

spooky minhyuk: you are still doin this shit

 

booheon: WOAH

booheon: we’re gonna take it down to a 3 from the fucking 10 that that was

 

sugar dongsaeng: the hyungwon hyung vs. minhyuk hyung boxing match is at 7 pm reserve early seating and book your popcorn early because we are going to run OUT

 

hauntwon: if you got something to say to me say it to my face minhyuk-ah

 

booheon: hoseok hyung how do you feel about this

 

festive booze: oh no jooheon you’ve got the wrong guy

festive booze: i’m not involving myself with this if y’all need me i’m at the gym

 

hauntwon: thanks babe you’re my rock always standing up for me

hauntwon: no you’re not omg you’re in bed next to me

 

festive booze: not anymore i’m taking my ass to the elipticals 

 

spooky minhyuk: NO i was joking

spooky minhyuk: i left to pee for one minute and everyone has turned on me

 

booheon: the funny this is we’ll get over this as a group in like five more minutes but hyungwon wasn’t kidding 

booheon: i didn’t expect it but he’ll really tell you to say it to his face kasfjsakf 

 

sugar dongsaeng: i know lmfao i never knew that

sugar dongsaeng: remember that prank he did with gunhee hyung

sugar dongsaeng: i was shaking in my jordans

 

spooky minhyuk: hyungwon-ah forgive me

spooky minhyuk: i’m too pretty to be mad at

 

hauntwon: wow i had almost forgiven you until you added that last part in

hauntwon: now you have to earn my forgiveness

 

yooblin: is this really happening

yooblin: i’ve never seen minhyuk get blackmailed back

yooblin: this whole day is like some sort of fever dream

 

spooky minhyuk: what do i have to do

spooky minhyuk: is this another trick to get me to have a threesome with you and hoseok

spooky minhyuk: i thought you’d never ask

 

hauntwon: woah slow down there

 

festive booze: ANOTHER 

festive booze: this is the first time

 

sugar dongsaeng: so it is a threesome proposition then

 

festive booze: NO 

festive booze: stop twisting my words

 

sugar dongsaeng: BUT YOU SAID

 

festive booze: I KNOW WHAT I SAID

 

spooky minhyuk: why can jooheon have a threesome with you two and not me

spooky minhyuk: am i ugly

spooky minhyuk: is it because i’m blonde

 

hauntwon: how did we get here

hauntwon: also think about who my boyfriend is for just a second

hauntwon: and consider that last statement again

 

hyunwoo: i’m so confused

 

booheon: I DIDN’T HAVE A THREESOME WITH ANYBODY we had a quiet and amicable ravioli dinner i sat on the couch in a breadstick induced stupor for an hour and then they dropped me off at home

booheon: you know you’re not ugly hyung don’t do this

 

hauntwon: anyways what i was gonna ask for in return for my forgiveness

hauntwon: was for your help figuring out which selfie to post on instagram

 

booheon: boring

 

yooblin: a once in a lifetime opportunity to blackmail THE lee minhyuk

yooblin: wasted

 

spooky minhyuk: omg why i haven’t seen them but i already know they all look good

spooky minhyuk: like you’re in them aren’t you

spooky minhyuk: post all of them

 

festive booze: he’s surprisingly picky about selfies like even more than me

festive booze: he wanted to take one together in a cafe once and it took us 20 minutes

festive booze: hat on or off which way should i part my hair this lighting is bad my head looks huge my eye was half shut the flash was on 

festive booze: we weren’t even dating yet lmao

festive booze: i got so fed up i told him to just take a selfie alone and photoshop me in later

 

hauntwon: and that’s exactly what i did

 

sugar dongsaeng: so you mean that one pic on your instagram from march is

 

hauntwon: yup

 

booheon: wow this is a really good editing job

 

hauntwon: thanks i paid a guy in the IT department to do it

 

booheon: well he is a talent we can’t lose him can i book him for my birthday party

booheon: maybe he can make me look more chiseled

 

spooky minhyuk: no you’re my squishy baby that’s your thing

spooky minhyuk: chiseled jooheon is illegal in 49 states

 

hauntwon: which state is it allowed in

 

spooky minhyuk: texas

 

booheon: what why

 

sugar dongsaeng: now that i look closer a chunk of hoseok hyung’s shoulder is missing in that picture

 

hauntwon: WHAT NO

hauntwon: i’m not falling for this

 

booheon: OH WAIT

 

hauntwon: ah fuck i’m checking

hauntwon: I WANT MY MONEY BACK 

 

booheon: wow and just like that chiseled jooheon dies

booheon: sorry texas

 

spooky minhyuk: minhyuk: 1 texas: 0

 

yooblin: that’s not a score i thought i’d ever see

 

spooky minhyuk: right you should have seen the look on texas’ face

 

hyunwoo: i

 

yooblin: there’s so many questions

yooblin: that don’t have answers

yooblin: WHAT THE FUCK

 

festive booze: what happened

festive booze: i’m not at the gym anymore btw

 

hauntwon: spoiler alert? he was never at the fucking gym

hauntwon: he went in the kitchen

 

festive booze: i’ll have you know

festive booze: i brought my weights in there

festive booze: i made it my gym bitch

 

spooky minhyuk: anyway what happened kihyun omg

 

yooblin: i was outside and looked at my car

yooblin: so i could mourn properly

yooblin: and the window is quite literally

yooblin: completely fixed

 

booheon: WHAT THE FUCK

 

yooblin: exactly

 

sugar dongsaeng: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN

 

yooblin: there’s a note let me read it

yooblin: I’M 

 

spooky minhyuk: omfg what does it say

 

yooblin: it’s written in the worst handwriting ever

yooblin: it says

yooblin: hey little man sorry about that haha

yooblin: took your car to the shop (you left your keys in the car again gotta stop doin that lil man lmao)

 

festive booze: he WROTE “lmao”??

 

sugar dongsaeng: me if i ever get in fender bender

 

yooblin: got you a new window lil man lol enjoy your ride the keys are still in your car but i left it unlocked

yooblin: WHAT IF SOMEONE HAD TAKEN MY KEYS

 

hyunwoo: ok but he bought you a new window

 

yooblin: should i be upset that he lowkey hotwired my car

 

hauntwon: i mean probably not it was for a good cause now get your fucking keys

hauntwon: before this all happens again tomorrow

 

yooblin: i need to sit down and process this

yooblin: for a long

yooblin: long

yooblin: time

  
  
  
  



	10. rigor mortis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kihyun quits his job and hyungwon is a sexy lawyer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't even know if this chapter makes sense...will edit when i am not falling asleep. enjoy! i love my boys vote for monsta x for the mamas..http://www.mwave.me/en/mama/vote

yooblin: i’m qutting my job lmfao

 

spooky minhyuk: what omg

 

yooblin: you heard me

 

spooky minhyuk: no the fuck i didn’t this is all text

 

yooblin: anyways

yooblin: the job hunt starts now

 

festive booze: you and me both kihyunnie

 

hauntwon: why are you quitting

hauntwon: not that i care of course

 

booheon: keeping up the tom and jerry thing i see

booheon: very nicely played

 

sugar dongsaeng: that was more transparent than a window after it gets cleaned with windex

 

booheon: you know the rule about mentioning windex near me

 

sugar dongsaeng: so what you broke your nose running into a sliding door once

sugar dongsaeng: we all make mistakes your nose got over it why can’t you

 

booheon: my nose bridge has never quite been the same changkyun

booheon: not since the incident 

 

sugar dongsaeng: free plastic surgery

sugar dongsaeng: life hacks

 

yooblin: i wouldn’t call breaking your fuckin nose a life hack

yooblin: wait back to me

yooblin: so i work at a coffee place

yooblin: you know this 

 

spooky minhyuk: i do

spooky minhyuk: i make your life hell and force you to give me the moistest mufins

 

booheon: oh hyung don’t do this

booheon: don’t casually use the word “moistest”

 

spooky minhyuk: fine

spooky minhyuk: the most scrumptious and glistening

 

festive booze: i’m NAUSEOUS 

festive booze: i wanna quit too

 

hauntwon: quit what

 

festive booze: being friends with minhyuk 

 

spooky minhyuk: HEY

 

festive booze: YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE DOING 

 

yooblin: anyways i had this customer today

yooblin: and he ordered a coffee

yooblin: which would be fine

yooblin: but that’s all he said

yooblin: coffee

yooblin: so i’m like what kind of coffee sir

yooblin: and he’s like getting pissed off he’s like

yooblin: just coffee!!

 

hauntwon: i’m already getting a headache

 

yooblin: so i just decide to assume he wants black coffee

yooblin: so i’m like deep breath kihyun just relax

yooblin: so i ask him what size he wants

yooblin: AND NOW HE’S SUPER MAD

yooblin: HE GOES “GOD WHAT IS WITH ALL THESE FUCKING QUESTIONS I JUST WANT A COFFEE”

yooblin: LIKE FUCKING EXCUSE ME FOR TRYING TO CREATE SOME SEMBLANCE OF A FUCKING COFFEE ORDER FROM YOUR INCOHERENT GRUMBLING YOU PUNKASS SON OF A BITCH

yooblin: I’LL JUST GO FUCK MYSELF 

 

spooky minhyuk: i SO wish he said this to the customer like i know he didn’t but it would have been so glorious

 

hyunwoo: does that guy wanna take this outside 

 

sugar dongsaeng: and this is why i always stop teasing kihyun hyung right before he blows

 

yooblin: no guys

yooblin: lmfao

yooblin: i DID say that to the customer

 

hyunwoo: KIHYUN

 

spooky minhyuk: YOO KIHYUN

spooky minhyuk: it really IS scorpio season

 

booheon: HYUNG 

 

hauntwon: jesus christ 

 

yooblin: i’m a saggitarius asshole

 

spooky minhyuk: BY LIKE ONE FUCKING SECOND 

spooky minhyuk: accept who you are

spooky minhyuk: this is our prime

 

festive booze: kihyunnie how did you say that and not get fired 

festive booze: the hell

 

yooblin: well 

yooblin: i don’t know what the hell this guy’s problem was

yooblin: but he like calmed down after i screamed in his face

yooblin: and just went “you know what? i respect that” like what the fuck who does that

yooblin: and i already yelled at him i thought like what do i have to lose

yooblin: so i was like “i’d respect if you’d give me your fucking coffee order” and he was like

yooblin: medium iced coffee with caramel flavoring and sweetener

 

booheon: w h a t  t h e  f u c k

 

yooblin: and then he gave me a twenty dollar tip

yooblin: and the very next customer was this super old lady

yooblin: AND SHE THREW THE DRINK I MADE FOR HER IN MY FACE

yooblin: THIS IS THE SECOND TIME I’VE BEEN COVERED IN ICED COFFEE FROM HEAD TO TOE THIS WEEK

yooblin: THAT’S TOO FUCKING OFTEN

 

festive booze: WHAT THE FUCK

festive booze: thank god it wasn’t a hot coffee

 

yooblin: OH YEAH THANK GOD

yooblin: because i would have fucking melted that woman

 

booheon: minhyuk hyung he’s scaring me

 

spooky minhyuk: shh heonie it’s okay

 

yooblin: so anyway my manager just shrugged in my general direction

yooblin: while my hair was dripping coffee

yooblin: so i put in my two weeks

 

hauntwon: honestly though people are gonna be shitty no matter where you work

hauntwon: because they’re people

 

yooblin: that’s true? but they won’t be able to dump a coffee on my head while i make minimum wage and stand for nearly my entire shift

 

hauntwon: good point...wage that war on capitalism kihyun

 

sugar dongsaeng: i hate myself because i’ll talk for like hours about how corrupt capitalism is

sugar dongsaeng: but i’m still there for those fuckin christmas sales

 

hauntwon: the only sale i’m participating in is the half price candy the day after halloween

hauntwon: papa is getting some sugar

 

festive booze: we’re breaking up

 

booheon: HOSEOK HYUNG WAS SO FAST I COULDN’T EVEN MAKE A JOKE FIRST

 

spooky minhyuk: what sales changkyunnie the ones at lush

 

sugar dongsaeng: WILL YOU ALL JUST LET THAT GO

sugar dongsaeng: hyungwon hyung just called himself papa and you’re still focusing on me?

 

spooky minhyuk: I DIDN’T SEE THAT YOU’RE RIGHT

spooky minhyuk: is this some kind of kink of yours hyungwon

spooky minhyuk: being called papa??

spooky minhyuk: what kind of sugar are we talkin’?

 

festive booze: nothing i’d give him that’s for sure

festive booze: considering i’m single now and don’t know who hyungwon is

 

hauntwon: WOW minhyuk can say MOISTESS which i don’t even think is a word and scrumptious in the same minute but god forbid i call myself papa once

 

festive booze: that’s too many times!! 

festive booze: also aren’t humans just so terrible look how pissed those people got about coffee

festive booze: about drinks!! completely optional luxury drinks!! 

 

booheon: hyung no omg you’re supposed to be the optimistic one in our friend group

 

festive booze: that’s so not true that’s minhyuk’s job

 

booheon: oh i forgot

 

spooky minhyuk: you FORGOT?

 

booheon: no this is a misunderstanding 

 

spooky minhyuk: it sure is jooheonie 

 

sugar dongsaeng: i’m with jooheon right now and he just literally gulped

sugar dongsaeng: like he swallowed and his throat went “GULP” i had to do a double take

 

spooky minhyuk: omg what does he think i’m even going to do to him

spooky minhyuk: it’s not like i can kill him he’s my snuggle buddy

spooky minhyuk: we have a special bond

 

booheon: you’re talking about dumpling night aren’t you

 

spooky minhyuk: when am i not talking about dumpling night

spooky minhyuk: that night changed me

 

festive booze: there’s something about eating dumplings in the latest hours of the night and yet the earliest hours of the morning that just does that to a person

 

hyunwoo: i’m always so lost 

hyunwoo: it doesn’t even feel like being lost anymore because it’s just my constant state of being

 

booheon: hyung are you okay

 

yooblin: jesus

 

hyunwoo: are any of us?

 

booheon: u m,,

 

sugar dongsaeng: HE GULPED AGAIN

 

hyunwoo: i’m kidding i’m great i’m eating some beef

 

hauntwon: the amount of testosterone in that one message knocked me on my ass

 

booheon: wow it’s like if someone took all of hyung’s personality and compressed it into one text

 

spooky minhyuk: oh papa if you’re sitting down the easier it will be for hoseok to give you some sugar

 

hauntwon: fuck off

 

festive booze: why does this have to happen to me?

festive booze: i pay my taxes

festive booze: a little late but still

festive booze: i recycle

 

hauntwon: stealing my hoodies and then wearing them to the store is not recycling

hauntwon: it’s theft 

 

festive booze: but i’m reusing it

 

hauntwon: that’s so not how that works

 

spooky minhyuk: but it’s cute theft so it’s okay

 

hauntwon: also so not how that works? 

hauntwon: you two are gonna get sued one day

 

festive booze: yeah and my hot lawyer bf will back me tf up in court

 

hauntwon: i thought you were single

 

festive booze: not when i’m getting sued i’m not

festive booze: and i love you and you know i was kidding earlier

 

hauntwon: honestly i would’ve understood if you weren’t kidding but like

hauntwon: i’m gonna need your help to eat that candy i buy

 

yooblin: i have so little faith in hyungwon as a lawyer for some reason

 

hauntwon: fuck you

hauntwon: if i’m gonna be in school for my entire life i’m not gonna let gremlins insult me while i’m at it 

hauntwon: that lady threw that coffee at you because she knew you were gonna be talkin shit in the groupchat later

 

sugar dongsaeng: that lady was me

 

spooky minhyuk: that lady was all of us

 

yooblin: oh shut up you’re gonna fall asleep in the middle of the hearing 

yooblin: you’re gonna wake up to the sound of the gavel and be like fuck i’ve made a great mistake

 

hauntwon: listen here kihyun nothing wakes me up faster than the knowledge that i’m gonna be so deep in debt i could fucking swim in it

hauntwon: my eyes are gonna be so wide open during the court hearing the judge is gonna rule in my client’s favor out of pure fucking fear

 

booheon: shit hyung

 

yooblin: i take it back i see potential

yooblin: i’m proud of you

 

hauntwon: that’s goddamn right you are

 

festive booze: that was...so hot

festive booze: i think i’m ready to give papa some sugar now

 

booheon: AKJFSKAF

 

spooky minhyuk: LMFAO

 

yooblin: WE ARE NOT 

yooblin: i repeat NOT

yooblin: GOING TO MAKE THAT A THING

 

hauntwon: hoseok WHY 

hauntwon: take it back

 

festive booze: as a lawyer shouldn’t you be glad i’m telling the truth

festive booze: and not lying under oath

festive booze: habeus corpus

 

hauntwon: now you’re just saying random words you’ve heard on court shows

 

festive booze: that is so not true

festive booze: rigor mortis

 

hauntwon: hoseok 

 

yooblin: that’s science you fucking baboon 

 

festive booze: BABOON

 

sugar dongsaeng: when you’re all out of insults because you already cursed out a jackass at starbucks using every single one you knew

 

yooblin: i still stand by what i said in fact i like it i’m gonna use it more often

 

festive booze: can’t say i ever expected to be called that

 

yooblin: hoseok do you even know what rigor mortis is

 

festive booze: it’s that show with the old man scientist guy and the kid with brown hair

 

spooky minhyuk: that’s rick and morty i’m honestly about to cry

 

yooblin: NO it’s when someone dies and their muscles tense up in the position they were in when the person died i’m so tired of this shit

yooblin: i gotta say i’ve had the weirdest fucking week and my grip on reality is so so weak i’m not even sure what year it is all i need is one more thing and i’m just gonna lose my mind 

 

booheon: i really believe him and that SCARES me 

booheon: do you all know how scary kihyun hyung is when he knows exactly where his mind is

booheon: NOW IMAGINE IF HE LOSES IT 

 

spooky minhyuk: i can hear jooheon’s fearful screaming and i’m not even with him

 

sugar dongsaeng: well i am and my ears are going to bleed if he yells one more time

sugar dongsaeng: he just grabbed my shirt so hard he ripped it a little 

sugar dongsaeng: oh yeah sacrifice the maknae assholes it’s not like you need him anyway

 

yooblin: changkyun ah i brought you into this world and i can take you right out

 

sugar dongsaeng: see i know that’s not true but why am i so fucking scared

 

festive booze: my hair feels soo soft i got this new shampoo and it was so worth the money

 

booheon: hey hyung

booheon: not to be disrespectful

booheon: but have you even fuckin been here we’re all fearing for our lives 

booheon: how can you be so blissfully unaware

 

festive booze: kihyunnie won’t hurt me i’ve known him for so long

festive booze: he has a soft spot for me 

 

yooblin: you...shut your cute little bunny mouth..

 

spooky minhyuk: this is so horrifying 

spooky minhyuk: it’s true

 

festive booze: :D

 

hauntwon: why are you all so afraid

hauntwon: hyunwoo hyung would protect us anyway

 

hyunwoo: guess again i’m not getting in his way

 

hauntwon: well FUCK 

 

sugar dongsaeng: curve level: shownu

 

festive booze: pacifists unite

 

hauntwon: i just realizied how funny it is that pacifists has the word ‘fists’ in it

 

booheon: OMG 

 

hauntwon: like congratulations einstein you won’t be using those

 

festive booze: my smart lawyer bf

 

spooky minhyuk: i can’t believe hyungwon became a papa, got broken up with, got back together with his bf, and became a lawyer all in the past like forty minutes 

 

festive booze: i mean hey time flies when you’re having fun 

festive booze: oh wait i have another one

festive booze: possession is 4/10 of the law

festive booze: i know i fucked that one up you don’t have to tell me 

 

spooky minhyuk: it’s the math it’s a killer 

 

festive booze: my weakness :(

 

hauntwon: i was washing my hands in the bathroom earlier and hoseok just came up behind me and went

hauntwon:  _ brown v. board of education _

 

spooky minhyuk: is this dirty talk now

 

hauntwon: he did whisper it in a rather sultry manner

 

booheon: what even is that

 

hauntwon: a famous court case in the u.s. i guess he looked it up lmao

 

spooky minhyuk: that’s so cute though he wants to support you and learn about your interests aww

 

hauntwon: he’s my biggest interest <3

 

festive booze: AWW <33

 

yooblin: you know everyone can see you being a lovesick fool right

 

hauntwon: shit 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please check out my new hyungwonho vampire!au fic https://archiveofourown.org/works/12504264/chapters/28468576 :*


	11. sneepthorple

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you've been enjoying this fic please consider checking out my new vampire au fic "boy, this love is supernatural" https://archiveofourown.org/works/12504264/chapters/28468576
> 
> thank you all so much for the lovely comments i've received!! i'm so happy i could make you smile even just once and i hope i can continue to bring you happiness!

spooky minhyuk: omg i’m in the cafeteria

spooky minhyuk: and this kid just literally slipped on a banana peel i can’t believe it

spooky minhyuk: even he’s laughing like i didn’t even know that could happen in real life

spooky minhyuk: i’m laughing my ass off

spooky minhyuk: if i keep laughing like this there won’t be much ass left

 

yooblin: and you’re already starting off with so little

 

booheon: AKJAFSKF

 

spooky minhyuk: KEEP TALKING FUCKER 

spooky minhyuk: see how that goes for you

 

booheon: not to start anything but if there’s an actual fist fight all my money is on kihyun

booheon: he’ll go for the ankles

 

hauntwon: hoseok and i are in a cafe 

hauntwon: and he read kihyun’s reply and literally gasped and covered his mouth

hauntwon: that’s the level of savagery we all just witnessed

 

sugar dongsaeng: i’m also in this cafe and i can confirm he hasn’t moved he’s in shock

 

hauntwon: excuse me you’re fucking what now

 

sugar dongsaeng: i’m not fucking anything i’m in a cafe?? don’t be nasty hyung

 

hauntwon: i hate you

hauntwon: no i mean wtf how long have you been here

 

sugar dongsaeng: like forty minutes so don’t accuse me of stalking you guys i was here first

sugar dongsaeng: honestly you’re stalking me

 

hauntwon: HOW i just found out you’re here come say hi you asshole

 

sugar dongsaeng: how incredibly inviting

 

festive booze: i’m literally about to start sobbing into this mug that takedown was too good

 

spooky minhyuk: IT WAS LIKE TEN FUCKIN MINUTES AGO

 

festive booze: don’t act like you’re not still thinking about it minhyuk i know you

festive booze: when you go home you’re gonna be in your room trying to look at your little ass in the mirror

 

spooky minhyuk: it’s not little :(

 

booheon: i can hear him sniffle from here

 

festive booze: that’s okay not everyone can be as thicc as me and changkyun

 

yooblin: changkyun and i

 

hauntwon: shut up nerd 

 

sugar dongsaeng: what do you mean “me and changkyun” i’m not thicc

 

festive booze: oh honey

 

spooky minhyuk: oh honey

 

sugar dongsaeng: WHAT

 

hyunwoo: gonna have to agree with hoseok and minhyuk here changkyun-ah

 

sugar dongsaeng: i’m living in a nightmare

 

festive booze: embrace it changkyun-ah

 

hauntwon: yeah i have

 

yooblin: wow 

 

booheon: kinda off topic kinda not but the combined attractiveness of hyungwon hyung and hoseok hyung as a couple actually pisses me off sometimes 

booheon: i had a dream they were in a photoshoot together like for a magazine and i woke up mad 

 

hauntwon: omg

hauntwon: now probably isn’t the best time to tell you that i model on the side

 

festive booze: i don’t know how to feel should i be happy

 

spooky minhyuk: wow hoseok’s self confidence is just off the charts today isn’t it

 

festive booze: isn’t that good you always tell me to believe in myself

 

spooky minhyuk: yes baby ://

 

festive booze: why the ://

 

spooky minhyuk: i wanna be thicc too

 

hauntwon: it’ll never happen for us but it’s okay we are also beautiful

 

booheon: aw i love this burst of body positivity

booheon: like yeah my tummy’s a little squishy but i’m cute

 

spooky minhyuk: what do you mean BUT

spooky minhyuk: you’re cute AND squishy i wish you were here so i could kiss ur tummy all over

 

sugar dongsaeng: he’s blushing

 

hauntwon: IS JOOHEON IN THE CAFE TOO 

 

sugar dongsaeng: no omg jesus i just know him that well

 

booheon: aw hyung,, sto p it…,,

 

hauntwon: aw he is

 

festive booze: hugging jooheon on dumpling night was one of the best times of my life

festive booze: i’d let him charge me twenty bucks to hug him

 

booheon: can that be my job

booheon: can you sell love and affection

 

spooky minhyuk: hell yeah you can 

 

yooblin: no minhyuk we’ve talked about this

 

spooky minhyuk: you bring up being a camboy one time and he never lets you forget it

 

yooblin: you’re not even easygoing enough to do that as a career you didn’t even want your grandma to add you on facebook

 

spooky minhyuk: hey that’s different my grandma doesn’t need to see what i’m up to

 

yooblin: oh but random people on the internet do

 

spooky minhyuk: yeah if they’re paying me that guap

 

hauntwon: get him out of my sight

 

festive booze: i’m gonna be sick

 

spooky minhyuk: hey does anyone wanna be in a hannah montana cover band

 

sugar dongsaeng: HE’S SHAMELESS

 

yooblin: are you on fucking crack

 

booheon: yeah wtf hyung that wouldn’t even work there’s only one member of the band

booheon: it’s hannah montana

 

hauntwon: i love how THAT’S the problem jooheon has with it

 

spooky minhyuk: that’s not true dirtbag there’s the instrument players that make the whole thing possible

spooky minhyuk: it’s not just hannah montana singing acapella into a microphone

spooky minhyuk: there’s actual music back there

 

booheon: either way i’m not gonna be in a band just so only the vocalist can get famous while i get paid dust and get zero recognition

 

festive booze: damn too real

 

spooky minhyuk: but you get exposure

 

yooblin: oh fuck off

 

hauntwon: found the art student

 

booheon: can i come to that cafe too i’m lonely

 

festive booze: we were about to leave because our drinks are gone but like

festive booze: fuck it come on down

 

sugar dongsaeng: another round on me

sugar dongsaeng: i chug my hot chocolate out of a shot glass

sugar dongsaeng: fuck 

sugar dongsaeng: my tongue

 

yooblin: that was a ride

 

spooky minhyuk: it’s like i was there

 

hyunwoo: why are there shot glasses in a cafe

 

spooky minhyuk: bc some of us like to have a good time

spooky minhyuk: i’m kidding no hyung changkyun is just being himself again

 

hyunwoo: oh okay i was gonna say

hyunwoo: like do people do shots of espresso

 

festive booze: i just gasped so hard my throat is raw

 

spooky minhyuk: WAIT YOU’RE RIGHT THEY DO

spooky minhyuk: there are shot glasses in the cafe

 

hauntwon: oh my god that’s so fucking efficient 

hauntwon: me on our next night out

 

yooblin: i don’t think taking shots of a stimulant is good for your body

 

hauntwon: neither is drinking moldy potato juice none of us are saints

 

booheon: you what now

 

hauntwon: it’s vodka dude

 

booheon: bye i’m never drinking again

booheon: it’s like an episode of how it’s made i ever wanted to watch

 

sugar dongsaeng: fuck i loved that show as a kid i just [clenches fist] loved how stuff was made

 

yooblin: i feel like if i smoked enough weed changkyun would be hilarious

 

booheon: i don’t smoke weed and he’s hilarious

 

yooblin: ...debatable

 

booheon: no offense hyung but do you know how fucking illegal weed is here

booheon: not worth the recreational use

 

spooky minhyuk: why do we live in a world where we can drink rotten potato juice but not smoke natural plants

 

sugar dongsaeng: i ask myself that everyday

 

yooblin: you shut up 

 

hauntwon: oh great one day minhyuk is gonna be in court

hauntwon: again

hauntwon: and he’s gonna get himself put in jail until 3002 because they’re gonna be like “do you smoke”

hauntwon: and he’s gonna go “smoke what?”

 

festive booze: but you’re still gonna testify in his defense aren’t you

 

hauntwon: oh hell yeah

 

spooky minhyuk: this is a self roast but like imagine my voice if i smoked

 

sugar dongsaeng: this sounds like one of those horrible “this is your brain on drugs” signs

sugar dongsaeng: or like those things against pirating movies

 

booheon: “you wouldn’t download bacon”

booheon: oh fucking hell yeah i would 

 

festive booze: “you wouldn’t download a car”

festive booze: catch me in my new maserati ksajfsf

 

yooblin: i’m laughing but i’m not happy about it 

yooblin: like you guys please

 

festive booze: aw your voice would be so hot and gravely 

festive booze: you’d whisper something in my ear and i’d shiver

festive booze: i’d be like ooh was that a pebble

 

booheon: what

booheon: GRAVELY 

booheon: i just threw my phone on hte ground i’m so glad it didn’t crack i’m so sorry baby never again

 

hauntwon: he’s talking to his phone not us

 

yooblin: he finally made it to the cafe i see 

 

festive booze: ugh my back hurts

 

hyunwoo: do you want me to rub it for you

 

festive booze: aw hey hyung i thought you were busy

 

hyunwoo: nah i’ve been here 

hyunwoo: enjoying the chaos from afar

hyunwoo: is that a yes

 

festive booze: aw yes please 

 

spooky minhyuk: gotta love those big lumberjack hands

spooky minhyuk: dinner plate hands

spooky minhyuk: hold a whole iphone six plus in one hand hands

 

yooblin: we get it

 

spooky minhyuk: do you all wanna hang out tonight i mean four of you are already together

spooky minhyuk: hyunwoo is gonna rub hoseok’s back

spooky minhyuk: it’s like destiny all that’s missing is yooblin

 

yooblin: i know this might alarm you but yooblin isn’t my real actual name

 

spooky minhyuk: then why does it say that on your driver’s license

 

yooblin: it doesn’t??

 

spooky minhyuk: oh?

 

yooblin: yeah wtf why would it

yooblin: YOU FUCKER

 

spooky minhyuk: there it is

 

yooblin: WHY WOULD YOU WRITE OVER MY REAL NAME ON MY LICENSE

 

spooky minhyuk: lmao wipe at it real quick

 

yooblin: okay it came off but you’re on thin fucking ice pal

 

spooky minhyuk: aw he called me pal he loves me

 

yooblin: well duh you goofy idiot

 

spooky minhyuk: aw i love you too kihyunnie

 

yooblin: NOW he remembers my name

 

festive booze: wow imagine if aliens like got access to this groupchat

 

yooblin: this is already a lot

 

festive booze: and then they were all excited to like finally see what humans are like

festive booze: and they scroll through and they just have their heads in their hands or their zglornzhoops or whatever 

 

booheon: ZGLORNZHOOPS OASJKSJF

 

festive booze: and they’re like humans are so fucked up we’re never going to earth and like

festive booze: we made the aliens sad guys we fucking ruined earth for the aliens we ruined everything

 

sugar dongsaeng: hold on i need a minute to calm down jooheon tried to say zglornzhoops out loud i need my inhaler

 

hyunwoo: Young Man Found Dead After Zglornzhoops Induced Asthma Attack

 

booheon: IF I SAW THAT HEADLINE I’D SHIT MYSELF

 

hauntwon: i just wheezed so hard in this cafe the barista is literally glaring at me

 

yooblin: that barista is ME 

yooblin: you’re gonna get sued by aliens for slander

 

hauntwon: well what the fuck am i becoming a lawyer for if not to be involved in alien lawsuits

 

yooblin: don’t let hoseok have any more coffee what if he invents more words for alien body parts

 

sugar dongsaeng: you’re too late he just said “sneepthorple” and i spit coffee all over this poor guy

 

booheon: THE POOR GUY WAS ME

 

yooblin: frankly i’m just happy someone is soaked with coffee and it’s not me

 

spooky minhyuk: what’s the sneepthorple

 

festive booze: a leg

festive booze: more specifically the thigh

 

spooky minhyuk: omg now i can flirt with aliens

spooky minhyuk: baby i wanna put my zglornzhoop on your sneepthorple

 

hyunwoo: minhyuk don’t be a pervert

 

booheon: i hate that i know what that means

booheon: omg what

 

yooblin: what happened

 

hauntwon: we got kicked out of the cafe

 

yooblin: why omg

 

sugar dongsaeng: spraying hot coffee out of your nose hurts so fucking bad dude i don’t think i have nose hair  anymore

 

booheon: life hack

 

yooblin: okay wish i didn’t ask

 

booheon: hyung you know nothing good ever comes of asking why don’t you learn

booheon: like this is us you’re talking to

 

yooblin: wow good point

  
  
  



	12. final boss of headaches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> minhyuk has a halloween party and hangovers Suck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmfao i wrote this two nights ago and then opened it today like "what the fuck does this mean"
> 
> anyways there's drinking and they mention vomiting in this chapter it's not graphic at all they just mention it happening but if that bothers u skip this one! the next one will be vomit free that's the guarantee hope yall had a good halloween and happy minhyuk day!!
> 
> wow i can't believe these halloween themed usernames are gonna be gone...

spooky minhyuk: happy halloween bitches

 

yooblin: that could’ve been a bit politer but yeah

 

spooky minhyuk: are you ready to get spooky with mister spooky minhyuk himself

 

yooblin: i’ll kill you in real life minhyuk

 

spooky minhyuk: mmm how sexy

spooky minhyuk: i have chills

 

yooblin: ugh

 

booheon: hey where are hyungwon hyung and hoseok hyung

 

sugar dongsaeng: well you see

 

spooky minhyuk: they’re hiding from me

 

sugar dongsaeng: wow hyung subtle

 

yooblin: oh god 

yooblin: what’d you do

 

spooky minhyuk: i don’t appreciate this unfounded accusation

 

sugar dongsaeng: but hyung it was your fault

 

spooky minhyuk: well YEAH but he didn’t know that

spooky minhyuk: like he just assumed i’m hurt

 

sugar dongsaeng: well kihyun hyung

sugar dongsaeng: he walked in on them making out

 

yooblin: where were they making out that he could’ve possibly walked in on them

 

sugar dongsaeng: that’s the thing they were doing it in the privacy of hyungwon’s apartment

sugar dongsaeng: but minhyuk

sugar dongsaeng: has a key apparently

 

yooblin: oh no

 

booheon: HYUNG 

 

spooky minhyuk: WHAT so i had a copy made

spooky minhyuk: what if there was an emergency

 

sugar dongsaeng: but you didn’t use it for an emergency

sugar dongsaeng: you just forgot your scarf there and wanted to pick it up

sugar dongsaeng: and you didn’t let anyone know beforehand

 

yooblin: how didn’t they hear you opening the door

 

booheon: they were making out hyung

 

yooblin: okay true 

 

booheon: what’d they do when you came in omg

 

spooky minhyuk: scream

spooky minhyuk: i expected that much from hoseok once i realized what i walked in on but like

spooky minhyuk: hyungwon has PIPES 

spooky minhyuk: who the fuck knew

 

yooblin: everyone but you omg he literally sings

 

spooky minhyuk: what the fcuk he dances

spooky minhyuk: he sings

spooky minhyuk: he models sometimes

spooky minhyuk: he’s gonna be a fucking LAWYER

spooky minhyuk: you know what i do

spooky minhyuk: i play video games

spooky minhyuk: and sometimes i check the parts of the vending machine where change comes out to see if anyone left anything in there

spooky minhyuk: on a good day i find a quarter

 

booheon: wow the real horrors of this holiday aren’t the costumes or the monsters at all

booheon: it’s the people 

 

yooblin: stop minhyuk you’re scaring the baby

 

hyunwooween: what baby

 

yooblin: jooheon

 

sugar dongsaeng: i miss the hyungs i’m gonna track them down and make them come back to us

sugar dongsaeng: we can’t have halloween without hauntwon and festive booze hyung

 

yooblin: don’t call him festive booze hyung omg

 

sugar dongsaeng: just trying to respect my elders 

 

yooblin: one day i’m gonna shave your head bald 

 

hauntwon: why are there so many notifications already jesus 

 

booheon: hyung!! happy halloween

 

hauntwon: aw happy halloween to you too jooheonie

 

yooblin: wow i didn’t think you’d come back so soon after minhyuk like

 

hauntwon: STOP RIGHT THERE

hauntwon: we’re not talking about it

hauntwon: ever

 

yooblin: just this once

yooblin: i’ll honor that 

 

hauntwon: thank you there are some small mercies after all

 

booheon: aw kihyun hyung after today you’re not gonna be yooblin anymore :(

 

yooblin: why is that

 

booheon: bc they were halloween themed names...and halloween will be over

 

yooblin: oh jooheonie how precious

yooblin: halloween never ends

yooblin: i may change my name on here but i will be yooblin until i die

 

booheon: i’m relieved for some reason

 

spooky minhyuk: ‘sup hyungwon

 

hauntwon: please don’t do this

 

spooky minhyuk: i’m just greeting you

 

hauntwon: i know and look what happened last time you did that

 

spooky minhyuk: look i’m sorry i just wanted my scarf it’s not like i saw you guys fucking or anything

 

hauntwon: and thank fucking god for that i’d literally have to move to a new country

hauntwon: also just don’t break into my apartment again

 

spooky minhyuk: it wasn’t breaking in i had a key!!

 

booheon: why would you have to move hyung like yeah it’s embarrassing but it’s not like

booheon: idk it’s not life ending

 

hauntwon: it is for me

 

sugar dongsaeng: this is weird we have like confirmed in-friend-group sex going on i feel funny

 

booheon: funny like how

 

sugar dongsaeng: idk...we were once all bros...now it’s Different

 

booheon: aw :(( but it’s not a bad different

 

sugar dongsaeng: no that’s exactly it like it feels the same?? but different at the same time 

sugar dongsaeng: idk ignore me i just got like slapped in the face with reality

 

hauntwon: can we stop thinking about, referring to, and talking about  me and hoseok having sex please before i really do move

 

yooblin: yeah right where are you going to move you only know korean

 

hauntwon: idk china? australia?

 

sugar dongsaeng: those are so different and yet he just

sugar dongsaeng: lumped them in together

 

hauntwon: well i know some chinese and like

hauntwon: i almost did foreign exchange in high school to australia isn’t that fuckin wild

hauntwon: imagine me going around saying shit in english with an australian accent

hauntwon: sittin poolside with some kangas

 

booheon: KANGAS i spit out my drink

 

sugar dongsaeng: kangas??

sugar dongsaeng: KANGAROOS

sugar dongsaeng: HYUNG NO

 

booheon: may i just say

booheon: the biggest disappointment in my life is how changkyun like

 

sugar dongsaeng: wow thanks hyung

 

booheon: NO I WASN’T FINISHED AND YOU KNOW THAT

booheon: learned english from living in boston and doesn’t have a boston accent

booheon: that’d be so funny we got cheated

 

sugar dongsaeng: wtf i’m not some kind of entertainment for parties

 

booheon: well no not without that boston accent you’re not

 

yooblin: jooheon you hang out with minhyuk too much

 

booheon: no he hangs out with me :(( he literally traps me in his arms and holds me there for hours

 

spooky minhyuk: guilty as charged! i’ve comitted a crime and that crime is snuggling!!

 

yooblin: wow i’m glad he’s so remorseful

 

spooky minhyuk: anyways is everyone coming to my halloween party

spooky minhyuk: you kind of have to but i’m asking to be polite

 

booheon: wow that’s just like when my mom asks if i’ll take out the trash

booheon: she’s rly just telling me to do it

 

sugar dongsaeng: yeah i am hyung but i have to like leave before it gets too late like take a taxi

 

spooky minhyuk: aw okay 

 

booheon: yeah me too hyung kihyun hyung also needs to get home earlier we have tests

 

spooky minhyuk: that fuckin sucks?? why can’t teachers respect the very sacred holiday that halloween is 

 

hauntwon: idk probably bc it’s actually not sacred at all and they know we celebrate by getting fucked up which, like

hauntwon: guilty as charged

hauntwon: but still

 

spooky minhyuk: so you’re coming?

spooky minhyuk: and hoseok?

 

hauntwon: yeah he’s coming too he’s taking a pre party nap

 

booheon: that’s genius

 

hauntwon: i know i’m so proud of him but i’m more proud of myself

hauntwon: because he asked me if i wanted to take my second nap of the day and i said no

hauntwon: i drew a line

 

hyunwoo: wow i’m proud of you too honestly that’s a lot for you

 

hauntwon: right? i love you hyung

 

spooky minhyuk: okay so it’s settled party at my house

spooky minhyuk: do i have Substantial liquor? yes but if you for whatever reason feel the gnawing clawing urge to maybe pick some more up on the way….it would not be how do i put this...frowned upon at all

 

booheon: he’s doing it again

 

hauntwon: so i have to buy some booze? noted

 

spooky minhyuk: glad we’re on the same page

  
  
  
  


booheon: so THAT was a halloween party 

 

sugar dongsaeng: damn right

 

yooblin: changkyun what the fuck was your costume even supposed to be

 

sugar dongsaeng: the collective student debt

 

yooblin: but you didn’t even like wear anything

yooblin: you were just in your normal clothes

 

sugar dongsaeng: exactly i was wearing what i have already

sugar dongsaeng: because i can’t afford anything else

sugar dongsaeng: because i owe money out the ass

 

yooblin: you can’t be a fucking CONCEPT for halloween

 

sugar dongsaeng: that’s funny? bc i can and i was

 

booheon: idk i thought it was pretty scary

 

yooblin: a bagel popping out of the toaster scares you

 

booheon: YEAH IT DOES 

booheon: it’s circular bread shooting out of a hot metal contraption 

booheon: i could die and it’d be because of a fucking bagel

 

sugar dongsaeng: we call 119 and they’re like staring at your circular burn mark

sugar dongsaeng: i pick up an everything bagel from the floor

sugar dongsaeng: i know what happened here officer 

sugar dongsaeng: i know all too well

 

yooblin: oh my god enough where is everyone

 

booheon: hungover outta their fuckin skulls LMAOO

 

yooblin: jesus i tell everyone to drink water but they don’t listen

 

booheon: right i tried to drink a glass of water and minhyuk hyung almost slapped it outta my hands

booheon: he said it’d fuck up my “mojo”

booheon: i had to take it in the bathroom and chug it 

 

yooblin: i expect the worst from minhyuk every time without fail but like hyunwoo hyung?

yooblin: i had some faith

 

sugar dongsaeng: big mistake 

 

yooblin: why aren’t you hungover you’re usually a lightweight 

 

sugar dongsaeng: because i can’t afford to miss class

 

yooblin: wow touche

 

sugar dongsaeng: yeah in true evil fashion halloween came on a fuckin weekday this year so

 

booheon: i know omg i was havin the spooky time of my life and then got smacked in the face by the realization that it’s still like...the middle of the week 

 

yooblin: the scariest realization of all

 

spooky minhyuk: ohhh my fucking god there’s people trying ot  SLEEP in here and you all won’t shut the fuc kup

 

yooblin: wow jooheon you were right hangovers abound

yooblin: JUST BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T DRINK WATER

 

spooky minhyuk: i DO NOT wnat to hear it my birthday is in like two days

spooky minhyuk: you should be cherishing me

 

yooblin: you should’ve cherished yourself

yooblin: and had some goddamn water

 

spooky minhyuk: i can’t stand you yoo kihyun

spooky minhyuk: you’re my arch nemesis 

 

yooblin: last night you told me you loved me

 

spooky minhyuk: i was drunk i probably thought you were like hoseok or something

 

booheon: wow

 

sugar dongsaeng: YIKES

 

yooblin: it’s fine he’s kidding 

yooblin: because if he’s not i’m going to his house and banging pots and pans

yooblin: and singing into his ears very loudly 

 

spooky minhyuk: you can’t there are innocent bystanders...bysleepers 

 

booheon: wow what the fuck man it is legit 2 pm like i know you guys have class

 

spooky minhyuk: nobody’s going to class today everyone got fucked up last night

spooky minhyuk: only losers would go

 

sugar dongsaeng: hey i’m going

 

spooky minhyuk: only losers would go

 

sugar dongsaeng: :( 

 

spooky minhyuk: i just itched my face and my hand came back red and i was like wow i’m dying it’s finally happening 

spooky minhyuk: and then i remembered it was fake blood from my vampire costume

spooky minhyuk: i’m literally still in my fuckin cape wow 

 

yooblin: you didn’t wash off your vampire makeup? 

yooblin: and you DARE to call yourself a skincare enthusiast

 

spooky minhyuk: oh whatever i’m yoo kihyun and i’m so responsible i can wash my face even when i can’t walk straight because i’m boring

 

yooblin: wow the hangover is really taking the creativity out of you

 

spooky minhyuk: i’ve thrown up like eleven times there’s none of my creativity left

spooky minhyuk: or my soul for that matter like minhyuk as you know him is dead i flushed him

 

booheon: NOOOOOOO

 

festive booze: my fucking head 

 

spooky minhyuk: how the hell are you texting i’m literally looking at you right now

spooky minhyuk: hyungwon is draped over you like a curtain how can you move

 

festive booze: it’s really really hard i won’t lie but i’m managing

 

yooblin: he’s not up yet? god it’s like i leave and everything falls apart

 

festive booze: no actually hyungwon is making pretty good time like this is early for him

festive booze: but that’s true like we need breakfast and no one here can make anything

 

spooky minhyuk: to be fair we were drinking until like 5 am

 

booheon: does wonders for the liver

 

yooblin: it’s closer to dinner time than breakfast you assholes

 

festive booze: like i said we need breakfast 

festive booze: i can’t stop thinking about hyunwoo demolishing those donut holes i’m so nauseous and impressed 

 

sugar dongsaeng: it was a family pack i almost called an ambulance 

 

yooblin: and what would the ambulance have done

 

sugar dongsaeng: the ambulance? nothing it’s a vehicle

sugar dongsaeng: the paramedics on the other hand

 

booheon: CHANGKYUN

 

yooblin: what would the paramedics have done asshole

 

sugar dongsaeng: idk take the box away

 

yooblin: you could’ve done that

 

sugar dongsaeng: yeah but i’m a coward

sugar dongsaeng: i don’t need hyungwoo hyung swinging at me

 

yooblin: wow

 

festive booze: we’re a chivalrous group of men indeed

festive booze: hold on i gotta stop texting for a second hyungwon is STIRRING

 

yooblin: good wake his ass up

 

festive booze: NO he has a hangover too i can sense it if his headache feels anything like mine i’m gonna keep him blissfully unconscious as long as i can

 

spooky minhyuk: wow that is true love

spooky minhyuk: i just got an email my professor canceled he’s like “my car broke down”

spooky minhyuk: bullshit my professor partied too bye

 

booheon: me as a professor 

 

festive booze: do you think there’s a way to like

festive booze: slip some tylenol in his mouth and make him drink some water and swallow them

festive booze: without him being awake for it

 

booheon: um

 

sugar dongsaeng: no lmao 

 

festive booze: thanks for the support i’m gonna try it

festive booze: omg he looks so cute asleep

festive booze: i hope he knows how much i love him

 

spooky minhyuk: omg he’s successfully moved hyungwon’s giant tree branch arm and sat up

spooky minhyuk: he’s got hyungwon sitting up

spooky minhyuk: he’s holding hyungwon’s mouth open he got the pills on his tongue LMAO

spooky minhyuk: here’s the hard part

spooky minhyuk: HE GOT WATER ALL OVER HIMSELF I’M CRYING

spooky minhyuk: OH GOD MY FUCKING HEAD

spooky minhyuk: somehow not a drop on hyungwon aksjfaks

spooky minhyuk: wow i think he did it

 

yooblin: HOW THE HELL

 

spooky minhyuk: NO idea but he’s layin hyungwon back down

spooky minhyuk: great now he has to borrow one of my shirts his muscles are gonna stretch it

 

festive booze: HE can read this and he’s gonna wear an oversized hoodie to avoid doing that 

festive booze: you heartless bastard

 

booheon: hangovers rly bring out the worst in everyone omg

 

spooky minhyuk: honestly the worst part of last night was when hyunwoo was like

spooky minhyuk: do you wanna kiss bob belcher

spooky minhyuk: because that’s what he went as

spooky minhyuk: and i did. i did kiss bob belcher.

 

sugar dongsaeng: why is that the worst part 

sugar dongsaeng: was the kiss gross

 

spooky minhyuk: no omg i’m just ashamed 

spooky minhyuk: bob is a married man after all

 

booheon: hyung omg hyunwoo hyung isn’t really bob

 

spooky minhyuk: he was last night

 

festive booze: he’s fucking crying asjkasfaf

festive booze: NO hyungwon is stirring again the medicine hasn’t kicked in yet

 

yooblin: the only time we hope he sleeps more 

 

festive booze: oh yup he’s sleeping again all right

festive booze: also snoring this time that’s new

 

sugar dongsaeng: sexy

 

festive booze: back off

 

sugar dongsaeng: LMAO i didn’t mean it

 

festive booze: me neither sorry this headache is

festive booze: it’s something

festive booze: it’s like the final boss of headaches

 

booheon: jesus kasjfksaf

 

festive booze: god my life is a fuckin disaster i just found a piece of candy corn in my hair

festive booze: i’m gonna cry i hate candy corn

 

sugar dongsaeng: is everyone there just. crying

 

spooky minhyuk: if i say yes will you judge us

 

sugar dongsaeng: i’m already judging you so i mean just be honest man

 

spooky minhyuk: Oh Well In That Case

 

festive booze: i love hyungwon so much my beautiful fuckin bamboo 

festive booze: my giant grasshopper boy

festive booze: my 9 ft tall stickbug

festive booze: i’d Die For Him

 

yooblin: okay fuck it i’m going to minhyuk’s they’re all gonna die if don’t restore order

yooblin: there’s no responsible adults there

 

booheon: they’re all adults asklfjasfk

 

yooblin: allegedly

 

festive booze: what does that even mean

 

spooky minhyuk: kihyun please don’t make hoseok hyung cry anymore i don’t think he’s hungover i think he’s still drunk

 

festive booze: good god the room is spinning

 

spooky minhyuk: exhibit a

 

hyunwooween: that can’t be true it’s been like 9 hours

 

spooky minhyuk: idk stranger things have happened and he’s sensitive

 

yooblin: hyung when did you change your username omg

 

hyunwooween: last night in the haze of alcohol and halloween fun

 

yooblin: so minhyuk made you do it

 

hyunwooween: yeah

 

spooky minhyuk: OOOH yes get into the spirit 

 

booheon: spirit?like a ghost? are you gonna be making these puns all day you sick fuck?

 

spooky minhyuk: maybe 

spooky minhyuk: i can do whatever i want my birthday is coming up 

 

sugar dongsaeng: you know that pisses me off

 

spooky minhyuk: what does omg

spooky minhyuk: my birthday?

spooky minhyuk: does my existence upset you all that much

 

sugar dongsaeng: NO

sugar dongsaeng: like

sugar dongsaeng: there shouldn’t be a w in hyunwoo hyung’s name like you don’t even pronounce it

sugar dongsaeng: who came up with this inaccurate romanization system

 

yooblin: this is such a nerdy thing to be mad about

 

spooky minhyuk: you got knocked too bitch your name is supposed to be written like gihyeon 

 

yooblin: now THAT’S what i call fucked up edition #38

 

spooky minhyuk: hello i am

spooy minhyuk: ee minhyeok 

 

booheon: i’m scared 

 

hauntwon: wow this is fucked my head feels like it’s cracked down the middle

 

spooky minhyuk: don’t worry the tylenol will kick in soon

 

hauntwon: excuse me

 

spooky minhyuk: hoseok gave it to you 

 

hauntwon: i remember swallowing pills but i thought it was a dream

 

spooky minhyuk: no it was very real he did a good job for a drunk person

 

hauntwon: he’s not drunk it’s been nine hours stop

hauntwon: wait did he drink more 

 

spooky minhyuk: nah just. trust me he’s drunk just wait

 

hauntwon: where is he :(

 

spooky minhyuk: in the bathroom crying

 

hauntwon: ABOUT WHAT

 

spooky minhyuk: scroll up bamboo boy

 

hauntwon: :(( 

hauntwon: wow the crying has switched to vomiting this is a very cursed morning

 

spooky minhyuk: it’s okay kihyun is on his way to take pity on our sad sad souls 

spooky minhyuk: we’re so pathetic he couldn’t even take it aren’t you proud

 

hauntwon: i can’t stop crying we finally made it 

hauntwon: when i was a kid i always wanted to be a disappointment 

hauntwon: and now i finally am one

 

sugar dongsaeng: what the fuck did you guys drink because i KNOW i didn’t have any of it

 

festive booze: thinking hurts my head can someone just put on spy kids 2 

 

spooky minhyuk: why’d you bring your phone to the bathroom

 

festive booze: i needed mood music i played crush’s beautiful from the goblin ost 

festive booze: i can’t tell if these tears are from dry heaving or just from the crying before that

 

hauntwon: wow we’re in the primes of our lives 

 

spooky minhyuk: OMG i just realized

 

booheon: what is it

 

spooky minhyuk: it’s christmas time now

 

yooblin: WHAT

yooblin: NO IT FUCKIN ISN’T

yooblin: MINHYUK

 

spooky minhyuk: SOMEONE PLAY SOME FUCKIN MARIAH CAREY IN THIS BITCH

 

yooblin: you fucking demon

yooblin: you didn’t even respect halloween enough to give it a whole day

 

spooky minhyuk: i celebrated halloween for a whole goddamn entire fucking month it’s CHRISTMAS now

  
  



	13. when u have a court hearing at 3 and a modeling gig at also 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry this chapter is so short i just wanted to give you something in the meantime while i work on a better chapter so i can make it up next time!

sugar dongsaeng: so i’ve been fucking crying laughing for like half an hour

sugar dongsaeng: because there’s this lawyer that posted this picture on twitter

sugar dongsaeng: and just like

sugar dongsaeng: this is fucking hyungwon

 

hauntwon: NO THE HELL IT IS NOT 

 

booheon: KJAFKJSFA

 

hauntwon: WHY

 

sugar dongsaeng: he really had someone get that shot of him walking in kasfjasf he’s modeling

 

booheon: FUCK

booheon: when you have a court case at 3:00 but a modeling session scheduled for the same time

 

hauntwon: shut up ;aslfkasf i hate you guys

 

sugar dongsaeng: WAIT IT GOT BETTER LOOK AT THESE TWEETS

tweet: bro if you’re my lawyer please don’t hit a fake candid look away pose for the gram before you enter the courtroom. this is my life.

tweet: you in court fighting for your freedom and your lawyer struts up in that muthafucka with his ankles out. boy you goin to jail.

 

hauntwon: I’M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS IASJFKASJF

 

booheon: AJFAKSJFOIASFHIOEHFIO AHFS FOR THE GRAM

 

hauntwon: THIS IS MY LIFE

 

sugar dongsaeng: i just wheezed so hard my throat hurts

 

hauntwon: where are you right now anyways omg

 

sugar dongsaeng: the school bathroom

sugar dongsaeng: OH FUCK I SHOUDL GET BACK TO CLASS IT’S BEEN 40 MINUTES

 

booheon: CLASS IS GONNA BE O VER

 

sugar dongsaeng: OH FUKC 

sugar dongsaeng: i regret nothing 

 

hauntwon: he bounced back so quickly

 

booheon: yeah he’s like that it’s like the existential dread washes right over him

 

hauntwon: changkyun i can’t stand you

 

sugar dongsaeng: WHAT WHY

 

hauntwon: you took a cab home from a party like you left early so you could go to class the next day which is like serious dedication

hauntwon: and now today you just fucked class away in the bathroom 

 

booheon: wow that phrasing..

booheon: don’t like That

 

hauntwon: what if you fail your next test because you were busy clowning me

 

booheon: It’s What He Deserves 

 

spooky minhyuk: THIS IS SO FUNNY CHANGKYUN YOU’RE A GENIUS

spooky minhyuk: omg so

 

booheon: uh oh this can’t be good 

 

spooky minhyuk: my birthday is coming up 

 

yooblin: FUCK he’s entered the birthday ring of immunity

yooblin: he’s untouchable

 

festive booze: more untouchable than usual you mean? we’re so fucked

festive booze: oh hang on

 

**festive booze** changed their name to  **hoseok**

 

hoseok: goodnight sweet prince…

 

booheon: no omg this is sad

 

**booheon** changed their name to  **jooheon**

 

**spooky minhyuk** changed their name to  **birthday minhyuk**

 

birthday minhyuk: not to worry boys...halloween is over but there’s another big holiday on the way

 

yooblin: you’re right my birthday is coming up this month

 

birthday minhyuk: not yours ya fuckin teaspoon

birthday minhyuk: MY birthday

 

**yooblin** changed their name to  **kihyun**

 

jooheon: that’s fucked i don’t even feel like your name is kihyun anymore 

jooheon: that’s so unsettling you ARE yooblin

jooheon: i don’t know this man he is a stranger to me

jooheon: am i dramatic?

 

birthday minhyuk: not at all

 

jooheon: okay good omg i was worried

 

sugar dongsaeng: i’m not even gonna bother

 

**hauntwon** changed their name to  **hyungwon**

 

hyungwon: i prayed this day would never come

 

hoseok: omg you and me both man

 

jooheon: every time he brozones hyungwon i just ksajfkasfj

 

hoseok: STOP it’s not intentional 

 

birthday minhyuk: BROZONE

 

hoseok: hyungwon we never should have made our relationship public look what happens

 

hyungwon: i know i get clowned enough without the couple jokes like just scroll up 

hyungwon: changkyun missed an entire class just to make fun of me i’m not even a real lawyer yet look how prepared he is 

 

sugar dongsaeng: there’s a hole in the brozone layer

 

hoseok: AKJFASKFJSF

 

kihyun: WOW

 

jooheon: wait but like i’m genuinely curious about something like

jooheon: what do you guys do for fun like on dates

 

hyungwon: well we got banned from the bowling alley so we can’t go there anymore

 

kihyun: what the fuck could you have possibly done

kihyun: to get banned from the bowling alley

kihyun: that place is a lawless land i went into the bathroom and there were no locks on the stalls

kihyun: and someone wrote “get fucked” on the inside of the door

 

birthday minhyuk: did yall fuck on the lanes

 

hyungwon: NO 

hyungwon: why is that your first assumption

hyungwon: hoseok was like

hyungwon: well first of all he’s really fucking bad at bowling so am i

hyungwon: but he had just eaten some of his nachos so his fingers were greasy and 

 

sugar dongsaeng: oh shit i know already

 

hyungwon: he picked up the ball anyway but like...slippery fingers

hyungwon: so he pulled back for the swing and it came right off 

hyungwon: and it like smashed really hard on the floor and RUINED it like planks sticking up and shit

hyungwon: nails flew everywhere

hyungwon: we could see the outside ground

 

jooheon: LMFAOO

 

hyungwon: so like bi privilege hoseok tried to flirt with the lady to not get us banned

hyungwon: he had my permission btw in fact i also flirted 

hyungwon: but all we managed was to not have to pay for repairs so like that’s fine by me

 

jooheon: THEY FLIRTED THEIR WAY OUT OF LIKE 300 DOLLARS

 

hoseok: that’s just human evolution for you

hoseok: the ones who could flirt survived

hoseok: and the ones who couldn’t...paid 300 dollars

 

hyungwon: i’m still sad though the bowling alley serves good nachos :(( 

 

hoseok: i know i miss laughing into ur neck after i hit 0 pins :((

 

kihyun: that’s very much not how evolution works

kihyun: but that visual is adorable :((

 

sugar dongsaeng: minhyuk hyung what do you want for your birthday

 

jooheon: what do you guys do for dates now then?

 

birthday minhyuk: nothing

birthday minhyuk: i’m just kidding well good thing you asked jooheonie i want YOU

 

jooheon: oh

 

kihyun: oh??

 

hoseok: OH

 

birthday minhyuk: i think there’s been a misunderstanding based on the amount of oh messages

birthday minhyuk: i want you to come over and snuggle me all day

birthday minhyuk: i will of course be taking the day off from class because it’s a holiday

birthday minhyuk: i want kihyun to bake me a vanilla cake

birthday minhyuk: and then i just want skincare products and candles

 

hyunwooween: okay i’ll go to bath and body works

hyunwooween: wait

 

**hyunwooween** changed their name to  **hyunwoo**

 

birthday minhyuk: so short lived

birthday minhyuk: but so worth it

 

hyunwoo: agreed i like to get a little festive sometimes

 

hyungwon: ooh hyung can i help you pick out candles for minhyuk 

 

hyunwoo: yes please i actually need the help lol

 

hyungwon: i figured lmao sounds like a plan 

 

hoseok: kihyunnie can i help you bake!!

 

kihyun: uh

 

hoseok: :)

 

kihyun: okay  <3

 

jooheon: wow hoseok reigns victorious

 

kihyun: have you ever tried to say no to him it’s so hard

kihyun: you have to do exactly what i say okay

 

hoseok: okay!! yay 

hoseok: i’ll listen i’ll be good

 

birthday minhyuk: you will? ;)

 

kihyun: NO

 

hyungwon: oh wait so jooheon to answer your question

hyungwon: it depends we usually just chill in my apartment sometimes we go to the movies 

 

hoseok: i try to have him come to the gym but he’s not interested

 

hyungwon: going to the gym isn’t a date aksjfasf also my body does Not build muscle

 

jooheon: aw that’s cute i see u gotta keep it cheap bc #studentlife

jooheon: okay hyung i can be your body pillow for just one day…

jooheon: bc it’s a special day <3

 

kihyun: yeah it’s a friday

 

birthday minhyuk: YAY you guys are the best

birthday minhyuk: i love you guys :) <33 

birthday minhyuk: even you kihyun

  
  
  



	14. case of rito

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyungwon works at taco bell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please,,, accept my humble offering sorry for the long wait i'll try to get back in the swing of things!! ironically what has been distracting me from mx fic...is mx
> 
> also did you all see that first win? best day of my life?

jooheon: so what’s the hot gossip ladies

 

kihyun: HYUNGWON WORKS AT TACO BELL NOW

 

jooheon: HE WHAT

 

sugar dongsaeng: i can confirm i went there last night and i pulled up to order

sugar dongsaeng: and he was like what do you want

sugar dongsaeng: and i was like i wanna die

sugar dongsaeng: and then he was like me the hell too

sugar dongsaeng: and i was like hyungwon hyung??

sugar dongsaeng: and he was like CHANGKYUNNIE??

sugar dongsaeng: and then he handed me an embarrassingly large order of tacos

sugar dongsaeng: and blew me a kiss

sugar dongsaeng: excellent service honestly

 

hoseok: IT JUST SO HAPPENS

hoseok: TO BE THE TACO BELL I CRIED AT 

 

jooheon: that’s so romantic it’s not just your taco bell anymore

jooheon: it’s y’all’s taco bell

 

hoseok: our love is like a burrito

 

jooheon: explain

 

hoseok: makes me happy

 

hyungwon: don’t even talk about burritos i’m nauseous i have a headache

 

kihyun: someone’s dramatic 

 

hyungwon: earlier someone asked for a ‘case of rito’ i almost picked up a handful of lettuce and threw it at her through her car window

 

hoseok: baby you JUST started working there try to keep the lettuce where it should be

 

hyungwon: see but you’re acting like that’s so easy to do

hyungwon: it’s not

hyungwon: SOMEONE ASKED ME

hyungwon: IF I COULD FILL UP A LARGE SIZED DRINK CUP WITH TACO MEAT

hyungwon: WITH BEEF

hyungwon: NO???

 

kihyun: i wouldn’t last a single day

 

hoseok: WHY WOULD THEY NEED THAT MUCH BEEF

 

hyungwon: i’m SO shook up about it still like what were they gonna do if i gave it to them

hyungwon: slurp it up through a straw? i wish i were dead

 

jooheon: they must have beef with someone

jooheon: not funny? okay 

 

hoseok: omg kihyunnie that’s right you’re on the lookout for a job

 

kihyun: UNFORTUNATELY

kihyun: first of all these jobs that are posted all SUCK

kihyun: like i’m so freakin glad i can get paid minimum wage to do all these things for a shift where i have to stand the entire time 

 

sugar dongsaeng: usually you get a little break like once a shift

 

kihyun: OH GOODIE

kihyun: the jobs are like ‘can you watch my kid bradley he’s a fuckin asshole but i have to work and no one else can watch him’

kihyun: like oh CAN I?

kihyun: will you LET me watch bradley

kihyun: will you give me the fuckin privilege

 

hoseok: actually kihyunnie? you’re great with kids

hoseok: you should babysit

 

hyungwon: BRADLEY?? i’m losing my mind

 

jooheon: stop that’s the 9th most popular korean baby name for boys

 

hyungwon: NO IT ISN’T ASJKSADF

 

kihyun: idk i’ll...consider it

 

minhyuk: no that’s actually perfect like

minhyuk: you’re good with kids, good at cleaning, cooking…

minhyuk: hey will you marry me

 

jooheon: omg

 

sugar dongsaeng: omg this is so sudden

 

hoseok: minhyuk i know you’re not proposing without a ring

 

kihyun: NO i won’t

 

hyunwoo: don’t you think you’re going a little overboard with the all caps today

 

kihyun: maybe but like if you were all here in person i’d be yelling so it’s the same thing

 

hyunwoo: understandable have a great day

 

hyungwon: yeah i’d rather this than get actually yelled at 

hyungwon: not after i spilled baja blast all down my apron

 

hoseok: you’ve worked there for literally two days

hoseok: how 

 

minhyuk: i’m offended if we were married we could like combine our incomes

minhyuk: and live like kings

 

sugar dongsaeng: the poorest kings in the world

 

kihyun: what income do you have

 

minhyuk: that’s not the point marriage is about love?? wtf

 

hoseok: at this point i’m like literally looking into stripping

 

hyungwon: uh

 

jooheon: uh oh is hyung gonna be mad

 

hyungwon: i support whatever you do to make money as long as it makes you happy and you feel comfortable doing so

 

jooheon: wow true love really does exist

 

hoseok: well like people aren’t supposed to touch strippers idk...and like i have dancing experience 

 

sugar dongsaeng: and abs

 

hoseok: okay i wasn’t gonna say it myself but

hoseok: well actually if i keep hitting up that taco bell that’s not gonna be true anymore lmfao

 

hyungwon: STOP you visit me every shift and get a frito burrito 

 

hoseok: they’re good what are you gonna do sue me 

hoseok: ;)

 

minhyuk: those award winning nipples of hoseok’s...they’ll bring in a crowd

 

hoseok: omg stop it with that we all have nipples minhyuk

 

minhyuk: yeah but like

minhyuk: you have Nipples

minhyuk: perpetually hard ones at that

 

hoseok: stop literally everyone in this groupchat has touched my nipples

 

sugar dongsaeng: rock hard confirmed

 

hoseok: shut up changkyunnie you’re the worst of them all

 

hyungwon: i should probably be like a little distraught that all my friends touch my boyfriend’s nips but like

hyungwon: at this point in life that’s just a given

 

minhyuk: NIPS 

 

hoseok: not you too

 

minhyuk: get them pierced

 

hoseok: no

hoseok: do you have nipple piercing money

 

minhyuk: i’m broke as fuck but for that?

minhyuk: i think i could figure something out

 

kihyun: you are NOT going to ask your mom for money to cover medical costs

 

minhyuk: …

 

hyungwon: WAS THAT YOUR PLAN

 

minhyuk: okay but aren’t piercings medical? like let’s use our brains here

 

jooheon: you know what

jooheon: no one ever thinks about the fact that lawyers have to start somewhere

jooheon: like you never see a lawyer and think like oh maybe you held down a part time job at taco bell when you were younger

jooheon: you never see a surgeon and you’re like

jooheon: did you work at applebee’s in your 20s

 

hyungwon: that’s bc they work very hard to act like that never happened 

hyungwon: i’m not in this bc i love the law bitch i’m here for that cash

 

sugar dongsaeng: omg

 

hyungwon: i’m kidding i’m in it because i find it very interesting and i hate when people who don’t have access to adequate resources get into trouble with the law when they’ve done nothing wrong and have been falsely accused

hyungwon: but i’m STILL trying to get that cash

 

jooheon: understandable and ADMIRABLE hyung you’re so cool wtf

 

hyungwon: don’t you dare call me cool

hyungwon: don’t you fucking dare

hyungwon: not when i just took a shower and lettuce came out when i washed my hair

 

hoseok: :(

 

minhyuk: i think we’ve reached the breaking point lads

minhyuk: no but seriously it’ll get easier you’re still new it’s a lot to process

minhyuk: but pretty soon

minhyuk: you’ll be folding burritos like a champion

 

sugar dongsaeng: you should do a tedtalk on this hyung omg

 

jooheon: right like i feel so inspired

jooheon: i’m like you’re right i WILL fold them like champion

jooheon: and like i’m unemployed in my room right now eating chips by the handful

 

hyunwoo: does anyone here go to class ever

 

sugar dongsaeng: oh hell yeah hyung i attend the Fuck out of class

 

hyunwoo: could’ve just said yes

 

kihyun: surprisingly we’re not failures

kihyun: not yet anyways

 

sugar dongsaeng: not so fuckin fast hyung i get a math test back tomorrow and let me tell you i’m shaking

 

kihyun: what kind of math

 

sugar dongsaeng: beats me

 

kihyun: ….changkyun

 

sugar dongsaeng: don’t

sugar dongsaeng: i know

 

minhyuk: stop one time we were halfway through the year this kid stands up and goes

minhyuk: are you telling me this isn’t european history

minhyuk: it was fucking chinese grammar class

 

jooheon: god if that’s not me

 

kihyun: did he

kihyun: did he not realize people around him were speaking chinese

 

hyunwoo: first of all that kid was me

hyunwoo: and second of all no

 

jooheon: HYUNG I JUST SCREAMED

 

hyunwoo: we all make mistakes

 

kihyun: HYUNG

kihyun: jesus christ 

 

sugar dongsaeng: yeah hyung like that one time you used icyhot instead of lube

 

jooheon: SHUT THE UF CK U P

jooheon: we don’t discuss that

 

minhyuk: i can’t believe something happened to jooheon’s dick that i don’t know about

 

jooheon: yeah well that’s how i prefer things

 

minhyuk: it’s not my fault i can read you like a book

 

kihyun: you fucking water sign 

 

minhyuk: you fuck off you’re water sign passing

 

hoseok: everyone’s favorite pisces says hi

 

minhyuk <3

 

hyungwon: yeah about that water sign intuition

hyungwon: i hate that

hyungwon: nobody should be able to tell i’m getting sick before i can

 

hoseok: i was just gettin a vibe

 

hyungwon: i know i’m still so uncomfortable

hyungwon: i was like sitting next to him

hyungwon: displaying ZERO cold symptoms

hyungwon: and he was like

hyungwon: are you coming down with something

hyungwon: what the fuck

 

hoseok: sometimes you just Know

hoseok: you know

 

hyungwon: no i don’t

 

minhyuk: that’s not bc he’s a water sign that’s bc he has the immune system of a newborn

 

hoseok: hey fuck off

 

minhyuk: i will when you prove to me what i said isn’t true

minhyuk: but until then health boy

 

kihyun: you’re wasting all your money on vitamins just to get a cold every month

 

hoseok: that’s so rude they’re an INVESTMENT 

hoseok: and colds are just rhinoviruses and there’s like a million of them so fuck you

hoseok: THAT’S WHY WE CAN’T CURE THE COMMON COLD KIHYUNNIE

hoseok: IT’S NOT JUST ONE THING

 

jooheon: WHAT

jooheon: WHAT THE FUCK

 

hyungwon: excuse me

 

hoseok: YEAH chew on that piece of knowledge  you assholes

 

kihyun: like you chew on your vitamins

 

hoseok: SHUT 

  
  



	15. burritoing and free drinkage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the store changkyun works at is fuckin haunted, hyungwon falls asleep with his face in a bowl of chinese food, and minhyuk gets into the holiday spirit...Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope ur all in the Holidays season mood i always think it feels so good this time of year!! also before i get questions abt this bc i know it's confusing - wonho's real name is lee hoseok like literally. minhyuk even said that in the recent lie v when they were all laying down and he was repeating their names randomly. i know it was confusing with the whole shin wonho thing but regardless of that i guess it's lee whether that's because he had it legally changed or otherwise. 
> 
> i hope you enjoy!! your comments on this make me so happy. stay warm and don't get sick!

hoseok: hello boys

hoseok: i’m messaging because someone who will not be named

hoseok: but who is my boyfriend

hoseok: has fallen asleep in his sesame chicken

 

minhyuk: skincare NIGHTMARE

minhyuk: i have chills

 

jooheon: damn he rly fell asleep eating chinese food? :/

 

hyunwoo: i’ve never been that tired in my life

 

minhyuk: LMFAO 

 

jooheon: big mood

jooheon: like i’ll be in bed with my eyes shut but if there’s chinese food involved?

jooheon: then i'm [katy perry voice] wide awake

 

sugar dongsaeng: STOP

 

kihyun: i’d be disappointed but like

kihyun: nothing about this surprises me

kihyun: are you gonna lift his face out of the food at least

 

hoseok: in a moment

hoseok: after i take a commemorative photo

hoseok: and then i’ll wipe his face with a warm wet rag

hoseok: kiss him on the cheek and put him to bed

 

jooheon: wtf i want a love like that

 

sugar dongsaeng: did you miss the commemorative photo bit

 

jooheon: i want someone to wipe my face lovingly when i fall asleep in chinese food :(

 

sugar dongsaeng: are you at least gonna send the pic of him face deep in sesame chicken

 

hoseok: later when he’s up so he can see it himself

 

sugar dongsaeng: sounds good i’m all for it

 

minhyuk: aw jooheonie i’d do that for you

 

hyunwoo: why is he so sleepy though

hyunwoo: like more so than usual

 

hoseok: well he’s not used to working and going to school at the same time

hoseok: i actually feel really bad that’s my baby :(( getting that cash

 

minhyuk: love is calling jooheon

minhyuk: pick up the phone

 

jooheon: no thanks i have caller id

 

sugar dongsaeng: DAMN

 

hoseok: brutal

 

minhyuk: :(( 

minhyuk: good thing i love that about you

 

sugar dongsaeng: oh no aw :(

 

kihyun: i’m a whole ass scorpio and that was still mean :/

 

minhyuk: SO YOU ADMIT IT

minhyuk: heartbreak WHOMST i’m healed

 

kihyun: yeah i reexamined my chart :// now i’m the one whose heart is broken

 

jooheon: hyung i didn’t mean it :(

 

minhyuk: i know heonie <33

 

jooheon: :D <3

 

hoseok: young love

hoseok: so beautiful

 

kihyun: stop you’re not even old 

 

hoseok: i so am

hoseok: respect your elders 

 

kihyun: you’re literally born in the same year as me

kihyun: i have to call you hyung because of a technicality and that’s the facts

 

minhyuk: damn ki you don’t have to kill him like that :/

 

hoseok: technicality or not i’m still your hyung so read it and weep motherfucker

 

sugar dongsaeng: the job searching has hardened you

 

hoseok: you apply to seven million jobs and get like one call back!

hoseok: do these people think i have nothing better to do!

hoseok: because they’re right! but i don’t want them to  _ know  _ that

hoseok: they don’t deserve the satisfaction

 

kihyun: you’re a dream and they’re fools not to hire you

kihyun: OR ME

kihyun: what the FUCK

 

hoseok: actually like i don’t blame them i don’t look good on paper

hoseok: i have the availability of, well, somebody in college

hoseok: no work experience

hoseok: etc

 

sugar dongsaeng: fucking mood i would say i don’t even know how i got my job

sugar dongsaeng: but i do it’s because there was no competition no one’s trying to work in this shithole 

sugar dongsaeng: we have rotten bananas for sale right now for ten cents a banan 

sugar dongsaeng: most owners would throw away old produce we just reduce the price

sugar dongsaeng: unless someone comes in urgently needing extremely ripe bananas for some banana bread we’re out of luck

 

jooheon: i'm sorry did you just

jooheon: did you just say "banan"

 

kihyun: ...i’m on my way to the store

 

sugar dongsaeng: NO 

 

kihyun: shut up i need to make banana bread sakfjaf i’m so serious right now 

 

sugar dongsaeng: omg

 

kihyun: see ya in ten 

 

minhyuk: i didn’t realize i was in a produce sales group

 

hyunwoo: is that what this is

 

minhyuk: hyung

minhyuk: no 

 

hyunwoo: oh okay i was like uhhhh

 

jooheon: damn i was looking to get a deal on some baby carrots

 

hoseok: oh i kno a great place

 

jooheon: i was kidding hyung but that's cute of you :(

 

minhyuk: HEALTH BOY

 

hoseok: LMFAO hyungwon is talking in his sleep and he just whispered

hoseok: cilantro

hoseok: it was so gentle and soft 

hoseok: like he was trying to soothe a crying child

 

jooheon: LMFAO 

 

minhyuk: [hyungwon voice] cilantro

 

jooheon: so hyung ur just chillin while he sleeps

 

hoseok: i mean yeah it’s like that sometimes 

hoseok: like i’ll have to get used to it if we ever move in together anyways

 

minhyuk: OH??

 

kihyun: move in???

 

jooheon: :D :D :D

 

hoseok: STOP IT 

hoseok: i’m just...talking 

hoseok: it’s not a Plan we’re both broke

 

minhyuk: all the more reason to move in together :))

 

hoseok: stop…

 

minhyuk: aw he’s embarrassed

minhyuk: that means we have to keep going 

 

jooheon: how domestic

jooheon: you and hyungwon hyung together

jooheon: just

jooheon: not ever fucking cleaning anything 

 

hoseok: FUCK 

 

minhyuk: KILL SHOT

 

kihyun: minhyuk i hate you jooheon spends too much time with you

kihyun: you’re rubbing off on him 

 

minhyuk: he says he hates me and i bully him but he just asked me if he could come over lmaoo

 

sugar dongsaeng: #exposed

 

hoseok: don’t do that to him askjfsaf poor jooheon

 

kihyun: he just roasted you why do you care

kihyun: he just sent you on a one way trip to hell

 

hoseok: jooheon’s my friend :^(

 

kihyun: i hate how good of a person you are sasfsdksjs

 

hoseok: that pisses me off like

hoseok: keysmashing is essential to every part of my life

hoseok: but my phone tries to autocorrect it

hoseok: why does my phone see this atrocious shamble of letters and just go

hoseok: yeah he was definitely trying to type ‘saxaphone’

hoseok: like fuck off

 

minhyuk: BIGGEST MOOD

minhyuk: eternal mood

 

jooheon: i guess minhyuk hyung isn’t that bad

jooheon: sometimes

 

minhyuk: can’t wait to snuggle baby honey!!

 

jooheon: HYUNG STOPP

jooheon: minhyuk hyung canceled

 

minhyuk: :( i bought us shrimp chips

 

jooheon: i didn’t say i wasn’t coming over

jooheon: i do love a good shrimp chip

 

minhyuk: do you all see how he plays with my heart

 

sugar dongsaeng: yeah but you like it

 

minhyuk: DAMN...that’s true

 

kihyun: these scorpio antics

 

minhyuk: you have no Right!

 

kihyun: i said what i said

 

hoseok: he has Awakened

hoseok: it’s photo time

hoseok: Image Sent

 

hyungwon: HOSEOK

hyungwon: WHY

hyungwon: did you push my face into that bowl just for this pic

hyungwon: like i won't be that mad because like...mood but 

 

hoseok: NO WTF

hoseok: you were chewing and your head just slowly

hoseok: lowered into the container

hoseok: and like how often does that happen 

hoseok: so i was like...photo op

hoseok: and then i wiped your face and put you in bed like the good and loving boyfriend i am

 

hyungwon: wow i have no recollection of ever eating sesame chicken

 

hoseok: well you hardly did you took like one bite and passed out

 

jooheon: dude lmao

jooheon: when’s your next shift

 

hyungwon: TOMORROW i wish i were dead

hyungwon: if you get a burrito you get a free drink 

hyungwon: my fucking hands are gonna fall off from burritoing and free drinkage

 

kihyun: neither of those are actual verbs

kihyun: but considering your rapidly deteriorating mental state?

kihyun: i’ll accept it

 

hyunwoo: i might come by

 

hyungwon: dammit i shouldn’t have said anything

hyungwon: it’s too good of a deal we’re gonna run out of everything

 

hyunwoo: then i gotta hustle i guess

hyunwoo: let hyung’s visit be a beacon of light upon you

 

minhyuk: it’s just funny bc the reality is that hyunwoo hyung is gonna pull up

minhyuk: hyungwon’s gonna peek his head out the window and ask if hyunwoo can kill him

minhyuk: and hyunwoo’s gonna take the bag and be like no can do and drive off

 

sugar dongsaeng: when ur psychic

 

hyungwon: stop that’s… that’s too real

 

kihyun: changkyun i’m gonna call the health department on that store you work at

kihyun: like that was actually hell i think 

kihyun: i’m not sure how i got out of there without like promising the owner my soul

kihyun: i’m pretty sure i got ferried across the river styx when i put my bananas on the conveyor belt to get rung up

kihyun: i think i’m haunted

 

sugar dongsaeng: i work here like 5 days a week and i’m not haunted yet so i think you’re fine

sugar dongsaeng: but i’ll pick up some holy water anyways

 

jooheon: “yet”

 

hyungwon: “pick up some holy water”

hyungwon: from where

 

sugar dongsaeng: i know a guy

 

hoseok: is

hoseok: is his name dongmin

 

sugar dongsaeng: YES

sugar dongsaeng: FUCK

 

kihyun: what the hell

kihyun: why do you both know this ominous man

 

hoseok: uhh you know how i was in high school

 

kihyun: say no more

 

hoseok: he was a bartender…

hoseok: might have kissed him for some free drinks

 

minhyuk: are you like legitimately not jealous at all

minhyuk: i have trouble believing that

minhyuk: that’s like human nature

 

hyungwon: not really bc like it was just for material gain and also?

hyungwon: he’s mine now :)

 

minhyuk: OOOH

 

jooheon: i have goosebumps 

 

minhyuk: he’s yours is he?

 

jooheon: are we going with lee hyungwon or chae hoseok at the wedding

 

hyungwon: okay well step 1 is gay marriage needs to be approved 

 

jooheon: okay but like after that

 

kihyun: THEY DIDN’T DENY A WEDDING

 

hyungwon: idk lee hyungwon sounds incredibly weird like not even just because chae has always been my last name like it just

hyungwon: sounds wrong

 

hoseok: i’m kinda feeling the chae hoseok thing it like fits somehow imo

hoseok: idk 

 

minhyuk: but you’re lee line with me and jooheon :’(

 

hoseok: once a lee always a lee, baby :’(

 

minhyuk: i’ll light a candle in your honor

 

hoseok: i’m getting married not dying wtf

 

jooheon: YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED??

 

hoseok: STOP IT YOU SOUND LIKE MY MOM

hoseok: STOP PRESSURING ME 

 

hyunwoo: yeah guys cut it out

 

hoseok: thank you hyunwoo

 

hyunwoo: so

hyunwoo: who’s gonna be the best man

 

jooheon:  KFJSALFJAKF

 

hoseok: BETRAYAL

 

sugar dongsaeng: i just laughed so hard i hit ym haed on the cash register

sugar dongsaeng: we don’t get health benefits if i’m have a concussion i’m screwde 

 

hoseok: i just hit my head too but it was on my nightstand and it was for a different reason

 

kihyun: um

 

hoseok: why is everyone in this groupchat so dirtily minded like maybe i was reaching to get my wallet and i slipped or something 

 

minhyuk: but that’s not what happened 

 

hoseok: no it’s not so like hyungwon went in to kiss me but like have you ever been headbutted by a cat

hoseok: that’s basically what happened he like straight up missed my mouth and knocked me back lmao

hoseok: there’s no excuse dude you had a nap

 

jooheon: lmao

 

hyungwon: i know i already apologized 

hyungwon: i have a big head or something i guess

 

hoseok: no just bad aim

 

kihyun: the romance is overwhelming

 

hyungwon: thanks for always being so enthusiastic 

 

kihyun: you’re so welcome

 

minhyuk: so we’re just gonna act like you guys don’t love each other 

minhyuk: and like i didn’t walk in on you guys crying and holding each other watching spirited away

 

kihyun: fuck you that movie gets super sad

 

hyungwon: he was a river spirit, minhyuk

 

minhyuk: struck a nerve

 

sugar dongsaeng: you often do  

sugar dongsaeng: i’m gonna fucking scream the weirdest lady came into the store

sugar dongsaeng: she just went straight to the bread aisle and then walked up and down the aisle like six times and left

sugar dongsaeng: BREADLESS

sugar dongsaeng: i’m so scared now a light went out over that aisle

 

kihyun: WHAT THE FUCK

 

sugar dongsaeng: i literally think she cursed the store i want out right now

sugar dongsaeng: hoseok can you call dongmin hyung

 

hoseok: i don’t have his number omg

 

sugar dongsaeng: IT’S AN EMERGENCY 

 

hoseok: how much longer is your shift

 

sugar dongsaeng: like twenty minutes

 

hoseok: you’ll live

 

kihyun: hyung i don’t think you understand the immensity

kihyun: of the haunted energy that store carries

kihyun: like i think there’s bodies under there

 

hyunwoo: i’m surprised kihyun ah i didn’t think you believed in that stuff

 

kihyun: when i’ve felt it firsthand there’s no sense pretending it doesn’t exist

kihyun: changkyun can’t come over until he’s been blessed or spiritually cleansed or something

 

sugar dongsaeng: hyung stop i’m gonna cry into the register

 

kihyun: no

kihyun: don’t show the spirits you’re afraid

 

sugar dongsaeng: YOU’RE RIGHT

 

jooheon: play a hymn from ur phone i’m so serious

jooheon: like reading this is making me want to cry but i thought i’d offer that bit of advice

 

minhyuk: he’s literally trembling in my arms lmao

 

sugar dongsaeng: omg good idea 

 

jooheon: no i’m so glad i’m with minhyuk hyung right now he’s Soothing me

 

minhyuk: see i can be good!!

 

kihyun: omg you’re already over there

 

jooheon: yeah i was supposed to go a bit later but i was  like fuck it and apparently that was the universe lookin out for me

jooheon: because i would have been alone when i read this otherwise and quietly died inside

 

hoseok: now i knew you were going over there without me but now that you’re there i feel

hoseok: cheated on

 

jooheon: hyung lmao no we’ll cuddle again soon

 

hyungwon: i’m tired again

 

hoseok: just go to sleep babe we’re already laying down

 

hyungwon: but i don’t want to i wanna see you :// i’m so busy now

 

hoseok: i know i miss you being unemployed sort of

hoseok: but like get that money i’m proud of you

 

kihyun: i say this every time but like

kihyun: again

kihyun: you’re with each other right now

kihyun: just say these things verbally

 

hyungwon: hey fuck off i don’t tell you how to live your life

 

hoseok: he’s too tired 2 talk :/

 

minhyuk: HOLY SHIT

 

jooheon: HE JUST SCREAMED THAT IN PERSON IN MY EAR FUCK

 

minhyuk: I’M EXCITED

minhyuk: IT’S PRACTICALLY CHRISTMAS

 

kihyun: literally a month away but you know what i love christmas so

kihyun: happy christmas eve

 

**minhyuk** changed their name to  **merry minhyuk**

 

hoseok: OH HELL YEAH i’ve been wanting a themed nickname again

hoseok: my life was so empty

 

kihyun: i don’t have any ideas this time around ://

 

merry minhyuk: it’ll come to you

merry minhyuk: give it time

 

**jooheon** changed their name to  **jooholly**

 

jooholly: i hope you all know that i was forced to do this

 

merry minhyuk: :^)

merry minhyuk: don’t listen to him he loves it he’s laughing into my neck

 

hoseok: you guys are so cute :(( i love you

hoseok: wtf though jooheon i was gonna make a holly pun

 

jooholly: you still can it’s a free country

 

hoseok: feels cheap now

 

jooholly: aw hyung we love you too

 

**hoseok** changed their name to  **hollyseok**

 

hollyseok: just so you all know

hollyseok: this is just temporary until i find something better

hollyseok: because lee hoseok is not a copier or an imitator 

hollyseok: he’s an original

 

hyungwon: we know babe

 

hollyseok: :)

 

jooholly: oh wait oh wait

 

**jooholly** changed their name to **jingleheon**

 

hollyseok: oh HELL yeah

 

jingleheon: that feels right 

 

merry minhyuk: i’ve never been so proud in my life i love my baby

 

jingleheon: hyung stoppp

 

hollyseok: we all know you love it and you’re smilingg

 

kihyun: i can actually hear hoseok hyung singing that

 

merry minhyuk: the dimples are doing great today 

merry minhyuk: they’re really in the holiday spirit

 

jingleheon: can we 

jingleheon: for one day 

jingleheon: not act like my dimples are separate entities

jingleheon: like they’re just indents on my face

 

sugar dongsaeng: u got short face muscles

 

jingleheon: what the fuck kinda insult is that

 

sugar dongsaeng: IT’S NOT ONE

sugar dongsaeng: that’s what dimples are you short face muscled bastard

 

hyungwon: LMAO

 

kihyun: i know that’s literally a fact but it sounds So mean

 

hollyseok: i mean the bastard part was definitely not necessary

hollyseok: but coming from someone whose dad is a scientist this stings

 

merry minhyuk: we know they’re not separate entities they’re just

merry minhyuk: your face holes

 

jingleheon: that really isn’t better hyung

 

merry minhyuk: okay talk to you all later i’m gonna poke his dimples

 

jingleheon: NO

 

kihyun: jooheon are you okay

 

hyunwoo: uh

 

sugar dongsaeng: wow minhyuk hyung finally took him out

 

hyungwon: like the spirits are you going to do to you if you don’t get the fuck out of there

 

sugar dongsaeng: hyung

sugar dongsaeng: is your taco bell hiring

 

kihyun: oh No

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	16. love texts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> changkyun gets a job at the taco bell that hyungwon works at and wonho gets into the strawberry vodka

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don’t know why this chapter got a little emo i guess i was in my feelings lmao i’m sorry for the delay! also i’m just kidding abt the taco bell stuff and also none of these are supposed to be insults to the people working there who are underpaid and deserve better i just know some of my friends who work there hate it lmao and i wanted to convey their Suffering...i feel like somewhere in here there's a mistake i didn't catch and it's gonna bite me in the ass..anyways enjoy!

 

sugar dongsaeng: guess who works at taco bell with hyungwon hyung now

 

kihyun: omg no

kihyun: your employer doesn’t know what they’ve done

 

hyungwon: it’s...an Experience for sure

 

jingleheon: i give it two weeks before they burn down the taco bell somehow

 

hyungwon: wtf why would that happen

 

jingleheon: because there’s making food involved and you know how to use zero [0] cooking appliances

 

hyungwon: that’s not true

 

jingleheon: i’ve seen you make ramen before hyung

 

hollyseok: if it were possible to burn water...

 

merry minhyuk: how fucking desperate are they for employees lmfao

 

sugar dongsaeng: they hired us both on the spot so uh

sugar dongsaeng: very

 

hyungwon: we ran out of fucking meat the other day what am i supposed to do

hyungwon: stuff a bunch of lettuce in a tortilla and hope no one notices

hyungwon: i’m being fed to the fucking sharks here

 

hollyseok: i literally can’t think of a demographic that would recognize a lack of meat faster than taco bell customers

hollyseok: i know because i’m one of them

 

hyunwoo: i’d be Quite upset if i get a lettuce taco

 

hyungwon: get Quite upset when i’m not on drive thru hyung it’s not our fault :(

 

sugar dongsaeng: i’m pretty sure i saw the manager do two shots of vodka in her car

sugar dongsaeng: like Mood

sugar dongsaeng: but we’re trying to work 

 

kihyun: “pretty sure”

 

sugar dongsaeng: well there’s the small possibility it’s water

sugar dongsaeng: i don’t know why she’d drink it out of a shot glass and knock it back like that but hey

sugar dongsaeng: i’d probably do that with chocolate milk

sugar dongsaeng: idk i’m not the police

 

hyungwon: you know the dude who’s like always on front register

 

sugar dongsaeng: vaguely i’ve worked here for like four hours but yeah

 

hyungwon: well his name is sangmin one time i was like

hyungwon: can you get some more drink lids

hyungwon: and he just

hyungwon: blew vape rings in my face 

hyungwon: like fuck you man that stuff was inside your lungs don’t do that shit

 

hollyseok: i just dry heaved

 

kihyun: wow that’s...i never thought about that

 

hollyseok: also none of you have any holiday spirit wtf where are ur christmas names

 

kihyun: IT’S HARD 

kihyun: my name doesn’t just lend itself to christmas words

 

**sugar dongsaeng** changed their name to **nutcracker**

 

hollyseok: changkyun

hollyseok: why

 

nutcracker: i like it it’s festive and also vaguely threatening 

 

hyunwoo: threatening how exactly

hyunwoo: oh cracking nuts

hyunwoo: okay fine

 

kihyun: can’t you control him somehow as the oldest hyung i can’t believe we have to put up with this

 

hyunwoo: nobody can control changkyunnie also he has solid reasoning

 

hyungwon: i need new friends

 

hollyseok: i’m pissed off

 

kihyun: omg you never get mad what’s wrong

 

hollyseok: there’s so many christmas puns combined with your names in my head waiting to be discovered

hollyseok: but i just can’t bring them to life

 

kihyun: yup that sounds right

 

hyungwon: that’s such a hoseok thing to get mad about i’m gonna laugh into the mic mid order stop

hyungwon: the customers are very sensitive they’re going to think i’m judging their order of eleven FUCKING quesadillas

hyungwon: which i am but if i laugh they might throw one of them at my face

hyungwon: i need my face

 

hollyseok: hell yeah you do

hollyseok: wtf get off your phone you’re working

 

hyungwon: i’ll perish if i put my phone down i can’t do this i’ll lose my mind

hyungwon: even our manager has to drink to get through a shift i’m out here sober as fuck

 

jingleheon: wtf there’s no sense of teamwork

jingleheon: no spirit of camaraderie 

jingleheon: you’re all on your own

 

hyungwon: that’s capitalism, baby

 

kihyun: what have you been up to

 

jingleheon: are you my mom

 

kihyun: um yeah actually

 

jingleheon: oh damn true

jingleheon: me and hyung went to an arcade

jingleheon: i suck at every and all games but minhyuk hyung is really good

jingleheon: especially at the single player shooting ones

jingleheon: please save me

 

**kihyun** changed their name to  **kismas**

 

hyungwon: that’s pretty weak 

 

kismas: you pronounce it kees-mass it’s good i promise

 

hyungwon: sure

hyungwon: if that comforts you

 

kismas: get back to me when you have a themed nickname beef boy

 

hyungwon: NO

hyungwon: NO TACO BELL THEMED INSULTS

hyungwon: working here in itself is the biggest insult of them all

hyungwon: your words could never compare

 

nutcracker: update on manager

nutcracker: she just took a baja blast of some sort and poured vodka into it

 

hyungwon: i knew she looked too happy about that

 

merry minhyuk: now that’s what innovation is all about

 

**hyunwoo** changed their name to  **showflake**

 

**hyungwon** changed his name to  **hyungwinter**

 

jingleheon: MINHYUK HYUNG AND I ARENT FRIENDS ANYMORE

 

hollyseok: OMG

hollyseok: why not

hollyseok: also omg good one you guys

 

showflake: not friends?

showflake: are you dating now

 

hollyseok: OOHH

 

nutcracker: inch resting...

 

kismas: lmao it begins

kismas: the purge of minhyuk’s friends

kismas: realizing he’s evil and turning on him

 

nutcracker: i’m how he still called him hyung

 

jingleheon: we’re not friends anymore but i’m still respectful

jingleheon: HE THREW A FUCKIN SNOWBALL RIGHT IN MY FACE 

jingleheon: I GOT SNOW IN MY FUCKING EYEBALL I COULDN’T TELL WHAT WAS TEARS

jingleheon: AND WHAT WAS MELTING SNOW

 

nutcracker: LMFAO

nutcracker: LITERALLY COLD AS FUCK 

 

hyungwinter: damn omg

 

merry minhyuk: it was funny and you know it 

 

nutcracker: and you snow it

 

jingleheon: we’re not doing this christmas and winter puns are BANNED

 

hollyseok: but all of our names are puns

 

jingleheon: i said what i said

jingleheon: not only that but then we made a sn

jingleheon: a snowm

 

nutcracker: take your time

 

jingleheon: a snowman and minhyuk hyung went around the back of it and whistled

jingleheon: and went “damn he’s thicc”

 

nutcracker: LMAO

 

jingleheon: it wasn’t even thicc until he added snow to give it a rounder ass i hate him

 

merry minhyuk: i gave him plastic surgery and made his life better 

merry minhyuk: i personally cannot believe you’re faulting me for this

 

nutcracker: when the customer in the drive thru actually knows what they want and doesn’t sit there for five minutes contemplating their order

nutcracker: intense daberoni

 

hyungwinter: sometimes i think this groupchat is the biggest disaster ever

hyungwinter: actually? scratch that

hyungwinter: second biggest

 

kismas: what’s the first biggest

 

hyungwinter: my life

 

kismas: i could’ve called that

kismas: like i was gonna respond jokingly with that same answer but you saying it yourself?

kismas: that’s sad i actually feel bad

 

hollyseok: baby that’s so out of style it’s almost 2018 we’re loving ourselves now

hollyseok: and each other

 

nutcracker: actually i like the sound of that these self hatred memes feel stale i’m ready for a LIfestyle Change

nutcracker: health boy hyung what tips do you have to feel better

 

showflake: be aware of what you’re asking

 

kismas: LMAO

 

showflake: just want him to be prepared

 

hyungwinter: hoseok rn: [pulling out his 8 foot long scroll of health advice] thought you’d never ask

 

merry minhyuk: don’t be so harsh

merry minhyuk: it’s only 7 feet long 

 

hollyseok: keep memeing on me just see how healthy i let you guys be

 

nutcracker: NO i didn’t even say anything let me live hyung

 

hollyseok: okay fine...for You changkyunnie

hollyseok: good evening to changkyun only

hollyseok: i’ll try to keep this short because everyone hates reading apparently

hollyseok: 1) drink lots of water 2) get enough sunshine and fresh air 3) exercise a couple times a week at least 4) take a goddamn multivitamin with food they’re fat soluble you fucking gremlins 5) don’t JUST take a multivitamin actually eat nutritious food also no changkyun not just fruit salad in syrup from a can vegetables too man a lot of them 6) change your mindset and actively work to view things positively and grow as a person no it’s not easy yes it is worth it

hollyseok: i’m done now i’m ready to get clowned

 

merry minhyuk: i’m fresh out of sarcastic remarks hoseok hyung just took me to fucking SCHOOL

 

nutcracker: me rn scrambling to heat up a bag of frozen green beans from the freezer

 

hollyseok: :D a good first step

 

hyungwinter: hey i love you for a lot of reasons but this is one of them :(

 

merry minhyuk: i’m gonna get my whole entire life together bitch! fighting my personal demons one veggie at a time!

 

hollyseok: glad i could be of some assistance

 

showflake: WAIT I’M A FUCKING IDIOT

 

**showflake** changed their name to **snownu**

 

kismas: OH MY GOD

 

jingleheon: I CAN’T RBEATHE THAT WAS SO SUDDEN

 

hyungwinter: ASLFKALSFKLKJ

 

snownu: it was staring me right in the face

snownu: i can’t believe this

 

merry minhyuk: LMFAOOO

merry minhyuk: it’s like that sometimes

 

hollyseok: hyungwon can i come over after your shift and watch the food network with you

 

hyungwinter: i don’t see why not

 

hollyseok: and they say romance is dead

 

kismas: nobody says that

 

**kismas** changed their name to  **winter kyunderland**

 

jingleheon: everyone stop changing your names how am i gonna get used to them

 

winter kyunderland: they literally all have direct references to our names in them

 

jingleheon: i crave stability 

 

merry minhyuk: i can provide :)

 

jingleheon: so presents! are we getting them for each other?

 

winter kyunderland: well we’re all pretty broke but i think we could manage something small for each other

winter kyunderland: so i say yes?

 

hollyseok: yeah they can just be little things

hollyseok: i mean even if someone can’t afford it we all know we love each other so

 

jingleheon: whom here likes small candles

 

nutcracker: me

nutcracker: i can put them near the remaining bath bombs i still have

 

snownu: you have some left?

 

nutcracker: trust me hyung if i could take a bubble bath every single day i would but alas

nutcracker: so i have a lot left

nutcracker: oh wait any of y’all want bath bombs lmaoo

 

hyungwinter: i have a walk in shower i suffer

 

nutcracker: just plug the drain and shut the door realllly tight

 

hyungwinter: shut up askfjsf

 

winter kyunderland: changkyun basically: just flood your whole entire house

 

nutcracker: enjoy the calming smell of a sea breeze while you call your insurance company to see if any of the damage is covered

 

hyungwinter: we’re working at the same place at this very moment i Will walk to the back and kick your ass

 

nutcracker: and get fired? i doubt that

 

hollyseok: you’d never kick changkyunnie’s ass he’s like your favorite dongsaeng

 

merry minhyuk: It’s True But He Shouldn’t Say It

 

hyungwinter: first of all, it’d be a PRIVILEGE to get fired from here

 

winter kyunderland: shut up you need rent and christmas money

 

hyungwinter: maybe so

hyungwinter: at least we’ll get off soonish

 

merry minhyuk: get off?

 

hyungwinter: OFF WORK

hyungwinter: you knew that too

 

merry minhyuk: yeah i did

 

nutcracker: the real reason hoseok hyung is coming over revealed

 

hollyseok: hyungwon will be too tired and i really don’t like distractions during holiday baking championship

 

hyungwinter: i’m a Distraction?

 

hollyseok: no sex is 

hollyseok: you’re beautiful and lovely company to have while doing something i love 

hollyseok: and i always love you more than the food network

 

hyungwinter: suddenly the remaining moments of my shift seem that much easier to get through

hyungwinter: i love you too <3

 

nutcracker: kihyun hyung can i come over after work it’s lonely at my apartment

 

winter kyunderland: of course i’m making myself dinner rn do you want some

 

nutcracker: please

nutcracker: you’re such a good cook

 

winter kyunderland: hyunwoo hyung 

winter kyunderland: do you wanna come too

 

snownu: :D

 

merry minhyuk: i gotta say my heart really does melt when he does that

merry minhyuk: also maybe it’s kinda cute when kihyun is all warm and cooks for everybody :// but i didn’t say that

 

winter kyunderland: minhyuk loves me to be clear

 

hyungwinter: we know we just let him think we believe him

 

merry minhyuk: i absolutely do not! that’s slander and lies!

 

hollyseok: sure minhyuk-ah :D

 

merry minhyuk: i feel like you don’t believe me

 

hollyseok: you’re right!

 

* * *

 

 

hollyseok: hello m babeis i loge you all so juch

 

winter kyunderland: um

winter kyunderland: i love you too

winter kyunderland: are you okay

 

hyungwinter: he’s super drunk lmao

hyungwinter: he’s okay he’s with me i’m taking care of him

 

winter kyunderland: i repeat

winter kyunderland: are you okay

 

hyungwinter: stop lmao he’s fine i’m making him drink water

 

winter kyunderland: okay that’s good i was stressed out for a little bit

 

jingleheon: hyung you’re so cute we love you :((

jingleheon: do you feel good are you having fun

 

nutcracker: i’m so endeared right now so jooheon hyung and minhyuk hyung ended up coming over for dinner too

nutcracker: and we’re all just talking abt how cute you both are but mostly hoseok bc he’s soft

 

hollyseok: i fele so godo jooheonie!! i love you!

 

jingleheon: oh my god :( <3 i love you too hyung

 

nutcracker: i can’t believe how good he spelled i love you it’s like he types it so often it’s permanently in his brain

 

hyungwinter: i know he’s so cute aw his head is in my lap he’s so cuddly

 

snownu: we’re well aware lmao

 

winter kyunderland: hoseok hyung every time we drink together: who will i snuggle up to today

 

merry minhyuk: LMAO literally

 

hyungwinter: he’s not even party drunk he’s just sleepy drunk like 

hyungwinter: his eyes are shut and i’m playing with his hair 

hyungwinter: and he just looks so content and happy he’s jsut smiling

 

winter kyunderland: wow ideal level of drunk

 

jingleheon: i’m jealous

 

merry minhyuk: aww drunk hoseok is like the best friend in the word

 

hyungwinter: i know he really is :( he’s the sweetest

hyungwinter: like he already is

hyungwinter: but the alcohol just 

hyungwinter: enhances it

 

winter kyunderland: what’s the occasion 

 

hyungwinter: there isn’t one really he just took out the strawberry vodka and i was like i’m not feeling it

hyungwinter: but you can go ahead

hyungwinter: bc i didn’t mind if he drank he was gonna spend the night anyway

hyungwinter: so here we are

 

merry minhyuk: are you sick at all hyung

 

hollyseok: no i; fnie

 

merry minhyuk: aw i’m glad

 

hyungwinter: he has like paragraph long texts about how much he loves each other you set up in his phone notes but the typos are unreal

hyungwinter: like out of this world

 

hollyseok: idiont even knwo hwat i tped

 

hyungwinter: don’t ever say autocorrect didn’t do anything for you

hyungwinter: um so

hyungwinter: this is super last minute but you guys are all together right?

 

winter kyunderland: yeah we just finished eating

winter kyunderland: you want leftovers?

 

hyungwinter: that’s what i mean

hyungwinter: do you guys wanna spend the night?

hyungwinter: i don’t have a ton of food or anything but

hyungwinter: we miss you guys

 

snownu: hoseok too?

 

hyungwinter: yes lmao

hyungwinter: when i asked he nuzzled my leg and made a pleased sound

hyungwinter: like a kitty 

 

nutcracker: i think that’d be cute 

 

winter kyunderland: yeah i don’t mind going

 

merry minhyuk: okay we’re gonna head out 

merry minhyuk: we’ll bring you and hoseok hyung some food

 

hyungwinter: we love you guys drive safe okay?

hyungwinter: it’s snowing a little

 

jingleheon: of course 

 

snownu: we love you too

 

nutcracker: hyung

nutcracker: do you have a tree yet

 

hyungwinter: yeah a shitty tiny one

hyungwinter: it’s all boring and sad

 

nutcracker: let’s decorate the apartment

nutcracker: we’re gonna pick up some ornaments and stuff is that okay

nutcracker: just want your place to feel cozy

 

merry minhyuk: i love decorating

merry minhyuk: kihyun is gonna micromanage me until i pass out

 

winter kyunderland: no i wont

winter kyunderland: in the name of christmas

 

jingleheon: christmas miracles do exist

 

hyungwinter: that’d be lovely but also

hyungwinter: all i need for my place to be cozy is for you guys to be here

 

jingleheon: hoseok hyung is really rubbing off on you lmao

jingleheon: also i’m crying in the car

 

nutcracker: big mood hyunwoo hyung just quietly wiped a tear in the passenger seat

 

hyungwinter: <3

 


	17. lego hot pocket

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyungwon adores maknae line and people become savages when it's time to christmas shop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all i apologize for the wait and i know it has been a very painful week for everybody bc of the news of jonghyun's passing so i hope this chapter can make you smile even just once and i love you all

hollyseok: if hyungwon puts the peanut butter on a shelf i can’t reach one more time we’re breaking up

hollyseok: he has like a secret cupboard that only he’s tall enough to access

 

hyungwinter: it’s MY APARTMENT

 

snownu: false i can also reach that cabinet 

snownu: that’s where the halloween party donut holes rested for all of us two seconds 

snownu: before i devoured them

 

hollyseok: but you should be considerate of the shorter people that visit

hollyseok: and/or spend a lot of time there and enjoy peanut butter

 

nutcracker: i just personally feel like if that’s the biggest problem you guys are having

nutcracker: things are going pretty good

 

hollyseok: oh they are

hollyseok: they’d just be going better if i could reach the pb

 

jingleheon: so i’m home alone right now

jingleheon: and it’s HORRIFYING 

 

winter kyunderland: aren’t you like

winter kyunderland: usually home alone

 

jingleheon: YES

jingleheon: and it’s HORRIFYING

 

merry minhyuk: jooheonie you need to get a roommate

merry minhyuk: i volunteer 

 

jingleheon: don’t you have your own apartment

 

merry minhyuk: yeah but i’d move

merry minhyuk: if you wanted

 

hollyseok: omg

hollyseok: that’s so cute

 

jingleheon: aw hyung :(( 

jingleheon: maybe we can… talk about it later some more

 

merry minhyuk: okay :D love you

 

winter kyunderland: ugh just

winter kyunderland: come to my place

 

jingleheon: can i really

 

merry minhyuk: why are you always home

 

winter kyunderland: BECAUSE I’M UNEMPLOYED

winter kyunderland: also yes really 

 

jingleheon: hyung i love you i owe you my life

 

merry minhyuk: and clearly very comfortable with and accepting of that fact

merry minhyuk: it’s not like you’re a loser or something because you don’t have a job

merry minhyuk: you feel that way because capitalism makes it so humans only are perceived as having worth if they are working 

 

hollyseok: he’s right you know

 

winter kyunderland: thank you minhyuk :(

 

merry minhyuk: of course! working is not your only purpose in life

merry minhyuk: what’s also valuable is enjoying your youth and even taking comfort in this time

merry minhyuk: you need money but you’ll get a job before it becomes too much of an issue and your parents wouldn’t let you struggle like that

 

winter kyunderland: you’re right...my mom always told me if i ever really needed help she’d send me money

winter kyunderland: i just don’t want it to come to that

winter kyunderland: i wanna be a son who can succeed on his own

 

merry minhyuk: and you will be but this is a very clumsy time in life and it’d be really weird for you to just never struggle

merry minhyuk: just know that you have that safety net from your family and everything will be okay

merry minhyuk: and it probably won’t even come to you having to dip into that money

merry minhyuk: because you’re very capable and we all know that about you

merry minhyuk: it’ll be okay kihyun

 

winter kyunderland: i know you’re right...i can just be stubborn with this sort of thing because i thought i’d be able to be the excepton

winter kyunderland: but i know it’s not fair to myself to have such high expectations

winter kyunderland: you’re right everything will be okay thank you for everything you said :(

winter kyunderland: i love you 

 

merry minhyuk: love you too~~ <33

 

winter kyunderland: jooheon-ah

winter kyunderland: is it okay if have to go out i was going to finish holiday shopping today

 

jingleheon: that’s totally fine i’m not in a position to argue

 

hollyseok: i just went to dunkin donuts and got a bagel with cream cheese and they PUT THE CREAM CHEESE ON IT FOR YOU

hollyseok: the future is now! the limit does not exist! everything is possible

 

winter kyunderland: don’t you think you’re overreacting

 

hollyseok: fuck off nothing can bring me down from my bagel high

hollyseok: the joy i felt when i sunk my teeth into pre-cream cheese’d bagel was unsurmountable

 

hyungwinter: i’m glad you’re happy baby

hyungwinter: that’s so cute asfkjsf it’s just a bagel :( i love you

hyungwinter: i have a weird thing where i can only stomach cream cheese on a bagel

 

merry minhyuk: picky eater hyungwonnie strikes again

 

hyungwinter: guilty as charged

 

hollyseok: i’m gonna be hung up on this bagel thing all day it’s like room service

hollyseok: this is luxury living

 

nutcracker: this lady gave me a fucking $20 dollar tip earlier

nutcracker: i’m dabbing my ass off

 

hyungwinter: changkyun i can’t stand you

 

nutcracker: then take a seat

 

hyungwinter: I AM WE’RE SITTING ACROSS FROM EACH OTHER IN THE BREAK ROOM

 

winter kyunderland: i don’t understand how do you two always end up working the same shift

 

hyungwinter: destiny

 

hollyseok: hyungwon requested that 

 

hyungwinter: hey :(( 

hyungwinter: that was a secret

 

merry minhyuk: and they listen to you? doesn’t management suck

 

hyungwinter: they do but they owe me for getting them another employee

hyungwinter: because no one was applying no one wants to fuckin work here lmao

 

nutcracker: and just like that hyungwon is their most valued employee

 

hyungwinter: two weeks later

 

winter kyunderland: so i just went christmas shopping for you guys with jooheon

winter kyunderland: last minute i know

winter kyunderland: and people are fuckin animals

 

merry minhyuk: where the HELL were you shopping that you saw that

 

winter kyunderland: NO

winter kyunderland: MINHYUK

winter kyunderland: like they were parking in spots where there were no parking spaces

winter kyunderland: they were making their own

winter kyunderland: it’s a lawless land out there

 

merry minhyuk: oh yes we love innovation

 

jingleheon: go getters

 

winter kyunderland: one lady tried to enter a makeup store and a girl leaving opened a door into her face

winter kyunderland: and broke her nose

winter kyunderland: one of her teeth fell out

 

nutcracker: holy SHIT

 

jingleheon: it was AWFUL i yelled

 

hyungwinter: oh my fucking god

 

snownu: was it an accident

 

winter kyunderland: i don’t know but she’s pressing charges like hell yeah girl

winter kyunderland: i’ll be a witness like i was right there she really got fuckin whacked

 

hyungwinter: this case has nothing to do with me but my inner law student is like vibrating

 

jingleheon: we love a dedicated lawyer in the making

 

hollyseok: oh yes we do

 

hyungwinter: omg unrelated but our vaping coworker the cashier

hyungwinter: sangmin

hyungwinter: he got fired

 

winter kyunderland: why omg

 

hyungwinter: he just would NOT stop vaping on the tacos

hyungwinter: which is a health violation like i had to throw out so many tacos

 

hollyseok: one question

hollyseok: what the fuck

 

hyungwinter: he just kept blowing o’s on them 

 

nutcracker: when will our store be shut down honestly

 

hyungwinter: we can only hope sometime soon

 

hollyseok: um minhyukie

hollyseok: you know how you like to go to the movies by yourself sometimes

 

merry minhyuk: yes 

 

hollyseok: yeah i tried to do that

hollyseok: and there was only one other guy in the theatre and he SCREAM LAUGHED at everything

 

jingleheon: ME LMFAO

 

hollyseok: like things that weren’t even supposed to be funny

hollyseok: i left i was scared he’d attack me

 

merry minhyuk: LMFAO i know that guy

merry minhyuk: just dont go there on mondays

merry minhyuk: but he’s harmless

 

winter kyunderland: WHAT

 

nutcracker: when you see movies so often you know the movie theater customers

 

hollyseok: omg

 

winter kyunderland: hey does anyone know where i can take stunt double classes

 

snownu: excuse me

 

winter kyunderland: people were driving like SHIT and i’m a pedestrian that needs money

winter kyunderland: i need to find a way to like get hit by a car

winter kyunderland: but safely

winter kyunderland: like i need to escape with a minor injury

winter kyunderland: an ankle bruise perhaps

 

snownu: i just don’t feel like it’s possible to just get slightly hit by a car

 

hyungwinter: we’re really out here financially struggling lmfao

 

winter kyunderland: all these people with money slamming the breaks when they see me

winter kyunderland: fucking cowards

 

merry minhyuk: if i’d saw you i’d hit the gas so hard

merry minhyuk: i’m kidding kasjfsaf

 

winter kyunderland: that’d be worthless you have no money

 

jingleheon: they’re not hitting you cause they need that lawsuit money to shop for their children

 

winter kyunderland: oh yeah so they can buy fucking reginald some embroidered socks with golden thread and diamonds on the toes

 

hollyseok: damn what’d reginald ever do to you

hollyseok: my boyfriend’s name is reginald you asshole

 

nutcracker: yeah have some respect hyung

 

winter kyunderland: NO IT’S NOT 

winter kyunderland: you’re literally dating hyungwon

 

jingleheon: as far as names go i feel like hyungwon is like

jingleheon: the polar opposite of reginald

 

hollyseok: okay but what if my boyfriend was named that

hollyseok: think before you speak

 

winter kyunderland: i said what i said

 

hyungwinter: loving this conversation

 

merry minhyuk: god i love shopping

 

snownu: that’s why you have no money you just blow it all on candles

 

jingleheon: AJFKSJFAF 

jingleheon: imagine gettng roasted by HYUNWOO HYUNG i’m screaming

 

nutcracker: called the fuck out kajsfsaf

 

hollyseok: ic ant breathe

 

merry minhyuk: honestly? i’m speechless

 

snownu: sorry

 

merry minhyuk: no it’s all good you didn’t lie…

merry minhyuk: i’ll just light a candle to heal my wounded heart

 

snownu: at least you use them

 

merry minhyuk: next time i have money i’ll buy you beef hyung

 

snownu: :D

 

hollyseok: hyunwoo i’d die for you

 

hyungwinter: seconded

 

nutcracker: the answer to all of our money problems is to eat the rich

 

hyungwinter: ...kyunnie no

 

jingleheon: wait no hold on

jingleheon: let him speak

 

merry minhyuk: oho? what’s this

 

hyungwinter: don’t you oho me mister lee

 

merry minhyuk: it’s like aha but more festive

merry minhyuk: kyunnie? hmm

merry minhyuk: that’s cute… does someone have a Soft Spot

 

hollyseok: he so does sometimes i think he loves changkyun more than me actually

hollyseok: i’m sure of it

 

hyungwinter: i’m clapping a metaphorical hand over your metaphorical mouth

 

merry minhyuk: you’d love to do that wouldn’t you

 

hyungwinter: SHUT

 

jingleheon: now that you mention it

jingleheon: hyungwon hyung does cling to changkyun

jingleheon: like a koala

 

hyungwinter: gotta keep him safe :(( gotta protect

 

nutcracker: i’m really okay hyung you don’t have to do that

 

snownu: maybe it’s because he’s always protecting you

 

hollyseok: he’s got a point

 

jingleheon: something to consider

 

winter kyunderland: he loves the maknaes it’s just fucking hilarious to me because like

winter kyunderland: he’s third youngest

 

hyungwinter: first of all they’re my kids who i’d die for 

 

jingleheon: one time he called me cute so many times it stopped sounding like a world

 

hyungwinter: because you’re cute :(

hyungwinter: you’re so cute jooheonie stop

 

hollyseok: omg

hollyseok: he’s tearing up

 

snownu: how do you know

 

hollyseok: i just do

 

winter kyunderland: that vaping guy being fired really got to you huh

 

hyungwinter: fuck off

 

nutcracker: hyungwon called for a break which you can’t even do and then

nutcracker: pulled me into the break room and is squeezing me in a hug

nutcracker: i’m typing this with my mind

 

jingleheon: or your fingers

 

hollyseok: hyungwon is so cute :(( he has so much love in his heart

hollyseok: that’s my baby :(

 

**hollyseok** to  **merry minhyuk**

 

hollyseok: minhyuk can i ask you something

hollyseok: what do you do when the bad thoughts are really loud

 

merry minhyuk: it just seems like love is always louder

merry minhyuk: love drowns them out

 

hollyseok: kinda like you

 

merry minhyuk: hm?

 

hollyseok: i think you must be love

hollyseok: you’re always louder than the bad thoughts too

 

merry minhyuk: hoseok..

 

hollyseok: i mean it

 

merry minhyuk: are you okay?

 

hollyseok: yeah

hollyseok: the weather is just really cold

hollyseok: it gets dark early

hollyseok: it’s kinda fucking with my mood

hollyseok: making me sad

 

merry minhyuk: how can i help?

 

hollyseok: how are you?

 

merry minhyuk: don’t change the subject

merry minhyuk: i’m really okay

merry minhyuk: we’re talking about you

 

hollyseok: i don’t know

hollyseok: i can’t think of anything specifically 

hollyseok: just telling someone is nice

hollyseok: sorry

 

merry minhyuk: it’s okay sweetheart

merry minhyuk: i’m not busy

merry minhyuk: i know hyungwonnie is working right now

merry minhyuk: and it’s hard for you to not have anything to do because we’re on break

merry minhyuk: but i could come over

merry minhyuk: we could get something to eat

 

hollyseok: i’ll pay

 

merry minhyuk: you don’t have to but whatever you want

merry minhyuk: just get in the shower real quick

merry minhyuk: i’ll be there soon

merry minhyuk: i bet you haven’t gotten out of bed today, right?

 

hollyseok: that’s not true i got that bagel lmao

 

merry minhyuk: LMAO that place is like three minutes from your house

merry minhyuk: i’m still proud of you though

merry minhyuk: go get ready

merry minhyuk: i hope you know since you’re paying i’m gonna eat my body weight in food

 

hollyseok: i’d expect nothing less

 

merry minhyuk: you’re going to have to tell hyungwon how you’ve been feeling

merry minhyuk: is it hard to talk to him about it? he really cares so much

merry minhyuk: he wants to help you

 

hollyseok: it’s just silly but i’m not used to leaning on him for support as my boyfriend

hollyseok: and i don’t want to burden him

 

merry minhyuk: it’s more of a burden not to know how you’re feeling but being able to tell you’re sad

merry minhyuk: when hyungwonnie gets out of work 

merry minhyuk: if he’s not too tired

merry minhyuk: go see him and talk to him

merry minhyuk: he loves you hyung

merry minhyuk: i mean it

 

hollyseok: i know minhyukie

hollyseok: i will

 

**it’s ya boy skinny penis**

 

winter kyunderland: it’s really way past time we change this groupchat name like

winter kyunderland: it’s stale and old 

winter kyunderland: not funny anymore

 

nutcracker: as the person who picked this name i’m offended

nutcracker: do you have any suggestions

 

winter kyunderland: not really that’s why i brought it up 

winter kyunderland: i feel like if we combine our seven heads we can come up with something good

 

merry minhyuk: i think you’re overestimating us

 

nutcracker: creativity machine BROKE it took us forever just to come up with usernames that were vaguely holidayish

 

winter kyunderland: okay that’s true

 

nutcracker: maybe we don’t have to be creative

nutcracker: everybody start listing their favorite vines 

 

hyungwinter: oh HELL no my phone will break the notifications will go wild

 

nutcracker: okay that’s true we’re a vine loving group of misfits um

 

hollyseok: i have a winner

 

jingleheon: omg i’m so excited

 

hollyseok: lego hot pocket

 

jingleheon: I LOVE THAT VINE

 

nutcracker: YA BOY PACKIE HERE 

 

hyungwinter: i’m gonna teach you all how to make a lego hot pocket

 

winter kyunderland: approved

 

groupchat: lego hot pocket

 

nutcracker: wow it’s official

nutcracker: goodbye skinny penis

nutcracker: hello lego hot pocket

 

jingleheon: not to bring up aliens again after what happened last time but this is all so 

jingleheon: fucking obscure like the aliens are probably frowning down at us

 

hyungwinter: can’t wait for a historian to find this conversation on the big old internet archive and try to make some semblance of sense from it

 

merry minhyuk: lmao good luck to that guy

 

winter kyunderland: even we can’t make sense out of it

  
  
  



	18. nipless lee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nipples, aliens, entrepreneurship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all i am soooo sorry this took so long almost a WHOLE MONTH omg i'm so sorry

hoseok: not to be vulgar but it’s so fucking cold i feel like my nipples are gonna freeze and just fucking break off

 

changkyun: like icicles 

 

hoseok: THEY’RE NOT THAT POINTY CHANGKYUN

 

changkyun: or so you say

 

minhyuk: i for one would be deeply saddened if they fell off

 

hoseok: me too i’d be nipless

hoseok: i don’t want that to be how people know me

hoseok: old no nips

hoseok: nipless lee

 

kihyun: shut the fuck up safkjasfjasf i can’t breathe

 

jooheon: and then it’s like they wanna know how your nipples came off

jooheon: and they’re expecting a cool story but you’re just like

jooheon: it was just so fucking Cold outside one day

 

hoseok: KJDKSAJFASF

 

hyungwon: a tale mothers tell their kids so they bundle up in winter

hyungwon: be careful or you’ll end up like

hyungwon: no nips 

 

hoseok: that makes me sound like a monster sjfkasf i’d just be me

hoseok: with fewer nipples

 

hyunwoo: no nipples at all actually

 

hoseok: okay i think we’ve talked about this long enough

 

hyunwoo: i’ll get you some nipple warmers

 

hoseok: do they make those

hoseok: i mean NO

 

minhyuk: umm respectfully disagree?

minhyuk: i could talk about your nipples for hours

 

hoseok: hyungwon ah protect my honor

 

hyungwon: sorry babe i’m with them

hyungwon: they’re just so interesting

 

hoseok: your nipples will be next

 

jooheon: GASP

 

kihyun: why is that

 

hoseok: he has no body fat basically it’s like practically his bones vs all the forces of mother nature

hoseok: and he is Not Winning  let me tell you

 

minhyuk: tell me about it where is the skinny solidarity i’m freezing my ass off

minhyuk: i have to sleep with a body pillow and a heating pad i’m one lonely bitch

 

jooheon: just have me come over wtf hyung

 

minhyuk: do u mean that jooheonie

minhyuk: do u know what ur volunteering to do

 

kihyun: i can’t believe jooheon is moving in with minhyuk

 

minhyuk: omg

minhyuk: that’s right...jooheonie wants me to move in

 

hoseok: OH MY GOD…

 

kihyun: this is working out well

 

hyungwon: no but he’s right i’m fucking freezing even now as i type this

hyungwon: i’d cry because i’m so cold but i fear the tears would freeze halfway down my face

 

changkyun: it’s true his fingers are trembling only autocorrect is saving him right now

 

kihyun: are you two literally at fucking work right now through this winter storm

kihyun: it is actually freezing temperatures outside

 

hyungwon: welcome to fucking taco bell

 

changkyun: they said if no one showed up they’d let us out early so

changkyun: the next person to pull up to the drive thru is getting their ass kicked

 

hyungwon: i’m considering heating up a tortilla just so i can hold it and regain feelings in my hands

 

changkyun: the manager will get mad if you waste product

 

hyungwon: the manager is drunk out of her fucking mind i’m doing it

 

changkyun: oh my god i just saw my breath

changkyun: we’re inside

changkyun: can you guys break us out of here

 

jooheon: hyung imagine if you got fired like what would the report say

 

hyungwon: fired for using tortilla like hot pack

 

minhyuk: KFJAKSFJAS

 

hyungwon: we’ve been here for like three hours and i feel like i’m in an episode of i shouldn’t be alive

 

kihyun: fuck’s sake

 

minhyuk: another day another coffee i underestimate the temperature of and burn my mouth off taking a sip

 

changkyun: take a sip babes

 

minhyuk: now

minhyuk: wow my fucking mouth hurts

minhyuk: hyunwoo hyung

minhyuk: and this is entirely theoretical

minhyuk: how would you feel about me renting you out for like 

minhyuk: a maximum of two and a half hours

 

kihyun: excuse me

 

hyunwoo: i’m not sure i understand

 

minhyuk: i have a line up of sophisticated and wealthy young women who are very interested

 

hyunwoo: in what

 

minhyuk: going on a date with you and paying us that cash money

 

hyunwoo: would i get any of it

 

minhyuk: of course 

minhyuk: but i’d get most of it

minhyuk: you’re all mine so people need to pay me for access to you

 

kihyun: wait i don’t know how i feel about that

 

jooheon: he’s not Wrong

 

changkyun: hyung do you take constructive criticism

 

minhyuk: depends on what you’re saying to me

 

changkyun: would you say you’re a bit possessive of your friends

 

minhyuk: absolutely 

minhyuk: next question

 

hyunwoo: i mean i don’t think this is going to be something i do regularly

hyunwoo: but yeah i’ll go on a date for some cash

 

minhyuk: excellent we’ll split it 60/40

 

hyungwon: compared to what i expected that’s very fair

 

minhyuk: pleasure doing business with you

minhyuk: date time is a maximum of two and a half hours

 

changkyun: why is that

 

minhyuk: because that’s our hyung i’m not going to let him suffer out there

 

jooheon: aw that’s sweet

 

kihyun: is it?

kihyun: is it actually?

 

jooheon: he made it sound sweet

 

hyungwon: yeah he does that

 

hoseok: let the kid be in love

 

hyungwon: okay complaints about this FRIGID weather outside

hyungwon: i do enjoy being able to take out my long coats

 

hoseok: you really love those coats

 

hyungwon: i do 

hyungwon: and i look great in them

hyungwon: very fashionable

 

minhyuk: are you kidding me the weather has ruined my whole sense of style

minhyuk: i used to be so fashionable

minhyuk: so stylish

 

kihyun: when were you ever stylish

 

minhyuk: fuck off sweater vest boy

 

kihyun: they’re warm and practical

 

hyungwon: when will you two just admit neither of you are fashionable

 

kihyun: oh and you are?

 

hyungwon: first of all

hyungwon: hoseok and i are The fashion couple

hyungwon: thank you very much

 

minhyuk: FUCK

minhyuk: HE’S GOT US

 

kihyun: DAMN HIM

 

minhyuk: ever since new year’s everything has gone downhill for me

 

changkyun: idk i thought new year’s went pretty well

changkyun: and we didn’t even drink

 

jooheon: i know personally i’m proud of us

 

minhyuk: that’s funny i’ve never been more disappointed in myself in my life

 

hyungwon: why is that

 

minhyuk: i went to kiss jooheon when the clock struck 12 but his mouth was already occupied

minhyuk: by a fucking brownie

minhyuk: i got curved for baked goods

 

jooheon: in my defense? that’s very on brand of me

 

hoseok: yeah i’d curve hyungwon to eat a brownie

 

hyungwon: hey

hyungwon: wtf

 

minhyuk: perhaps but i simply wanted a new year’s smooch

 

jooheon: just have a normal smooch from me whenever 

 

minhyuk: ;D

 

kihyun: i don’t know what’s happening here on this day but you have my support

 

hoseok: did i miss something

hoseok: are minhyuk and jooheon like a thing now

 

hyungwon: no baby go back to eating

 

hoseok: okay brb

 

changkyun: what

 

hyungwon: if he stops eating now he’ll never end up finishing

 

minhyuk: if he gets distracted he just completely forgets to eat the rest of his food LMAO it’s not even a fullness thing he’s just like  what was i doing

 

changkyun: OH YEAH

 

hyungwon: my fridge is literally full of leftovers he says he’ll “eat later” and never got to

 

kihyun: make him throw them out

 

hyungwon: that’d definitely be just but it would not be merciful he’d get sick

 

changkyun: wait i’m not ready to stop talking about this i can’t stop thinking about it

changkyun: what if the aliens come to visit and the first person they see is hoseok hyung and he’s nipless

changkyun: so they think all humans are sans nipple

 

kihyun: not again with the fuckin aliens

 

jooheon: who’s fucking aliens?

 

hoseok: not again with the fuckin NIPPLES

 

hyungwon: EAT YOUR MEAL

 

changkyun: it’s me i’m the one fucking aliens

 

minhyuk: w

minhyuk: where are the aliens

 

changkyun: hyung out of curiosity

changkyun: what’s the alien word for nipples

 

hoseok: it’s thropdock

hoseok: now leave me alone

 

jooheon: I WHEEZEIDKE

 

changkyun: MY INAHELR

changkyun: I NEED IT 

 

kihyun: i have a weird scar on my knee is that from the aliens too

 

changkyun: ooh naughty

 

jooheon: hyung do you have an alien hickey

 

minhyuk: it was when you were eight and you skinned your knee when you fell off that bike

 

kihyun: oh yeah

kihyun: wait

kihyun: what the Fuck

kihyun: you didn’t know me back then

 

minhyuk: :)

 

kihyun: no what the fuck how do you know that when i didn’t even remember

 

minhyuk: i do so cherish my chats with your mother

 

kihyun: i hate this

 

minhyuk: she wants you to get a haircut 


	19. nut buster blast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nuts are busted, friendships are put to the test

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sooo sorry for taking so cute omg :((( i'm me updating randomly like it hasnt been over a month since i've updated almost TWO my apologies :(( your comments are always so sweet thank you so much this chapter is Particularly chaotic

jooheon: omg you guys

jooheon: i just realized what day it is

jooheon: HOSEOK HYUNG

jooheon: HAPPY BIRTHDAY :DD

 

hyungwon: not now jooheonie we have an emergency on our hands

 

kihyun: omg is everyone okay

kihyun: what happened

 

hyungwon: sadly no

hyungwon: hoseok has been crying for eleven minutes

hyungwon: he dropped his twenty piece mcnuggets

 

hoseok: it was a sign from god

hoseok: i never eat this stuff and the one time i try this happens

hoseok: god didn’t want me to eat them it wasn’t meant to be

 

changkyun: i’m crying god said FUCK his nuggets

 

kihyun: god did NOT use his almighty powers to slap your fucking 20 piece out of your hands hyung

kihyun: you’re just clumsy

 

minhyuk: KFJASKFJASFJA

 

hyungwon: he tripped on a rock he claims “wasn’t there” when we first walked outside

hyungwon: he said god put it there

 

minhyuk: hoseok sometimes knowing you is so exhausting

 

changkyun: HYUNG AKSFJASF

changkyun: god is out here remodeling parking lots like it’s mysims agents

 

jooheon: SHUT UP CHANGKYUN

 

minhyuk: well wtf it’s his birthday aren’t you gonna buy him new nuggets

 

hyungwon: well of course i am but if he doesn’t stop crying he won’t be able to taste them past the salt of his tears

 

hyunwoo: seasoning

 

minhyuk: if he’s crying that much over them despite the fact ur getting him new nugs

minhyuk: it’s probably not even that he was crying about but rather a build up of emotional distress that is only being dealt with now

 

jooheon: woah

 

changkyun: too deep...too Aware

 

kihyun: gotta love how we’ve just never had a normal conversation in our lives

 

minhyuk: yes we have wtf it’s just boring so we immediately move onto our usual bullshit like

minhyuk: watch this

minhyuk: hyunwoo hyung how was your test

 

hyunwoo: i don’t know which one you’re talking about but not good

 

minhyuk: oh bummer  

minhyuk: the only tests i care about are personality tests yesterday i was late to class because i was taking a “which bratz doll are you quiz”

 

changkyun: wow the seamless transition from normal convo to BS

changkyun: this is such a niche skillset

 

hoseok: what bratz doll did you get

 

jooheon: HE EMERGES

 

hoseok: hyungwon got me new nugs :D

 

minhyuk: aw are they crunchy

minhyuk: are they everything you’ve ever wanted

minhyuk: i got jade

minhyuk: they said it was because i’m “quirky” and “confident” but i think it’s because i’m asian

minhyuk: i think it was racism in action

 

kihyun: how tf would a quiz online know your race

 

minhyuk: UM?

minhyuk: AS IF THE GOVERNMENT ISN’T WATCHING OUR EVERY MOVE

 

kihyun: ...fine but i still think your claim is nonsense

 

hyungwon: i’m so lost how is you getting jade racist

 

minhyuk: she’s the only asian one

 

hyungwon: ...they have different races?

hyungwon: minhyuk why do you know so much about the bratz

 

minhyuk: i’m so appalled and disgusted right now our friendship is over

minhyuk: it’s common knowledge that yasmin is latina and sasha is black and then cloe is the token white friend and jade is asian

 

hoseok: all i know about the bratz is they have HUGE feet 

 

minhyuk: okay that’s valid those girls were really wearing size 26 shoes

 

hyunwoo: i stopped knowing what was going on such a long time ago

 

jooheon: same but when i say that i’m not just talking about this conversation i mean in life

 

hyunwoo: who said i was talking about the conversation i’ve BEEN confused

 

changkyun: no matter what hyung says in the chat it makes me cry laughing and i need it to stop

changkyun: my coworkers think my girlfriend just broke up with me because i’m wiping away tears

 

minhyuk: wow this is the first time you’ve worked without hyungwon there

 

changkyun: yeah he took the day off because it’s his “boyfriend’s birthday”

 

hyungwon: why are you putting that in quotation marks he’s really my boyfriend and it’s his actual birthday

 

changkyun: i was using them the way god intended 

changkyun: to literally quote you

 

hyungwon: oh i haven’t seen them used that way in years

 

jooheon: you have a girlfriend?   
  


changkyun: NO I DON’T

 

hoseok: well not anymore

 

minhyuk: jooheon you asshole he just said she broke up with him

 

changkyun: YOU GUYS NO

changkyun: i was crying tears of joy so their heteronormative asses just ASSUMED i had a gf and that she broke up with me

changkyun: first of all i’ve never gotten broken up with

 

kihyun: that’s because you haven’t dated since middle school and that WAS a girl

 

changkyun: she was the weird horse girl every school has but i didn’t know that until it was too late

changkyun: there i was

changkyun: in her bedroom

changkyun: sixteen horse posters following me around with their eyes

changkyun: it was so horrifying

 

jooheon: it was so terrifying he ran out screaming and had his mom pick him up

jooheon: this isn’t him kidding his mom told me this herself i choked on a baguette 

jooheon: he just sat on the curb till she showed up

 

kihyun: why the hell did your mom let you go over to your middle school girlfriend’s house and go in her ROOM

kihyun: does she want grandkids

kihyun: that’s how you get grandkids

 

changkyun: not with those goddamn horses you don’t i felt like they were taunting me

 

jooheon: i’m crying you and your girlfriend are making out and then your dick has never been softer because you look up and there’s buttercup the clydesdale 

 

changkyun: i never even kissed her it was a really weird relationship

 

minhyuk: every day i learn more about all of you and like

minhyuk: not always in a good way

 

hyungwon: there are some things you need to keep to yourself until you die

 

hoseok: yeah like hyungwon’s neopets account

 

hyungwon: fuck off what am i supposed to do

hyungwon: let them STARVE

 

kihyun: um speak for yourself neopets put out an announcement they said the neopets don’t die

kihyun: they just starve and weep until you return

 

hyungwon: i have to log in right now and feed them til they ask me to stop

 

jooheon: kihyun hyung what the fuck

 

kihyun: i’m sorry i haven’t slept in 36 hours i went back to my shitty barista job

 

changkyun: omg really i’ll come in sometime

changkyun: make me a frappe

 

kihyun: oh i’ll make you a frappe alright

 

hyungwon: i don’t think that went how you wanted it to 

hyungwon: failed at sounding threatening came off more sexual

 

changkyun: can you make me a frappe with some of your special sauce sir

 

hyungwon: that’s enough out of you

 

kihyun: god i’m depressed 

 

minhyuk: someone always takes it too far

minhyuk: but not this time changkyun you weakling you should’ve gone in for the kill

 

changkyun: how so

 

minhyuk: should have asked for whipped topping and a special nut glaze

 

hoseok: how do you glaze a drink

 

kihyun: i really

kihyun: REALLY

kihyun: hate this

 

hyungwon: have you guys seen that one post about dairy queen

 

kihyun: oh not you too

 

hyungwon: someone asked for a busted nut blizzard or something

hyungwon: i sobbed in the taco bell company freezer

 

changkyun: it’s true he did i slipped on his frozen tears later that day and almost busted a nut

changkyun: i meant a rib

 

jooheon: no you didn’t

 

hoseok: how do you bust a rib

 

minhyuk: you ask so many questions

 

changkyun: even if i had busted a nut and a rib they wouldn’t give me worker’s comp

 

kihyun: obviously not if you ejaculated all over the food

 

hyungwon: I’M GONNA BE SICK

 

hoseok: i could have gone my WHOLE life without kihyun saying ejaculated

 

jooheon: LMAO HYUNG YOU NERD

 

hoseok: hyungwon just wheezed so harshly someone please lubricate my ear drums

 

minhyuk: this is the most chaotic our chat has been in a while and i’m honestly impressed

 

hyunwoo: where would one acquire ear drum lube

 

minhyuk: probably cvs

 

jooheon: wait that’s not what it was it was like a nut buster blast or something

 

changkyun: I’M CRYING HARDER STOP 

changkyun: THEY THINK YM GIRLFRIEND IS TEXTIN G ME

changkyun: oh my god can i leave early if i play this up

 

hyunwoo: that is such an aggressively sexual title

 

minhyuk: omg it’s like that story by ernest hemingway

minhyuk: the one that’s six words

 

jooheon: i feel like we can be more efficient than that

 

hoseok: nuts, never busted

 

minhyuk: meat, never beaten

 

changkyun: I JUST LET OUT A SOB

changkyun: my coworkers feel so bad for me they asked the manager to let me go early and she’s so drunk on vodka and baja blast she said yes

changkyun: capitalism: 0   me: 1

 

kihyun: how is she the manager if she drinks so much

 

minhyuk: i feel like you just answered your own question

 

kihyun: i have to do that a lot because this chat is useless 

 

minhyuk: that’s so rude and not true

minhyuk: who sings “humble”

 

jooheon: KENDRICK LAMAR

 

minhyuk: faster than shazam

 

kihyun: that doesn’t count that was in a very specific skill set of his

 

minhyuk: what’s the second fastest animal in the world

 

changkyun: pronghorn antelope i learned that from total drama island

 

kihyun: i’m going to fall asleep face first into this bag of coffee beans

 

minhyuk: it’s because you fear raw knowledge and power

minhyuk: OH happy birthday hoseok hyung i love you

 

hoseok: thanks minhyukie i love you too :DDD

hoseok: i’ll save you a nugget

 

minhyuk: that’s okay hyung eat up

 

changkyun: HAPPY BIRTHDAY i’m gonna visit you guys i’m out of work

changkyun: where are you

 

hoseok: on the way to the starbucks kihyun works at

 

hyungwon: the one we’re NOT banned from because of the sneepthorple incident

 

changkyun: DON’T SAY IT

 

jooheon: that word is banned changkyun still only has a few nose hairs 

 

changkyun: why was that coffee so HOT 

 

hyungwon: just wanted to clarify which one 

 

kihyun: PLEASE don’t come here

 

hoseok: why not we’ll help you wake up

 

kihyun: oh my god i’m gonna get fired

 

changkyun: ooh he can make me that busted nut frappe

 

minhyuk: i’m crying stop it i’m in class

 

jooheon: make sure to tell him exactly how many nuts you want him to bust in it

 

**minhyuk** has left the chat

**kihyun** has left the chat

 

**hyunwoo** has added  **minhyuk, kihyun** to the chat

 

kihyun: wtf

 

hyunwoo: you can’t get away that easily

 

minhyuk: hyung whose side are you on

 

hyunwoo: my own

 

jooheon: damn that was deep

 

minhyuk: i know that was entirely digital but i really feel like hyung just picked me up by the scruff of my neck and threw me back in with the lions

 

hyungwon: that’s exactly what he did anyone else wanna join us at kihyun’s place of work and celebrate hoseokie’s birthday

 

jooheon: awww you called him hoseokie

 

minhyuk: when i’m out of class in an hour i’ll meet up with you guys you probably won’t still be there but we can go somewhere else

 

hoseok: aw i’m so excited to see everyone

 

hyungwon: you are so cute

 

kihyun: happy birthday hyung <3

 

hyungwon: why didn’t i get a heart for my birthday

 

kihyun: because you got me nail clippers for my birthday present

 

hyungwon: wtf that’s a wonderful present very useful and practical

 

kihyun: so is money move over so hoseok hyung can accept his digital heart

 

hoseok: im gonna smooch you on the cheek when you slide my drink across the counter

 

kihyun: i’m so gonna get fired

 

minhyuk: it’s for a good cause

  
  
  
  



	20. naruto discourse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyunwoo reveals hyungwon has taken down a pickle display, minhyuk and hoseok debate whether or not sasuke is a bitch, and jookyun see infinity war

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone surprise...it's been abt 3 months since i've updated and i'm sooo sorry!!! this chapter isn't the best but i hope a chapter that kinda sucks is better than no chapter at all LMAO what else...oh! infinity war is mentioned but i don't think i really spoiled anything also i haven't seen that movie and my knowledge of it is entirely from memes and my mutuals. 
> 
> also this is the time of year a lot of ppl are graduating or at least ending the school year and i just wanna say im so so proud of u all!!! graduating school and attending may be seen as something expected but that doesn't mean either of those things are easy to do and i am so so happy for the graduates and proud of all of you even if you're not in school lol! i'm just proud of you for existing...i hope u enjoy i hope i can gather the energy to write a better chapter next time!!
> 
> thank you for so many nice comments, kudos, and bookmarks so far!! i rly feel bad for neglecting u all :(( n neglecting this fic...you've all been so sweet!!! thank u sooo much!!

hyungwon: does anyone know where jooheon is i need to stage an intervention with that child

 

minhyuk: you know you guys are like

minhyuk: practically the exact same age

 

hyungwon: i’ll thank you not to tell lies in the groupchat minhyuk

hyungwon: anyways does anyone know

 

kihyun: i think he’s crying in changkyun’s shoulder those two went to see infinity war

 

hyungwon: did they not go to see that at 1pm  

hyungwon: it’s literally 5 o’clock

 

hyunwoo: grieving takes time

 

minhyuk: holy fuck hyung you scared me

 

hoseok: why do you need to have an intervention with jooheon

 

hyungwon: it’s the facetiming

hyungwon: i can’t stand it

 

hoseok: i truly can't handle being facetimed randomly it feels like someone breaking into my house 

 

jooheon: I KNOW YOU CAN’T STAND IT HYUNG YOU HANG UP ON ME TWO RINGS IN

 

hyungwon: THAT’S ME BEING POLITE

hyungwon: you schedule a facetime appointment with me or you get nothing

hyungwon: what's wrong with a good old phonecall

 

jooheon: but i wanna see ur face :((

jooheon: it makes me feel better

 

hyungwon: isn't it just nice to hear my voice if you can hear me talk i must be okay

 

jooheon: i need COMFORT

 

minhyuk: that's okay jooheonie I'LL facetime you

 

jooheon: ur sweet hyung but i dont need to see ur face we live together 

 

minhyuk: im hurt!

minhyuk: no that's valid

 

jooheon: hyunwoo hyung is the only one who loves me enough to answer the calls

 

hoseok: jooheon!! :DD 

 

jooheon: hyung! :D

 

hoseok: how was infinity war :D

 

jooheon: i don’t wanna talk about it

 

hyunwoo: first stage of grief: denial

 

jooheon: hyung please have mercy…

 

hyunwoo: where’s changkyun

 

jooheon: changkyun went to sleep he said that movie drained him emotionally and it was his bedtime

 

hyungwon: the sun is still up

 

jooheon: yeah but changkyun sure isn’t

 

minhyuk: he better get up

 

jooheon: why is that

 

hyungwon: changkyun and i have work in like forty five minutes

 

jooheon: let him Rest

 

hyungwon: whatever our manager is always like six shots of vodka deep anyways

hyungwon: i can probably just tell her i’m changkyun and she’ll believe me

 

changkyun: corporations see no faces and know no names

changkyun: they see numbers and dollar signs

 

minhyuk: wow infinity war really was not kind to you was it

 

changkyun: say the movie name one more time and see how long you keep your thumbs.

 

minhyuk: you fool

minhyuk: assuming i even have thumbs

 

hoseok: uhhh i don’t like how this is going

 

kihyun: me neither 

kihyun: i dislike the threat of violence

kihyun: but i dislike the implication that minhyuk doesn’t have thumbs more

 

changkyun: he won’t when i’m done with him

 

hyunwoo: Boys.

 

changkyun: yes sir

 

minhyuk: i get to keep my thumbs!!

 

jooheon: but you just said

 

hoseok: jooheon please let him drop it i can’t go through any more of that

 

hyungwon: i just want all of you to know that my coworker slipped on a tortilla yesterday and shattered her kneecap and she doesn’t get any money from them for worker’s comp

hyungwon: if i see one poorly placed tortilla my whole life is over and my knees: shattered

 

hoseok: just pick up the tortilla and throw it like a shuriken at your manager

 

hyungwon: sweetheart i didn’t wanna be the one to tell you this but naruto logic rarely applies to real life situations

 

hoseok: i’ll stop

hoseok: but not without first telling you that the implication naruto isn’t real sickens me

hoseok: just know that

 

kihyun: i feel like this is a sensitive topic for him

 

jooheon: well yeah i mean he’s modeled his whole entire life after naruto

jooheon: the ramen fetish

 

hoseok: IT’S NOT A FETISH

 

jooheon: the talking for a long time

jooheon: the loving and seeing the good in everyone

jooheon: the constant desire to improve oneself

 

minhyuk: hey hoseok hyung sasuke was a bitch

 

hoseok: TAKE THAT BACK

 

minhyuk: a LITTLE BITCH

 

hoseok: he was MISGUIDED

 

jooheon: hoseok hyung spent so many episodes trying to get him back this is too much for him

jooheon: be nice

 

changkyun: he was a gay goth icon is what he was

changkyun: running away from ur hometown, making new friends, and becoming an even hotter goth?

changkyun: is...is that not the epitome of gay goth culture

 

kihyun: i’m gay but i’ve never killed my brother

kihyun: so NO

 

hyungwon: but you’ve been tempted to

 

hoseok: LEAVE SASUKE ALONE IT WAS THE TRAUMA

 

minhyuk: TRAUMA ISN’T AN EXCUSE TO KEEP THE CYCLE GOING AND TRAUMATIZE OTHERS OR HURT THEM AND INFLICT PAIN

 

hoseok: SASUKE IS HURTING DEEPLY INSIDE AND HE LOST HIS ENTIRE FAMILY HE HAS A NATURAL INSTINCT TO FLEE FROM THOSE CLOSE TO HIM OUT OF FEAR HE’LL BE THE ONE WHO GETS HURT FIRST

 

changkyun: i think we’re overlooking a big part of this which is that a weird stretchy SNAKE MAN BIT HIM ON THE NECK DURING AN EXAM

 

minhyuk: what does that have to do with anything

 

hoseok: i don’t think that really mattered

 

changkyun: WHAT

 

kihyun: PLEASE stop making me read this can you PLEASE stop making me read this

 

hoseok: minhyuk next time i see you in the manga section of barnes and noble we’re throwing the fuck down

 

minhyuk: i’ll bite your ankles until you cry out for help

 

changkyun: don’t do that i go there to read fruits basket for free

 

jooheon: what im getting from this debate is that wonho is a sasuke apologist

jooheon: whatever that means

jooheon: and changkyun is a furry

jooheon: and minhyuk is an ankle biter but i’ve actually known that for a while now

 

minhyuk: in between bookshelves nobody can hear your screams

 

kihyun: again 

kihyun: don’t like this

 

hoseok: i will die defending sasuke before i sit back and let you slander him

 

minhyuk: do you actually love sasuke or is he just sexy

 

hoseok: that’s besides the point…

 

hyungwon: hi i haven’t known what’s been going on for like 14 minutes now

 

hyunwoo: the real hero of naruto is SAKURA

 

hoseok: holy SHIT

 

changkyun: okay new discourse

changkyun: is sakura just katara from atla but with pink hair?

 

hoseok: changkyun please don’t pit women against each other and compare them even if they’re fictional they’re both talented and wonderful

 

changkyun: point taken

changkyun: i took a taxi to taco bell and i feel like i just got ferried to hell across the river styx

 

kihyun: to be quite honest with all of you everything i know about greek mythology i got from percy jackson and i only read like the first two books

 

hyungwon: hold on a fucking second

hyungwon: what about my interrogation

 

jooheon: you have to work first taco man

 

hyungwon: first of all? i resent that

hyungwon: second of all i can multita

 

jooheon: where’d he go

 

changkyun: HE JUST BURNT HIS FINGER ON A TORTILLA LMAOOO

changkyun: he’s cursing so loudly we just had a customer yell from the dining area for him to shut the fuck up

changkyun: also swearing in the process i suppose but it’s the thought that counts

 

hyungwon: THAT TORTILLA WAS EASILY SIX THOUSAND DEGREES CELSIUS 

hyungwon: THAT TORTILLA COULD HAVE BURNED GOD’S MOUTH

 

kihyun: i just would prefer to think god wouldn’t eat at taco bell

 

minhyuk: we all have our guilty pleasures

 

hoseok: god was in front of me in the drive thru and he ordered a crunchwrap supreme and threw the wrapper outside

 

kihyun: can we please not accuse god of littering

 

changkyun: god litters everyday when he puts bad people on this earth

 

hoseok: i don’t know what to say to that i just know i saw what i saw

 

minhyuk: what kind of car does god drive

 

hoseok: a mazda tribute

 

kihyun: are people born bad or are they made bad

 

hyungwon: they’re born good and then they burn their fingers on a flour tortilla from hell and their fingertips get singed off and they become bad

 

changkyun: hyungwon is that your villain origin story

 

hyungwon: yes and i WILL have my revenge

 

jooheon: this lore is incredible

 

minhyuk: infinity war 2: thanos vs fingertiptilla man

minhyuk: also i haven’t seen that movie

 

jooheon: FINGERTIPTILLA

 

hyungwon: minhyuk i’m going to kill you

 

hyunwoo: minhyuk has like four different fights scheduled involving the people from this groupchat

 

kihyun: does he have one with you

 

hyunwoo: not yet no

 

jooheon: i like the implication there could be one soon

 

changkyun: yeah if minhyuk hyung doesn’t get his act together hyunwoo hyung is gonna wring him out like a wet paper towel

 

minhyuk: who the fuck wrings them out that’s gross i just throw them in the garbage

minhyuk: but also if hyunwoo hyung is doing it? kinda hot

 

jooheon: HEY

 

hyunwoo: im a pacifist and the worst thing i’d do to minhyuk is like 

hyunwoo: hip check him while we’re walking together in the mall

 

hyungwon: i’m on the hip check blacklist

 

hyunwoo: yeah i can’t do that to him anymore bc i did it one time when we were in the grocery store

hyunwoo: and he flew into a pickle display and broke it

 

hyungwon: 200 jars of pickles

 

hyunwoo: now i’m on the grocery store blacklist

 

hoseok: they...have one of those?

 

hyunwoo: they didn’t before hyungwoo broke the gherkins

 

kihyun: i’m begging you not to call them that

 

hyungwon: gherkins aren’t even pickles yet they’re like the stage before pickles

 

hoseok: like if pickles were butterflies then gherkins are the chrysalis 

 

hyungwon: more like a caterpillar but i really appreciate the example

 

hoseok: :D

 

minhyuk: i  HATE PICKLES

 

kihyun: WE KNOW

 

jooheon: new fight scheduled minhyuk vs a jar of pickles

 

minhyuk: no i don’t even want to touch them 

 

changkyun: a real warrior doesn’t even have to touch his opponent to beat them

 

hyungwon: that’s why my math teacher has been kicking my ass without even laying a finger on me 

 

minhyuk: yeah that’s why

 

jooheon: hyung please get a tutor

jooheon: not me bc my math grade is so low i don’t even think the online system registers it as a number but

jooheon: a tutor

  
  
  



End file.
